A
male
age
36-40,
*acna1305
writes:Ok as cupid has helped me in my last relationship and im glad thats over and done with I am in a new one now and guess what? Yes I need help...Basically the woman I am with now has a rough past. We both some how met while buying a new car. She and I are not from texas and we both moved here to better ourselves. We are both from small towns with no jobs and nothing to look foward to. She moved here for another guy about a year ago and that ended when things got physical and he was also controlling. So now she has moved out and got her own place. When we first started talking we were just friends and she was showing me around houston and I was showing her around my side so we both seen our friendship as a way to help each other out, ya know? 2 people in a foreign state looking out for each other. OOOOOOOOOOK, now I have had a rough past usually with females pulling the "I dont know what I want" card where they dont know what they want and end up with another guy (Male friend while we together) weeks after we break up. This has happened more than 3 times and I start to think it has something to do with me. Each woman has said that im too good to be true and they expect some catch. And they say im too serious and want to explore other options. All while playing goofy head games....this has caused me to become very very bitter and cautious towards relationships but im working really hard to not let that get in the way with this one. I really do like her you guys have no idea. But....As we started off as friends she said she didnt want a relationship as I did I. But as time went by I started developing feelings for her. I believe in communication in relationships and especially in a platonic relationship and I told her how I felt. She said she liked me as just a friend and I was fine with it but I wanted to take space, we shouldnt goto movies, shouldnt goto beaches to watch sun rises or out to eat. Those are intimate things (Call me old fashion?) For a week we kept it at a friendly level and she insisted we do what we were doing before and "Go with the flow" doing so after long talks figuring things out, tears etc. We ended up together.Well im glad thats out the way right? Yea our schedules dont mix, see she works 2nd shift and I work early early mornings sometimes 12 to 15 hours a day. we dont even have the same off day so when we see each other its at like 10 and ill goto bed around 1. So we dont spend ALOT of time together, because i work so early in the morning and her apartment is closer to my job I started spending the night, alot actually. She said she would never live with another guy because you find out who someone really is. Her ex talked bad about her, hit her and was a fool. This has caused her self esteem to drop lower than hell itself and though we have had sex and I have seen her body she wont let me see it outside of sex. (Not that I beg to see it) Like she wont even let me see her stomach? Lol? ooooooook moving on.....more and more of my clothes ended up in her apartment and one day she gifted me with a key. ummmmmmmmmm yea she still says she wont move a guy in. Maybe im not from earth but I have not been back to my apartment in over 3 weeks. Im always at hers....does she know what she wants?She told me that the reason she didnt want a relationship was she wasnt happy with herself and how could she give me her all. I explained to her that she has to deal with issue on her own if not professionally but im here for her and I dont want her all just her best. If she can give me her best then thats her all and its fine with me. Eventually she will open up and give me more. Because of my past i have turned into a thinker. If my mind is not distracted I think, its sad....she is the same way and I find we always ask the other "You ok?" or "what are you thinking" like we need to be reassured that this will work out. Thing is Cupid it is, we act like big kids, we enjoy each others company we have so much in common we have the same mindset. My strength compliment her weaknesses and vice versa. Im 24 and been in countless relationships and this is the first woman I can honestly say I love. sad because we been dating a month and a half but there isnt a time on love huh? I took days to think if thats what I really felt and she did to. Funny because when I was writing her a letter to tell her I loved her she ended up texting me saying she has been thinking about it and wanted to tell me but she didnt know how I felt since i told her I didnt believe in it. So I know she isnt saying it just because I said it first. I didnt really believe in at first it was just a word people use to justify cheating or other head games. My question to you cupid....are things going to fast? How would I know if someone is playing head games. How can I control the situatuion so it doesnt derail. What can I do as a man to help her think more positive and know that I will never put my hands on her and she has no worries of heartbreak with me.
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her ex, moved out, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): Aww you're so nice. I just tried to be honest with you, and you sound very capable. Good luck and I'm sure it will come right! :)
A
male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (4 September 2010):
Racna1305 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, yea its very helpful. Thing is, I was paying rent at my place and imnot even there. I could be using that money for other things, help her with something. Ill take her out tonight and discuss this. I would like to thank you so much. You seem like an awesome woman unlike most of these clowns, wish u the best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Hmmm...Ok it's wonderful that you communicate so well together, that is something very good that will be difficult to lose, as in you will be able to handle many different obstacles thrown your way together.Well it seems it's too fast for you, but not for her. You asked if it's too fast, when you just answered yourself. Be honest with her, tell her you don't know how to respond to the key, that because you are not living with her you'd rather just visit more often. Maybe that would be a step forward, just visiting unexpectedly? Yes I do think it's because she is lonely, as she is new to living alone, it's a new thing to get used to and sometimes she'd like something to make her feel safer. Maybe just visit more often, maybe even when she doesn't think so, so she won't mind you not having a key. You sound like a very supportive guy by the way, good on you, never let that compassionate side of you go away ever, it's in such short supply and I really respect people like you!Just talk to her honestly, try make her see it's not anything with her, actually tell her how you are feeling, how happy you are feeling. I am positive she will see your side, and you can figure out a compromise, and when the time is right get the key. If I were her I'd appreciate the honesty.I keep trying to refer to everything you ask...About the intelligence thing, I am the same, except I feel like I am doing that for my boyfriend. But there's nothing wrong with sharing knowledge with each other, he doesn't feel inferior or anything and often takes care of me too.Gosh hope any of this can help you! :)
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male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (1 September 2010):
Racna1305 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much :) and yes that is something she has to deal with and I'm by her side and will encourage her along the way. I do trust her, weird cause I hardly trust anyone but I'm learning to let things go and movefoward. We have incredible communication and I explained to her not to take what I say personally because I tend to be blunt, I don't sugar coat anything but when we see a problem big or small we bring it up then and there. We don't hold anything in becausee 9/10 it will come back up during another problem and make matters worst. So far we have done well with that. Do you think it was too fast she gave me a key to her apartment. And that I'm spending the night every single night practically living there. She is new to living on her own and I buy her groceries weekly to take some of the load off her. I give her advice on how to save money and she comes to me with questions all the time. I don't wanna seem like I'm more intelligent than her so I thank her and let her know when I learn something from her. I think a key is too much but she was upset I tried to give it back. A key to her apartment kinda traps me because if I don't live there why have it? And she would expect me to always be there since now I have access? Think she is lonely?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Wow...what a story. Can I be honest and say it was an endearing story? It made my heart melt a little.
In a good way...I think it's so wonderful how this relationship sounds... You both are not perfect and had pasts, but are working together slowly to build up a future, no it doesn't mean for forever, but you are taking little steps all the time and becoming quite close I can tell.
In all honesty it doesn't sound like it's too fast. Too fast is only when one person is not feeling like it's a good pace...but you both seem to feel similar ways...what's really the problem with that? you both are feeling love, after being heartbroken. You seem to have lots going on which is great between you, and you're doing so well under a busy workloads.
You can't 100%know if someone is playing u, that's the thing with love, you have to trust. Take it as you are now, little steps and I'm sure the trust in each other will grow. It's a constant learning curb.
Don't overthink it, don't try control it...Just go with the natural course of the relationship as she initially said, if it's meant to be it will happen. Just be yourself and go with your gut instincts!
And she will need to work on her confidence herself, you can't do it for her. Just be positive and honest with her and encourage her if she asks for help. She will get better also with time as her trust in herself and you grows.
Good luck and enjoy this new relationship blossoming! :)
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