A
male
age
30-35,
*bsessedbloke
writes:Shallow men only go after attractive women. Would it be fair to say that shallow women only go after bad boys? I notice that bad boys tend to have more "alpha" personalities and therefore higher status in society. Perhaps men are wired to seek fertile reproductive women and women are wired to seek powerful providers?Stuck at home with nothing much to do, me and my female best friend have been binge watching quite a few soap operas. I notice a recurring theme in the plots. Given two equally good looking blokes, the hot chick usually prefers the bad boy over the nice guys.We recently watched Lost, a long running series about a bunch of people stranded on an island. The hero is a "ridiculously handsome" spinal surgeon. He is kind, intelligent, and a gentleman. There is a antihero character as well, a "ruggedly handsome" conman and thief. He is rude and sarcastic and steals women from their partners. No prize for guessing who the heroine of the story falls for. The bad guy. No prize for guessing who my female housemate finds more attractive either. The bad guy deep down inside supposedly has a kind heart while the good doctor is supposedly too wimpy because he is a sensitive man who cries too easily.What I find disturbing is my housemate even found the main character in another series who is a serial killer attractive. He is supposedly a lonely person who was abandoned by his mother when he was a kid. My housemate says he would be the ideal boyfriend if not for his " murderous tendencies" but he can be "saved" if given love by the right woman.So what's it with girls and bad boys?Is it just a phase? I notice that young women tend to go for the wild guy who rides bikes, the fireman, or the bartender with the tattoos. Sometimes these women get divorce and remarry. Usually if they remarry they would be in their 30s. Usually the next guy they marry fits the nice guy description, financially stable, although boring.
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male
reader, NoodlyCatastrophe  +, writes (1 January 2021):
 Men, women, and everything in between aren't one collective hive mind. Considering there are about 7.7 billion people on this planet, I'd say the chances for finding the same kind of shallow women that you may find in shallow men is pretty high. However, the whole "attractive women primarily go for bad boys" sort of concept is plain wrong.
I knew attractive women who went after innocent looking, demure mannered men. I also knew attractive women who went after gaming nerds. For example, I am super smitten by a goth model on Instagram. Damn fine looking woman with tats and darkness all over her. Yet, she's married to a total geek that resembles a catfish. Totally cool with him though. Nothing against him. Just saying what's reality out there.
This whole alpha, beta, gamma personality trope is too limiting. People aren't attracted to trends. People are attracted to how things make them feel. Being a bad boy seems like a huge focal point in sex and intimacy, because people are so enamored with 'false positives'. The anti-hero bad boy. They make for cheesy romance novels and great talking pieces for cookie cutter relationship coaches. The reality is that men, women, and everyone else fall for the people that tickle their emotional, mental, and/or sexual libidos. That's all it is.
If you ever meet me in person, right off the bat, I will come off as the average Joe, with a slight beer belly who has a love for blogging and gaming. If you ever talk to my wife however, she would laugh and tell you I can be quite the asshole, super Alpha in some things, and can be a bad boy when I want to be. I don't anymore because I'm bored of all of that and I'm lazy. ^_^
Being a bad boy isn't a personality trait. Being a bad boy is phase of one's mood.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2020):
Short answer: Yes.
However, it is not all about "bad boys."
Women like attractive men. That means physically attractive. That means attractive in other ways like smart, rich, or funny.
In general, women are drawn to men that are the best at what they do. If they are artists then they are good at it. If they are athletes then they are good at it. If they are whatever... busboys... if they are good at it and recognized for it by others women are drawn to that. If they are easy on the eyes that helps, too.
The idea that women would go for a "bad boy" instead of a "spinal surgeon" is something that mostly men conjure up. Of course some women, especially young women, get excited by a guy with tattoos that rides a motorcycle and sleeps with a lot of girls, but in general what women want is adventure.
Regis Philbin died today. I don't think anyone would call him a "bad boy." However, his long term wife said she was excited by him because being with him was an adventure. She never knew what he might be up to next.
Women hate being bored and, yeah, hit the gym sometimes and dress nicely. Men want women to look good but don't put as much effort into it as women do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2020): I think initially it is the looks that attracts a females attention to a guy but after that other factors influence her decision whether to continue or not. The other factors are maturity, galantary, honesty, success, personality, cleverness, personal hygen, good manners, culture, being nice to be with,..etc. Women are much cleverer than men in choosing a mate. My advice to any young man is read, read, read and keep away from computer games and porn if you want to develope an enchanting personality and be successful with women.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 July 2020):
 Sure.
