A
female
age
36-40,
*lackwidows_girl
writes:i fell in love with my boyfriends best friend a year ago and we've had a secret relationship ever since i ended up getting pregnant and i know hes the father not my boyfriend i feel massively guilty but i don't think i should! I moved a 1000 miles from my family for him he treated me like crap for a long time, cheated on me 3 times with different women (2 of them while i was pregnant) and his friend i know loves me with all his heart. We want to move away back to where my family is and get married and raise our son but we don't want to hurt my boyfriend. Are we wrong to want to be together, even if it hurts him [my boyfriend]?
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best friend, cheated on me, fell in love Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AmorousElement +, writes (30 May 2010):
 No. You are not wrong at all. From what you've told me your boyfriends best friend cares more about you than he does. It's his fault for not being a good bf and hurting you by cheating and treating you like crap, so don't be afraid to hurt him. Go with the one that'll make you happy :) And forget the one that caused you misery.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Why am I not surprised here? What bothers me most is the act of seeking advice and/or feedback and then you jump all defensive because you're told what you all ready know to be true? So your justified because your alleged B/f dissed you and you returned the favor? This is regressive and infantile thinking.
Play it anyway you want to. I only hope that you mature enough to be a better role model to your child. Remember that it is you who asked, we responded.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (21 May 2010):
 This isn't about accusing you of doing anything wrong, or making you out to be the bad guy here. The simple fact is, your relationship with your boyfriend is over. Him cheating and hurting you, and you doing what is only natural... wanting to be with someone who is nice to you and pays attention to you, but still ultimately cheating in return.
Your life will be better in the long run if you just part ways with your boyfriend. Whether you try to build a life with this other man is your decision. But you better be darn sure this baby isn't your boyfriends before you start telling him that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): well you showed him didn't you. not only sleeping with his best friend but now having that other mans baby and trying to pass this kid off as your boyfriends.
what you have done is totally unacceptable and no amount of your excuses can justify what you are doing. having an affair is one thing, even if it is with his best friend BUT hoodwinking your bf into believeing this kid is his is yet another. Cruel and manipulative and totally totally wrong.
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A
female
reader, blackwidows_girl +, writes (21 May 2010):
blackwidows_girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok first of all i was compleatly faithful to my bf untill i found out he had an entier other relationship for over a year with a teenager and hes in his 20s and yes i know im wrong for doing pritty much the same thing but i didnt plan on it and i didnt wanna hurt him he never gave a sh-t hes was to damn proud thinkin that he got away with playin me and the other little girl i have every intention of moving on with his friend but none of what we did was done to hurt him as much as he diserves it
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): So your BF cheated on a cheater. What are you complaining about?
Tell your BF the truth about the child and your lover and then both of you can get on with your lives.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (20 May 2010):
So basically you both cheated on each other? That means your relationship is finished... whether you are still together or not. It's over. Tell your boyfriend the truth, let him move on. You and this other guy can then try to have a life and relationship together.
If you stay with your boyfriend you will end up losing them both.
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A
female
reader, shannon222 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 To a degree, yes it is wrong. You probably should have been open from the beginning about liking his friend. But, if you and this other guy really love each other, and you could be happy together. Then go for it. It will hurt your boyfriend I'm sure. But if he cheated on you multiple times, then he has issues with wanting to be with you too. You and your boyfriend seem to have a very unhealthy relationship. I would recommend getting all of the truth out. You can never forgive yourself if you don't let him know everything. So, tell him what has been going on and then try things with the other guy. And if you truly love this guy then you should be happier. Hope this helps! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (20 May 2010):
So which one is your B/f, then? Regardless, if it's the baby's father or the guy you've cheated on, either way, you need to woman-up. It's not right nor fair to be slithering around behind your B/f's back with his best friend. Then top it off with playing everyone else-like your families-for fools. Come clean, make it right, be honest about it with everyone. Then go live where you choose with whom you choose. Out in the open as a respectable woman. Where, exactly is the sense in hiding behind "we don't want to hurt my B/f"? You already HAVE, girl. He just doesn't know it yet. What's wrong is lying to someone you claim to love. It's wrong to cheat on same. You also need to understand that you can't justify your bad behavior by pointing to other bad behavior-like his cheating. Woman-up. Make it right. Act right.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Why are you bothered about hurtig him if he's cheated on you three times and possibly more. You love his bestfirend and he loves you back, maybe if your boyfriend was perfect and he'd never done anything to hurt you then you should be worried about hurting him but he's treated you like crap and cheated on you, why are you still with him? Leave him now and run away with the man who loves you and who is willing to be with you and raise your son together. Your preganant and you should think about your unborn child and the man who loves you. Would you rather bring your child up with a horribly unpleasant role model or this man who loves you more than anything and who i can tell will shower you and his child with love?
Go for it! And good luck :) xx
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A
female
reader, Confuzed Teen +, writes (20 May 2010):
The best advise i can give you is to follow your heart and do what will make you happy. if your present boyfriend is happy then just end it with him because its not worth you being unhappy. also if his friend makes you happy then try giving it a go when you have ended the relationship
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