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He's engaged but he seems possessive of me

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2016)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Me and my crush used to work together now we work for diff companies in the same building, on the same floor.

I’m 31 female and my crush is 41 male (with a 12 yr old son) He flirts all the time with me, passes by my office daily, touches me in some form. I asked him was he single. He said yes and smiled at me. I didn’t believe him. I said you are too cute to be single he smiled again…well I got some guts and asked him to lunch and he said we’ll see. Well, that never happened…

I found it odd since he picks on me daily and flirts and stares at me. Even mutual friends thought we were dating. I did some research and found out he is engaged and has been for three years.

I don’t understand why he lied and said he was single unless he wanted to cheat. I’ve noticed when he sees me with other men or people in general he gets jealous and he just stares at me with this hurt sometimes angry look on his face.

I’ve never told him I know he is engaged, because if I do he will know I was digging on his Facebook page, and I don’t want him to think of me as a stalker. I love talking to him etc., but I really don’t know if I should say something at all. He still gets jealous, flirts and stares at me and picks on me. If I’m out during lunchtime he will wait for me so we can walk back to the office together etc.

I don’t understand him, he is engaged and there are no feelings for me in any shape or form, and he doesn’t like me like that, (hence the we never went to lunch), nor want me for a g/f. Why is he acting this way? Should I end all contact with him? If so, how do I go about doing that? Thanks for your help.

View related questions: crush, engaged, facebook, flirt, jealous

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2016):

Run in the opposite direction, you've met an energy-vampire.

He feeds off of you and most probably you are not his only "dish". People like him know exactly what they are doing. By doing the least possible, they are making you feel there is something between you two, that they find you interesting that they care.

Engaged, married or single they will flirt. They are throwing you only the crumbs and getting your energy in return, your attention, emotion, interest. You're hooked.

The moment you act on it (like any normal person would) and move it to a real level, e.g. ask him to go to lunch, they avoid it, maybe play it cool for a while and then restart the cycle.

He doesn't like you. What he likes is how you make him feel about himself. Make no mistake, him not liking you has nothing to do with you. He does not really see you. He wants you to boost his ego.

Now, you should think about why you got hooked. Are you too romantic maybe? This makes it easier for people like that to push your buttons. Finding reasons to touch you, staring at you etc. are only there to get a reaction from you. Some do it on purpose, some are not fully aware of it.

Be it as it may, at the end of the day the marry other people (and continue playing the games).

Do not be his ego booster.

My sister thought it was normal that a guy she had only met became so interested in her that he would talk about buying a ring for her. Need I tell you that in all the months he was as you say possessive of her, they never went for a coffee. Not once. And he was single!

When somebody's interested for real, he'll ask you out for lunch, or at least accept your invitation.

So, when I say run in th eopposite direction, I mean it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (30 December 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIgnore him when he throws fit at you talking to other men, WHO cares if he has "hurt" look in his eyes!? He doesn't own you and you OWE him nothing!

Second of all, cut out the flirting. And let go of the crush, he is not this GREAT charming guy, you may think he is.. he is a sleazy dude who think he someone has "rights" to your attentions..... which he doesn't.

If you are looking for a partner, a mate, a BF... HE isn't it.

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