I have known women who would only date men with money. I have known men who would only date girls with big breasts fake or not. No personality to speak of. Nothing exceptional except a large chest.
I think women want a MANLY man. But they are hard to find. Because men think they have to be these "soy-boys" or total dick "bad-boys" to get women.
The expectations of men are HIGH these days. It's not just about his ability to PROVIDE that is important. It's ALSO his looks, his taste, his social media PRESENCE (smh), his image. So what is a man to do? Fake it. And where does it get women who wants a good man? No where.
(not saying that expectations of women are any easier, but for men it has changed a lot more)
I never went for the bad boy. I know plenty of women who didn't and who don't. I think women who DO NOT have good male role models, pick either a man who IS like their father or men who are "bad boy" or abusive and controlling. Because they didn't grow up seeing LOVE. Real love.
I feel bad that some young women thing that fighting with a BF like cats and dogs, or being called names, hit, treated like shit, jealousy due to infidelity etc. IS somehow ROMANTIC. That it's someone exciting! It's really not. It's pathetic. Because they don't LOVE themselves enough to WANT more.
And lastly, NO when these women REMARRY a good guy life isn't going to be just boring or dull. It might be safer and more predictable but how is that a bad thing? Stability, trust, respect, faithfulness, supportive might sound like boring words to some, but it sounds good to me. It sounds healthy. And you can have plenty of "excitement" in your life without the drama.
Now if we talk movies and TV.....
I really liked Mads Mikkelsen's character of Hannibal in the TV show. Yes, he is serial killer cannibal, yes, he is fascinating, smart, clever but OH SO stunted on the emotional level. Not a guy I would touch with a 50 foot pole in real life. Same with Dexter. It's not that the person is BAD that attracts people to TV shows like that, It's the character that is well written. It's an abomination. An aberration. Unfamiliar to us. Something we don't understand. With ENOUGH human element to get us curious. It's NOT because these character are BAD that people like them. And it's not because they are HOT that all is forgiven and people like them.
OTOH Christian Bale's character in American Psycho has NO redeeming qualities WHATSO EVER. Even if the book is well written, it's too graphic (I think on purpose).
The main dude in 50 shades of shit (oh sorry, Shades of gray) is another "bad boy" that doesn't hold up. Sure, the actor is hot but that doesn't out weight the pisspoor plot and the one dimensional character. Yet, you still see women go bonkers for that movie.
But movies are not real life. Even though there have been a METRIC shit tonne of women who ACTUALLY wrote to Ted Bundy wanting to MARRY the sicko. Same with Charles Manson. Now WHY that happens I don't know. I don't understand it. AT ALL. It's might be the "Mommy savior" behavior (women who think with enough LOVE they can save anyone...) who knows?
Humans are strange. Men AND women both. In different ways.
All you can do is consider your own actions and choices.
We like to think we are in control. We are not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): Well you are almost right. But you missed something but almost got it right towards the end.
Girls tend to be impressed by any characteristic in a man that is pointing towards being powerful, strong, protective and aggressive. partly because these are 'male' characteristics told to us while we are socialized to be more 'feminine' by being polite, soft and helpless. Over time, gender stereotypes have slightly balanced out but more or less remains the same. From my personal experience, it is a combination of several factors why i ended with a bad guy when i was young and after 24 or so, started to prefer good guys.
1. When you're new to sexual feelings, you get attracted more to the concept of male rather than a person..it's a type of objectification..you're after a gender, the stronger the signs that he is not a boy or a girl but a MAN turns you on. Many other personality characteristics fly out of the window while you've not yet figured out what exactly is love, sex and relationships. It's more of a pure sexual attraction. You hardly know what it feels like to be loved, the emotions or attachment that may arise from a relationship. So your attraction is limited to identifying a male and going for someone who seems to fit the gender stereotype the most!
However, as a grown up lady, I started to see every male as a male, I understood that they all have similar desires sexually. what differentiated them was their personalities, beliefs, values, behavior, smartness etc, that started to add upon just the fact that they are a male (now the masculine characteristics seem to less define that these are men, the moment i identify him to be biologically male it does not matter much whether he's aggressive or displays an obvious sexual desire by being a player..I know that a good guy has equal desire to be with a woman without much display.
