A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old and a virgin. I have never had a long term relationship and the people i have been with have cheated and treated me very badly. Im not the type to have a one night stand and the fact i was still a virgin never use to bother me as i felt proud of the fact I respected my own wishes. However now im starting to feel ashamed of this fact as i see younger and younger people having sex. Is there something wrong with me and should i feel embarrassed and ashamed?
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one night stand, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Don't be ashamed. 75% of high schoolers WHO are sexually active can't even say no. Well, I'm sure there were some who were pressured into having sex so it was tough for them. You're 20! You passed the typical age group. I'm 21 and I do not have any desire whatsoever to rush. Really. I guess I'm strong-willed but that doesn't mean I never feel ashamed too. I did felt "left behind" because most of my friends had sex before they graduated from high school. I was one of the few that did not, and I still am to this day.
The world is tell you to lose your viginity because everyone is doing it. NO. Don't listen to those lies because they are NOT true. I do have to say that when you said NO to the world's message about sex, you'll be in for a challenge. SOME people give in because they couldn't take it anymore. You can do it.
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (18 February 2011):
Stick to your principles of not putting out for the sake of it.There's nothing wrong with you and nothing you should feel embarassed about.Besides, half the time, youngsters saying they have had sex are lying to make themselves sound better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Virginity is not something to be tossed out like yesterday's fashion or an old newspaper. The issue is not that you are a virgin. It's that you are uncomfortable with it. The male who said that the nervousness and depression get worse with age, and who advised you to "get your freak on" may not have been giving you the best advice. Okay, it was HORRIBLE advice. Sexuality is a facet of life. It is neither the sum total of it, nor a dynamic in isolation. What are your personal sexual values and ethics? This will inform your future choices. I personally am an old stick in the mud. I understand the peer pressure, (lived it). I get the sense of "I'm different". (You're not as different as you think). Really, though, there is no expiration date on virginity. You want to have an integrated set of values to apply to all of your decisions. You sure don't need the baggage of jumping into bed or into a relationship because "everyone else is doing it"... and "at younger and younger ages". What does that say about the insanity in our culture? What do YOU want? What do YOU believe? What is the all-fired HURRY?? There are both pluses and minuses to having a lover. The pluses are the romance, the intimacy, the pleasure. The minuses are risk based exposure to disease, pregnancy, emotional distress, unhealthy relating patterns, and the time, focus and energy a real relationship takes. Why not consider, just for the moment, that the "noise" in your head about what others are doing is irrelevant? Why not get a bit extreme and ask yourself if there might even be a chance you want to wait until you are married? Maybe you would like to NOT have to try and raise a kid on your own, or figure out how to get over a bad break-up, or deal with the hits your self-esteem can take when partners not fully committed to you take actions that don't have your greatest needs and highest good in mind? Seriously. There is no shame in virginity. There are going to be enough challenges when and if you decide to marry. Granted, a ring does not guarantee an absence of pain in marriage, but you will have a bit less baggage trailing after you if you wait. Hope that helps. Stacey
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A
female
reader, Worried64  +, writes (18 February 2011):
No you shouldn't feel embarrased you are awesome the younger people are having sex because they think its "COOL" you stick to your guns you will meet the person that is right for you in time!@!My Girlfriend was 24 when she lost her virginity and she is still with her man now she is not married to him however she just wanted to wait untill she felt ready and there is nothing wrong with that!! Don't get down on yourself and there is nothing wrong with u, u just choose to have standards and thats a good thing
Hope this helps
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): I'm 27 and have never even had so much as a girlfriend, let alone sex.
My advice, find someone and get your freak on. It only gets worse with age, the depression, the nervousness, the shame.
You are still young enough that it's not weird.
Me on the other had... well, lets just say Steve Carrell's movie was probably based on me.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Moonknight +, writes (18 February 2011):
 As a female you really should not be worried about being a virgin, no one can actually tell that you are a virgin unless you tell them, there is nothing to be ashamed about being a virgin, take serious pride in it. it says alot about your character and ability to hold your own!
It shows strength, And there are plenty of guys who are looking for that, someone to share the whole first time experience with and the development of engaging and discovering sex after you've lost your virginity.
Alot of people who loose it too soon or rushed into things never really get to experienced the whole development of sex after you've lost it, it's really on the same level as being in love, words cannot explain the feeling of comfort that comes from such an experience.
It's not something to be proud of or "hype" about when you bring up the subject of very young people having sex, trust and understand that these young people don't even know what sex is and are doing it purely to be another sheep in the pen.
If you want to be a virgin be one and be proud, people will only envy you and anyone who tries to make you feel bad about it is just jealous and a very high level.
Have you ever heard of those "virgin again kits?" yeah that says it all, you aren't missing anything.
However it's a bit different for men, reasons why i started with "as your a female", There is alot of pressure on men to loose their virginity as you aren't considered a man if you haven't, even worse, when females laugh at you... you wont find any guys laughing at you about your virginity because they are all thinking they want to be your first.
Females on the other hand can always judge men when being a virgin based on the pressure to perform and act that one doesn't even know of!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): no there is nothing wrong with you. I was in the same situation once. I lost my virginity at the age of 24. Just take your time and wait for someone who respects you to have sex with because if you just give it up to a loser trust me you will regret it. Instead of being ashamed feel proud that you respect yourself enough to wait for a caring person.
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A
female
reader, Jillianxx  +, writes (18 February 2011):
No! It's nothing to be ashamed of. Just think of it this way a lot of people have had sex and lost their virginity. If you wanted to you could lose yours aswell but you can be like them anyway but they can't be what you are. So just have fun and enjoy life but be yourself :3
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Hold your head up high and pat yourself on the back! It is wonderful to read a story like this amongst so many others who give up their virginity to those who do not matter. Be proud of yourself :) It's a good thing!
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