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male
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anonymous
writes: Please helpare you born gay, or do certain things in life or the way that you grow up determine your sexuality.Since childhood, I was not very boyish, or tough, more soft, timid, femine, as I got older and knew the ways of behaviour i bcame more charming and the true gentleman that attracted the ladies but I still find myself attracted to menhelp Reply to this Question
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male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (12 March 2006):
 This issue is actually a highly debated Psychological theory 'Nature Vs Nurture,' but i believe that we are born with the potential to be anything, gay, straight, whatever, and as you grow, sexual feelings either sway one way, the other, or both (bisexual). I think to a certain extent all gay people 'go gay' but there is always a certain feeling or thing in their life which has tiggered the pre-disposition.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (3 March 2006):
 I dislike the idea that we are 'born' with certain personality traits, including sexual orientation intensely. I think it's possible to be born with genetic predispositions to be a certain way but I would generally say the rest is nurture. It is rather like the concept of catylysts; certain situations, events 'trigger' the pre-disposition.
In other instances; highly self-aware people act as their own trigger. This is a really complex question and doesn't have an easy answer. However, the concrete part has already been covered well.
Whether you were 'born' or 'made' the way you are really does not matter in the last anylysis. It's who you are and the people that matter in your life, that are genuine will accept you and care for you just the same no matter which gender you are attracted too. Don't fake it. As has already been pointed out this will lead to alot of unhappiness.
Good luck, hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (3 March 2006):
 Honestly, does it really matter whether you are born gay or if certain things that happen in your life cause you to be attracted to people of the same sex? I think it can be both - for instance, some boys who are molested by men grow up and find themselves attracted to men and it could be a result of the abuse. Some people always know they are gay and feel different as kids. Either way, all that matters is that you are attracted to men and there is absolutely no problem with that. You should be who you really are and do what makes you happy. Follow your heart! I don't think a straight person could convince themselves to become gay any more than a gay person can try to be straight. You just have to accept and love who you are. If you try being with women, all you will end up doing is hurting a lot of people - yourself, the women involved, and possibly your lovers. You will never feel complete if you don't pursue true happiness. Just go with it and don't be afraid!
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (3 March 2006):
 If you are attracted to someone of the same sex you are homosexual. I honestly believe we are 50-50 when it comes to nature v nuture. I also believe we cannot be *made* to be gay.
It is really true when women say that gay men are wasted on men, I am what some more crude people would call a *fag-hag* as two of my many friends are male and gay. They know exactly how to treat a woman, with respect and how to have fun. There is no pressure you see about the sex thing!! I also have lesbian friends. Each of them say they knew they were *different* if not *gay* when they were children.
I dont think you can be influenced in our society to be straight or gay, although I do believe that it is easier knowadays to declare you are bisexual if you are a woman (bi-curius, might be a better way of putting it)
If you are worried about why you are gay have you thought about seeing a professional counsellor, or maybe getting in touch with one of the many websites that cater for confused people or phonelines?
I hope you are not trying to be something you are not, as I strongly believe that *faking it* will result in your long-term unhappiness.
I wish you all the best.
X
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