A
male
age
30-35,
walshie93
writes:Do what makes you happy.Note, this applies to EVERYONE.We’ve all heard it said.But when do we know whether what we are doing is making us happy, or just creating an illusion that we are?There’s a classic scenario in the dating world that all of us have done once and it comes when we should be saying enough is enough. We get involved with a woman, we become emotionally invested in her, we start to let her become a central figure in our life, sometimes we ignore negatives about her, play them down and we explode the positives.No matter the length of involvement with a girl, at some point in our lives, we have let our feelings take control. They empower us to think differently about situations, and sometimes, that isn’t at all good.When we start giving more than we are given or when we hear “but we can still be friends” we have gone with it.Sometimes, the intoxication of a female around you and the feeling of being content and happy that you believe she gives you can be so strong that you don’t want to drop it.However, you can feel deep down you aren’t truly satisfied, you feel the hole in your heart and yet you confuse the “female shaped hole” with a “her shaped hole”. You choose to ignore your own values and needs.We all need to remember that we are the prize.Apart from family, at no point in your life should you ever place anyone above yourself. This only leads to someone having power over you, and if love is involved, nobody should have to have power over anyone.Girls ask their ex-boyfriends to stay friends after relationships, because it benefits them.It is no longer benefitting you now, is it?What you want is to stay with her, but it hasn’t worked out and she isn’t open for negotiation. But you are so “used” to the feeling of her being around.What this is though is the effect of the oxytocin, the hormone released into your body when you feel a pair bonding with a female and you being to trust her more.When you give into another person’s demands, you betray your own values and when you betray those values, the core values that you have throughout your life that sometimes you aren’t even aware exist, you start making yourself unhappy.E.GYou value freedom. But the girl you are currently involved with wants you to be there beck and call, when she calls you; you have to drop what you are doing. You go to her when she calls because you don’t want to upset her, but you are ignoring your value and in fact giving her power over you.To put it into perspective, I was recently involved with a female. Initially she was everything I thought I wanted, however she was emotionally damaged (see previous posts of mine) and so she didn’t want a relationship or to be exclusively dating anyone.The first betrayal of my values came when I asked her into a relationship, we debated and discussed for several days whilst still spending time together and eventually she said “No”.I continued to stay speaking to her, I gave more than I was given, she was comfortable and I wasn’t. It was me who had to adjust to her. Fast forward on and the second betrayal of my values came when I wanted to spend time with her before I went away. I found out she was visiting another boy, and no doubt she was ****ing him.Now many may say “I would be happy with that” and so was I originally, but when it came to me wanting exclusivity with her, when it came to wanting it to be me and her, I no longer wanted other males to feature sexually. It was a reasonable request considering the intimacy we had.I got angry, I was hurt and upset. I made a post to several forums; every PUA said “cut her out”. I did for two days, and then I went back to speaking to her. She was unaware I had even been gone. I had to adjust to her again, I had to accept again. Finally, the last straw came, despite my emotions for her and my feelings, she was never too concerned with meeting up with me before I left, I had 4 days left to see her and where she made time for others, she didn’t for me.I said to myself.“Why are you doing this to yourself, what are you looking for, why do you stick around this girl?”Well, firstly, I was scared. Scared of not finding girls like her again but then I realised, I don’t want a girl like this again. I don’t want a girl who ****s other guys and includes me in her harem as well. I don’t want a girl who thinks a pathway through life is to have no attachment whatsoever to any male.I want a girl who I care for and she cares for me, I want a girl who has emotions. I thought if I stay speaking to her and give the image that I am happy with her, she will eventually say, I am free tomorrow; I will come and see you. I was waiting in hope for her.I was under the illusion I was happy with her but I was undermining my values. What I wanted, I wasn’t getting off her and never was going to, and so I left, I deleted her number and I told her to **** this and to **** you.Admittedly that last message to her was immature, but you know what? It’s what I wanted to do and I wasn’t going to let her affect what I wanted anymore.So to everyone out there, when you meet a female or you have been involved with one, remember to never put her above yourself. Never compromise what you want, never compromise your values for hers. If she is not willing to negotiate then you shouldn’t be willing to stick around.With negotiation comes a new value that you will BOTH share.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): Here is the thing...There are different types of men and women. What you say can be true of a man doing the same to a woman. I believe if you are wanting an exclusive relationship with a person and they say "no, I don't want that," then they were honest with you and you need to move on right then. It is obvious that you are not on the same page at that time. It would be hard to move on, yes, but that is your sign that he/she isn't the one. Secondly, yes, you should put your girlfriend above yourself. But she should also put you above herself. This is a sign that marriage is possible. It must be a mutual thing. You must be able to say, "Sorry, friend, I can't go out tonight because my girlfriend/wife is sick and needs my help." (Or other similar circumstance.) But she must also be able to do the same thing for you. You must be able to think, "If I go flirt with this girl, it will hurt her, so I won't." And he must be able to do the same. So, if you are in a relationship with someone who can't do that, then they aren't the right person for you.
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