A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 73 years old. my husband has always been verbally abusive to me, We have 5 of a family all left the house now, its just me and him, his god is money not that he gives me much, he has 2 businesses and has 1 million pounds invested, me I have nothing I worked in a nursing home for years as an auxiliary nurse, he made me retire when 60, I do all the work in his office, estimates, accounts, wages, vat, and all other office work, on a Friday he gives me £75 for doing this work, he calls me all the thick b... that ever was.I go line dancing and when I come back I cant get my key in the door as he has put his key in other side so I need to ring to get in, because its his f... house, he never ever went to any family functions, ie weddings, parties funerals I went myself, my grandaughter was married recently and he never went, I feel I cant take any more. my friend said I'M a woose but at my age where do you go, he has had quite a few affairs in the past and I let it go a know I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YEARS AGO but didnt want to embarress my family, what do you think I should do, I am now suffering from depression, I have had Cancer, had a hysterectomy, 2 knee replacements but thankfully I am ok and very active really need someone who cares about me even at my age you need some TLC by the way I have never had a drink or smoked. what Is your advice to me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): P.S
You could even Ask if your husband will sponsor you...time for you to live happy and maybe time for him to give generously.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Hi
It is never too late ...and do you know why? because you are alive! so go and live. You need to be true to you now...it only matters what you think. Yes you are in the winter time of life...but still a season to have.....the advice i would give is not to live with regret...time should not ever be wasted on regret....time is precious and who knows you may have years left....some people have thrown a lifetime in to a few years and found true love and happiness....do everything you ever wanted to do and if there is no personal love at this time....then love been with YOU and lets be honest you have lived alone in many ways already....but unhappy. Live like you never have...live for you...live on the edge...never more alive when that feeling is with you....why not do something like a charity travel trecking expedition....you would train yourself to a good fitness in preperation...support your fav.charity...sponsors....achieve a great result....maybe even meet someone special....just an idea...but do it big and blossom into the real you... :) it's only too late when your pushing up daisy's.
There are so many hero's out there, that have done fantastic things in their winter years against the odds....we don't always have to be young to live. I wish you well and good luck, take the leap of faith :)and live and love with no regret.
Spunky Monkey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Listen to me please! Leave him. Get a good attorney, you will have enough money to live comfortably for what is left of your life. No one deserves this kind of abuse. You can still find love with someone who is worthy of you and you deserve it!!!Hugs and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): My dear, dear lady. Forgive me for being forward. I am so sorry to hear of your distress. Do you in fact want to be free of him all the way? Or is it that you just want a bit of peace in your home and some control in your life? I don't know, myself, how best to advise someone in your shoes. Is there a pastor, a therapist, a support group that could help you get your head on straight, so that you can make a decision that works for you? It may be difficult to leave. It may be far worse to stay. You are already depressed. You do indeed deserve some of the good things in life. Are these to be found in your children and grandchildren? Perhaps you can talk this whole matter over, very discreetly, with a professional who can assist you to formulate a plan that works for you. Such a person or support group may be able to help you to draw up strategies for how to get resources, how to set aside cash if you do plan to leave, where you can go that is safe both short-term and long-term. Have you ever spent time in conversation with him, to ASK him what the thinking is that makes him so abusive? If you were to do so with a counselor, you might gain some insight. I really don't know if he would be willing to attend. It would be enlightening to find out. Sorry to have nothing more definitive to offer, except the encouragement that YOU can take care of yourself, and that YOU are certainly worthy of a joy-filled and satisfying life. It may take time to build. You might even think it's too late to try. It's not. Best of success to you!!
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (18 February 2011):
I think you should try moving out. You husband is probably so used to treating you in the manner you have described that it doesn't dawn on him that a) it upsets you and b)there is any other way of going about things. I must ask have you spoken to him about all of this? Have you made your grievances clear? I do understand that this is difficult.
I wonder whether if you moved out it might wake him up a bit. Have you got some family you could go and stay with? Or a friend? It sounds like you have plenty of family. After all this time you need to start looking out for your own happiness, and not be worried about embarrassing your family. I'm sure they will understand. I am shocked to hear that your husband didn't even go to your granddaughter's wedding- your family must know what he is like in this case.
Seventy three is young these days, you have a lot more time left ahead of you and you owe it to yourself to make those years happy. Take action NOW- don't worry about what you should have done years ago, just do what you can to sort things out in the present. Pack some bags and get in touch with your children, or grandchildren. Good luck!
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