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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Ok so ive been married for almost 9 years now. My wife and I were best friends before but we never had sex until after we tied the knot. I had only been with 2 other girls before her but she was practically a sputa. I don't hold this against her though. She just found it easier to get what she wanted. Now comes the problem. After the wedding we had sex a few times a week for the first month but then it just died off to once a month or more. It wasn't until we were pregnant with out first child that it started to pick up. But then it died off again. Here we are three kids later and she still finds it hard to get in the mood twice a month. Now before you say anything I help around the house, do the dishes and what not. I even kept my currrent job "of which I absolutely despise" for her because she was worried we wouldn't get near as good of medical benifits elswere. I am all the time complimenting her on her looks and kissing her all day. Trying to get her mood right. But when the kids go to bed and its just us she would rather stay up late watching her shows or reading a book. I feel like shes waiting me out unfilled I have to sleep because I have work in the morning. I feel jealous because of her past relationships. She has told me about all the kinky and dirty things she did in her youth and I want to experience these things with her but she wont. I always satisfy her first and then multiple times after that. I just cant figure out what changed after marraige. I love her so much and I want to be with her but shes constantly pushing me away when things start to heat up she makes excuses all the time. I have talked to her about it and she says she'll try to make love more often but it never happens. I have to wait for her to fall alseep and arouse her unfilled she wakes up hot enough to want it or we would only he making love once every two months. I doubt I'll get the answer I want on here but at least I can hope. I'm so frustrated with her. It makes me think she gave everything to random men in her teens and has nothing left for me. She seems happy with her life as it is. I just cant get over how frigid she is. As the song goes "im so hot for her and shes so cold"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): You're a good guy, the dream man every woman wants to marry but in reality good guys get boring. I don't mean this in a bad way, I've been with my boyfriend for a long time now and he's a good guy. He does everything right and ticks all the boxes but he can bore me with his niceness. It's not your fault, it'll be her frustration, I go through phases of being able to enjoy my life with my partner and phases where I would die to be with anyone else. It could be hormones, stress or depression. I'd advise you to talk to her about what she wants, she needs to open up with you if you can rekindle any flame. What I find always gets me more interested is being made to feel like I might lose my partner, he'll not talk to me for a few days because he can't find words to express his feelings but it causes me to get really worked up about it. Another option, though I wouldn't recommend doing this if there were any other ways, is to get her really angry and then give her a gift to open with a range of kinky toys to use. Ask for someone to take the kids for a night, your parents or hers maybe, the anger will make the sex hotter and that might stop her being so cold towards you. Sex without passion can get boring quickly, you need those fresh and exciting emotions to keep things interesting.I hope this helps (:
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 There really is not a lot that I can say on this matter. It is clear that she has lost her sex drive and this could be down to multiple reasons really. Maybe she doesn't feel attractive any more after having three children, maybe she is stressed or maybe she is just settling down and not looking at the intimate side of your relationship. Either way off course sex is important in any marriage. So really it does need to be sorted, for the both of your sakes.
I guess you could try and spice things up. Maybe buy her some sexy lingerie. Get some toys you could both experiment with. Maybe get a babysitter for a night and be romantic, light candles give each other massages, that kind of thing. It is worth a shot. Maybe buy a cheeky book about positions or something like that and try some out. Try to get her relaxed and in the mood, this might be better if the children could stay over night somewhere. Crack open a bottle of wine, dim the lights and seduce her.
If this does not work, maybe talk to her about going to see a couples therapist. Yes this might seem extreme to you and daunting but believe me it could work wonders and put that spark back in to your relationship. Good luck.
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