A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I work in a hospital and one of the girls I work with is 23, she is very good at her job, super confident and talented,and 3 months ago has been made one of the assistant managers, which is great for a girl so young.(Im in my 30s an have NO issue with young managers, again NO issue most of my colleagues are under 30.)This girl is VERY cliquey with the other managers, and has been since she began working with us 2 yrs ago, whatever.. the issue is now that she has been promoted she has changed, and has become very cliquey and overconfident ( and a little snappy in her manner at times) and has let the power/authority of the job go to her head a bit.To the point that if her buddies are around she wont say hi to me, example: when I come on for the day for the next shift, (say I have just arived at work, and if we are on opposite shifts,) she rarely speaks to me,esp. when her buddies are around, and never asks how I am, esp. if she's on her own, i may get a "hi" no eye contact. ( Where as she does with most others regardles of age,) no bullying just a feeling of totally being unimportant to her. I know there a big age gap, and Im not her buddy and dont wnat to be.. but this girl has channged since becoming an assistant manager.She can be condescending andat times a little "snappy" when i do work with her, sometimes.. I remain polite and she ends up ignoring me, its power, gone to her head,( i hope she gets cut down to size but it wont happen any time soon) There is no bullying but shes largely ingores me unlless she has to speak to meim older, quietly do my work and am not in the cliuque, am not popular, but not hated. Am friendly and say hi to all no eneimes, im not in her "buddy" group, and i feel she thinks i am "beneath her", maybe due to age, me being not a manager at my age, her cliquyness, and her arrogance. I dont want to be her group, work is work and thats OK, I like my job and most of my colleagues. I just hate her arrogant "im better than yu so i wont even ask how are you" type attitude..Its a slight personality clash i feel, she is VERY much the "sweetheart" and "darling" of the area with the other managers, shs VERY loved, as she's so young, and has such a responsible job and the bosses all adore and love her.so... I have to work with her and cannot talk about this to colleagues as most, (not all) love her.I dont work with her every day but see her at work a lot, im not goig to say to her" why dont yu say hi? and why are you moody and standoffish" as this is gives her powet and may tell the other managers and i may be though as not woorking a part of a team (this is extreme reaction )so.. what do I do when she wont even say hi or talk to me much at work, esp when i walk into work, if im not working wth her? i cant make her! its work and she sbould be professional with all, even if they are older and "beneath her" as i am.. I deserve as much respect as anyone!!shes too cliqey..so... i keep saying hi when i see her to remain polite? remember she an assistant boss and my boss loooves her, again she is ADORED by the managers, and most but not all of the staff, personality cash maybe plus diff ages..but I get on Ok woth other young colleaguestips for working with this type of sometimes difficult colleague? genuine advice appreciatedthanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): Advice, don't let anyone get you down or bring out the worst in you. She is like many on this planet, stuck up their own a^^e...don't even try and understand a place where you would not like to be.Stand up and be counted
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 she was made a manager but not taught how to manage.... it's common.
I'd kill her with kindness.
be polite
be professional
get your assignments from her in writing if you can
seek all clarifications in writing if you can
keep her totally 100% professional and nothing more
when she gets snappy, you can calmly say "is there anything else?" she'll snap NO and then you can say
"very well let me get started" and leave
no need to smile
no need to ask how she is
DO NOT initiate contact ONLY respond.
this too may pass... we had one guy here he's in charge of the entire division now but it took him a while to grow into that role... several years of doing it before he didn't seem like an upstart with attitude...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 She should... perhaps. Meaning, yes it would be nice if the higher ups would help to create a friendly, cordial, warm environment, I think it would even improve the work performances, but technically she does not HAVE to socialize on the job. As long as she is civil , " good morning " " good evening " , she does not have to entertain you in conversation or enquire about your health etc. In fact, in some places it would be frowned upon. If she wants to adopt a more detached, functional , formal managerial style is her prerogative. Yes, it would be nice if she didn't , but that's her choice and you don't have to take it personally. In fact, you don't even have to care, you weren't close friends to begin with, so, even admitting that she is snubbing you or that she feels you are beneath her ( which it may be all in your head ! ) - so, even IF...as long as she does her job well and talks to you politely ( politely, not warmly or friendly ! ) what relevance would it have in your life what she, a semi-stranger, thinks ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): This is the poster.Thanks for then replies but i am NOT jealous of her!! there is no "green" monster, i have no desire to be a manager, im a worker and am sure im not regarded as any anything else but by her, im definitely not good enough to say hi to when buddies ABCD or E are around..she is a young manager trying to do her job i understand and i'll be polite and yes politely remind her that i can do my job, if she snaps but... she should be polite to ALL all the time regardless of who is around, to all not just her buddies, part of being a manager is being neutral to yr employees, regardless of whether you hate them or like them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2013):
 I think YOU are over-thinking how she feels about you and her work.
I don't think she think YOU are beneath her, I think she is just trying to emulate how she "think" an assistant manager should act, and when around her buddies she doesn't want to seem unprofessional and "talk" to you. Again, I think it's more about her trying to keep up appearances and trying to be the "perfect" assistant manager, don't forget she is still young and might actually feel the pressure of the promotion a LOT more then (perhaps) you (or someone your age) would.
So honestly, if she is with her buddies, I would just say hi and no more. You said you are not really friends anyways. And yes, I would just remain polite.
Now if she snaps at you for no apparent reason I would just gently remind her that you know what you are doing (if you do, that is :) )
I would just focus on the job and the colleagues you DO like and let her do her thing.
And I would put the slightly green-eyed monster to bed.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 March 2013):
Don't let her highschool attitude get to you. She doesn't matter. What you're basically doing is making her important, because you want to be acknowledged by her. Well, screw that. If she can't be nice enough to say 'hi' to you then she doesn't deserve your attention nor your thoughts. I used to let stuff like this get to me and stop me from enjoying my job. Then I realized that I didn't want people like that to have that much power over me and I stopped caring. Instead, I focused on colleagues I did get along with and how they treated me.
As for how to handle her: only do what's necessary. Keep saying 'hi' but no more than that. No need to mirror her: it's better to set the right example as it'll only make her look worse next to you. Other than that keep your mind off her.
Now, if her behavior worsens and she actually starts mistreating you, take action. But for now she's just an airhead. Annoying, but harmless. Just shrug and move on. You know your worth.
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