A
female
age
36-40,
*etobe
writes:Dear Cupids! I am torn between two men in my life.Guy 1 and I dated for 7 months then he had to go back to Greece as his contract for work ended. Now we still chat long distantly it was hard and I broke it off with him. We still talk via Skype and when we do it boils up feelings of love and sometimes we end up just gazing into each other’s eyes. He knows my frustrations about him and I being apart and he made a mature decision not to give me hope about us being together only because he can’t bare to see me cry anymore.Guy 2 lives in my current city, we began dating after guy 1 left.Guy 2 and I have a lifestyle that is common we are both fitness trainers and we enjoy hanging out camping and cycling on our day off. He tells me and shows me that he’s really into me, but I’ve told him that I wanted to take things slow and that I still think of my ex (guy 1) from time to time. He accepts that and appreciates my honesty and believes that I need to take time to deal with those emotions and getting over them. A part of me deep down is still in love with guy 1 but knows that I can’t have him right now and don’t know if we will be together in the near future. My heart hopes it.A part of me doesn’t want to lose the connection I have with guy 2 and he thinks it’s fine for us to take 2 steps back still hang out occasionally and see how it goes.As much as it hurts badly do I need to cut guy 1 off to give myaelf time to get over him? And focus on guy 2? It breaks my heart to ask that q but my mind is confused.Thanks! Xox
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 It is okay to feel panic. It is difficult accepting that a relationship is over. Most of us have went through break ups in life, and no it is not easy. But the only way to begin to get over it is to accept that it is over. If you still cling on to hope then you are not allowing yourself the chance to move on.
As for guy 2, if you are feeling that he is more in to this than you, then you need to ask yourself is he really what you want. It would be horrible for him to be a rebound and then he ends up getting hurt in the process as well.
A
female
reader, Metobe +, writes (4 March 2018):
Metobe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey y'all, So the update is that i told guy 1 who is long distance about me dating someone new since i had already been unhappy with a long distance relationship. Ofcourse he wasnt happy and we said we'd have to move on separately. We havn't spoken for a few days now and ofcourse i still think of him everyday. Guy 2 and i can now have a real chance together, but my mind is still hooked on my ex :/ Guy 2 is starting to really fall for me too and as i like him as a person its pretty obvious hes more into me than im into him, which isnt bad at all. I realise at this point being 30 and understanding what Id want out of a relationship is more of companionship. Somebody to speak to, and someone that could take care of me being there emotionally and physically for me...I guess the explosive firework love is just not practical and at this point in my life id also accept if i don't ever settle down with a man and opt for a cat and a couple of dogs and thats it :) Its confusing time for me as im finding it hard to let go of the past with an ex and truly be over it...i guess I should just give myself time. I just feel a sense of panic that its over. help?
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Guy 1 is not respecting your space if he keeps texting you. Its best to either ignore him or remind him that you need your space and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (16 February 2018):
Best way is not to reply. If he keeps texting you then block him from your phone and tell him you need space and goodbye.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Yes, if he agrees you need space but refuses to respect boundaries you have to ask yourself what are his motives.
He made a decision not to give you any hope ... whatever the dickens he means by that, so take him at his word and block him.
His comments this morning were designed to keep you hooked into his BS. Unhook yourself and swim free.
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A
female
reader, Metobe +, writes (16 February 2018):
Metobe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi ladies thank you for your honest responses!
As of yesterday I told guy 1 that I need my space and he agreed to give it to me and to be honest I feel much better after making that decision.
I just woke up and found a text from my ex though just reminding me of how beautiful I am. I most probably won’t reply.
Any tips on what I can say encase he texts again? Gently reminding him of my space without being rude
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 February 2018):
I think you need to let guy one go, you don't have a future and you are holding on to hope that is not there. Now normally I would also tell you to let guy two go and take some time for yourself and focus on you and getting over guy 1. However in your case you are being honest with guy 2 and he is happy to take it slow so maybe show him some respect and don't be chatting to your ex behind his back. He might be happy to take things slow with you, but you talking to your ex will eventually mess things up.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (15 February 2018):
This all boils down to where do you see yourself in the future? Guy 1 is not giving you any hope for the future together even when feelings are involved, whereas guy 2 is in your life understanding your situation. In my opinion its always best to have distance away from an ex to get your mind, head and heart clear. If you do that and give yourself time you will know what you need to do and you will surely feel better.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (14 February 2018):
What do you want from life? A happy fulfilled with a decent guy who obviously cares for, and respects you (guy 2) or a lonely unfulfilled future with nothing but daydreams about a guy who left?
Stop fantasising! if guy one felt anything strong for you he would now be planning how you two could be together in the very near future, if no plans are being made there is no future!
Either stop the fairy tale rubbish with guy 1 and concentrate on the very real flesh and blood person standing in front of you or cut number 2 loose so he can move on with his life while you continue your day dream existence, gazing at an image on a screen while blinded by fairy dust.
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