2. Continuing from previous point, a good guy in his teenage or early adulthood is not very expressive of his feelings or attraction to a girl. He keeps it to himself, is shy, does not make a move. Our female bodies are pumped with the highest level of sexual desire and hormones at that age. The guy who makes the firmest move is taken easily. A bad guy charms you, flirts with you, knows exactly what you want to hear..some sweet nothings, compliments, and promises he does not even mean or intend! Just the idea of having this guy whom people are afraid of, love you and do things to you sends you on a high. While the nice guy who you'd have been happy to date if only he had told you how he feels and if he had realized his potential to actually stand up against the bad guy!! Now that would have been even a higher high for you but you didn't know it exists. Somehow you feel as though these nice guys aren't as interested or sexually driven as the bad guy.
3. Like an aunt pointed out above, it is a rebellious phase. You mingle with people who you are forbidden from, tend to do things you shouldn't do..it's all part of that streak. You're acting out by doing 'bad things' to yourself. Often, at the age, you were also discouraged from sex, so you associate sex and boys with 'forbidden' things and forbidden guys automatically make sense. In my country, sex before marriage is highly looked down upon, although most people do it, it is still a taboo. So naturally, these protected, restricted girls tend to hang out with guys who are more rebellious and aggressive when their bodies are subconsciously looking for action.
As we grow and mature, so does our sexuality. We ultimately find our hearts more in love with nice men who treat us well, provide well, keep their promises, make us feel loved and secure etc. I love it if a guy can be sensitive and expressive to me, if he can cry and be mushy..way more attractive than an insensitive jerk. I also know that a guy who is insensitive to others, is also equally insensitive to me while only pretending to be 'nice' to me. There is no such thing as 'nice only to me', there's either nice to everyone or bad to everyone! Of which two, I will prefer nice to everyone.
Another point which may be relevant to your question is, that girls think it as an accomplishment if a man has changed because of you. Having strong maternal instincts, you feel like babying someone who needs your care and affection to 'change and be a better man'. Until you grow up and realize there are nice guys who are even more badly in need of care and affection!
This is from a woman who has been through it all and learned her lessons. Ultimately it's a misunderstanding and lack of knowledge of the opposite gender that made me suffer. Girls who have brothers and many male friends or family members to observe make better choices earlier on and I envy them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): No most women are not . Men tend to care a lot more about appearance than women . One look at porn and how The vast majority of women are young and hot whilst men look like old dogs is one example . The nightly news which shows the young hot female newsreaders with the ageing balding male newsreader shows the huge difference
Men thrive off this double standard and deny deny deny it even exists
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): OP, you must remember that you are watching a television drama, with writers writing scripted dialogue, to entertain you, with the greater of selling you the sponsors product, as Fatherly Advice noted! What Wise Owl wrote, is an excellent desciption, psychologically of the many many types of individuals, who you may encounter! Do remember that everyone is a person unto themself. Avoid stereo typing people, or trying to pigeon hole people neatly! You will meet many people, and most cannot be pigeon holed, because most of us are a mixed bag. A person of Faith should know that fun and beautiful things and people, can be concealing the devils plan, for the demise of humanity! It is fun to drink: It is not fun to go to prison for killing someone while drunk driving! Risk is thrilling, he/she looks nice and clean and bareback will feel better: How will herpes feel or dying of AIDS? Point taken? We must be wise and treat everyone as a unique individual, due our respect as one of many who are created in GODS image!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): Everybody likes a bit of mystique and intrigue. When you are young, and exploring; you dabble with what's considered forbidden or tantalizing. I think it is equally-balanced between the sexes. Everybody is drawn towards beauty, because that's what the eye can see. That doesn't make it your preference for a mate. Once you learn to ride a bike, and you feel confident enough; you want to go faster. Then you'll opt for a motorcycle or a fast-car! Once you've satisfied your curiosity and the need for speed; you'll settle-down, and opt for what's practical.
