A
female
age
30-35,
*eganMae
writes:So I split up with my ex about a month ago now, two years of being treated badly and being unhappy finally came to an end, although we had our good times, the bad eventually weighed out the good which made it practically unbearable to be around anymore. I chose to end the relationship when I had moved away to university in southampton, being away gave me the time to realise what was really best for me, realising that loving someone in a relationship isnt always enough but being happy is also. All in all he did not take the break up easy, i tried to cut all communication so that it made it easy for both of us as although he was a complete ass I would never want to see him upset or hurt but sometimes you just got to do whats best for yourself. Anwyay, being up in southampton I have met a really nice guy who's been nothing but lovely to me since I have been here and ive started to have feelings for him, its weird having nice things done for you when you have never experienced it before such as being given flowers etc so its really nice, but being happy the way I am also makes me feel guilty for it. I feel so guilty about being happy for once and so early on after a break up which is making me distance myself from the guy which I really dont want to do. I wanna be able to just get on with my life and be happy for once, I dont even know why i feel so guilty I was treated like shit for the past 2 years and having that time away to university gave me back the strength back that i once had but got taken away from me.. i would really appreciate some advice as im pretty such at the moment lol. Thanksx
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a break, flowers, my ex, split up, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Sometimes you just got to do what's best for yourself, your words, and the truest words you could ever speak, you deserve to be happy, don't feel guilty, you've been through rough times and come out the other side, embrace it, it is not unusual for someone to meet someone knew so soon, and sometimes it just happens, do what makes you happy and enjoy every moment of it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): Don't feel guilty ! It's eaiser said then done, I have similare feelings, I had a new boyfriend 2month after breaking up with my ex, and I felt so guilty and also now after 1 year being with my new boyfriend and feeling happy still makes me feel guilty at times. It is a normal feeling to have, BUT I think its a selfrespect think, you need to love your self and respect yourself . YOu have the right to be happy even 1 minut after a break up, it is about you and no one else..
It will take some time to let go of this guilt feeling but if you keep
telling yourself that you have the right to be happy and that being happy
with a new guy has nothing to do with your ex .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 First off, you have no reason to feel guilty. You're just self destructively nice. You were self destructive to stay in a relationship that didn't make you happy, because you were scared of hurting your then bf. You were scared of hurting him even after you broke up. And now, you feel guilty even though your ex has no idea who you're speaking to, and can't possibly be hurt by it.
You're just a bit too self destructive really. You aren't good at taking care if yourself, or putting your own needs before the needs of others. You need to learn how to do this. If you don't, then it wont matter who you enter a relationship with again, it'll be the same story all over. This guy might be nice to you now, doing things for you, but what if he stops in two months time? Then you'll probably feel guilty for wanting more, because he used to be nice to you. So you'll stay, again, despite not being happy.
So, the conclution is that you aren't ready to be in a new relationship until you learn to take care of your own needs BEFORE the needs of everyone else. Take it slow with this new guy, and enjoy the attention. But don't rush into a new relationsip until you're actually ready (certainly don't enter a relationship feeling guilty about it).
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