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male
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*nt
writes: I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years now, and it feels as though I'm traped. We have two children and it feels to me as if we are together just for them. I'm begining to hate her more and more each day. Can you help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2005): I feel similarly to you in my own relationship right now. Having read your other replies, I wonder, is it really so hard for kids to accept their mum & dad wanting or finding a new girl/boy friend? I can recall having many different friends at school and falling out with some and then in with new ones. I think the damage comes when one of the parents is left bitter and then poisons the childrens opinions of the partner who left by discussing the details of the parents relationship. I don't think this is good for the kids. So, whatever you find you need to do, you must talk with your partner, and if you have made every effort to repair your relationship, in the process you may at the least become friends and as friends still be able to co-parent your children while being able to find romantic happiness with another. Don't let it get messy, and just as your kids relationships with their friends are only slightly your business, so is your relationship with your partner only slightly theirs, spare them the graphic details. It might help you both keep their respect. If you don't make it a big deal, they won't think it is, just like when they hurt themselves as a toddler.
A
female
reader, Hella +, writes (25 September 2005):
I think you should tell your girlfriend how you feel, whilst you both still have the chance to find happiness elsewhere.
Having children is not a reason for staying with someone, because in the long run, it's the children who suffer. They suffer more when they see their parents in an unhappy relationship, than seeing their parents break up.
As long as your children know that you love them, and that you will always be there for them, no matter what, then they will be happy.
I hope things work out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005): I doubt we can help, other than steer you to family counseling so that you can explain why you are now getting so angry. What has happened in the past ten years that has finally gotten under your skin? Is your gf disrespecting you in front of the kids, or others? You have to talk to someone about this, in detail, or it is a bomb that will go off sometime, and you will regret what happens. If you can't talk to your gf, then find a counselor to talk to. He/she will help you get your gf involved in the couseling once he/she understands the problem from your point of view.
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