For every male-type there is the female-counterpart. Nature created a level playing-field. For the great-guy, there's his great female-equal. For the hairy-chested, macho, fight-picking, Jack~Daniels-guzzling slick dude; there's the spitfire tattooed biker-chick with multicolored-hair, skirt up to her vi-vi, and big boobs. She'd beat you senseless with a bat; but clean you up afterwards! Unfortunately, we get the matches all mixed-up; and from that you get drama. The mental-health providers get patients, or the ER gets a flow of victims of domestic-violence. Empty-nester parents end-up having to change their exercise-room, or art studio, back into a bedroom for their adult-child. Who has come home to recuperate from their failures and bad-choices. The food-budget triples, and there's more of their dirty laundry than mom and dad's combined! God bless those parents! They warned you about that guy, or that particular female! You can't reason with horny-hormones! They even have the nerve to return home in their 40's!!!
The bad-boys like "delicate flowers;" because they're easy to push around, they cling like lent, and won't kick them out so fast. Eventually the smart-ladies learn, and once that kind of guy is out of her system; you better hold-on to your nuggets, if you dare cross her path and be what she just kicked to the curb!!!
This "shallow-principle" goes for when we're dating. We test-drive the ordinary; but we still have an eye on the hot-guy or the extra-attractive female. Who doesn't want to drive the Ferrari, when you know what it's like to drive a scooter?
We are willing to forgo the "great-personality" for the experience of raunchy-sex and some time spent with what pleases the eye, and satisfies the sexual-appetite! Testing the boundaries; while tossing our values, principles, and commonsense!
Females are often uncertain of what real masculinity is. They see the more aggressive and macho-types as "protective" and able to make them feel "safe." Proof of too much exposure to movies, social media, and TV; and the lack of a real male role-model or father-figure. They think the bad-guy is misunderstood, the 21st-century James Dean rebel; and their delicate-nature and femininity will bring out the best in him. Oh, how sooooo very wrong they are! On so many levels!
They have to live and learn when they're that caught-up in fantasy about guys. Once burnt and gun-shy, and laden with trust-issues and insecurities; they opt for the "nicer-guy." He suffers for her ex! They sometimes get emotionally-injured, and they somehow get caught in a cycle of always going for the same kind of guy. The type that hurts them! Often, they are stuck in a mindset that it's their fault; and maybe they'll get it right this time. They are drawn to a "type." Sooner or later, they will learn. For some, they never will. They like drama, and they like the drama bad-boys bring-on! He leaves them with kids as single-moms, and vanishes into the abyss! Cute kids too! They're bad too! The apple doesn't fall far from the missing-tree!
We guys are drawn to visual-appeal. We like what we see, and we feel we can handle whatever comes hidden beneath it. Not really, it's just thinking with little-johnny! Okay, or big-John! Sometimes we'll mistake a beautiful-sociopath for a high-spirited party-girl. Some fall under the spell of a broom-riding, windshield-smashing, cauldron-stirring witch! She's very appealing when sane; because she's fun, has few hang-ups, and she's an ego-booster when you show her off. Sometimes we don't outgrow that adolescent-mindset. We search for a trophy-wife or eye-candy to impress onlookers, to accrue a fan-base of haters, and to stroke our humongous egos. Over-compensating for "smaller-things," you might say!
Sometimes a guy wakes-up from his sex and drug-induced coma, and you don't even know how the hell you got there; but you had your own apartment...and now your closet is bulging with dresses, mini-skirts, tops, and 200 pairs of shoes! You now have a girlfriend...and a cat! When did this happen??? About two months ago, dude! You met on Tinder! She wants to meet your mom!
It's either a rite of passage; or our natural curiosity to explore the unknown or forbidden. Those who are wise will skip unnecessary experimentation. Those who are overcome with curiosity learn from experiments gone-wrong; and fools never learn. They never outgrow their foolishness, and live a lifetime of repeating their mistakes...while living back at home...eating their parents out of house and home! Regressing into a second-childhood; because they liked what they saw on the outside; but didn't check to see what's under the hood! They traded looks for compatibility! They thought they could "change" somebody!
Men and women are equally shallow in their gender-specific ways! Both sexes balance the scale for good and bad character-traits and human-attributes. God knew what He was doing. He gave us free-will! It's up to us to make the right-choices!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 July 2020):
 Don't confuse good drama with real life. They publish what sells.
Are women as shallow as men? Certainly.
Is the bad boy thing just a phase? Tes, and a lot of women do grow out of it.
Women remarry nicer guys because they are tired of being abused, because . . . . .
The right woman with enough love, WON'T Fix a bad boy, who can always find a younger victim.
FA
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