A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Maybe someone can give me advise. I have a friend with benefits and I feel like I am in love with him. He has told me that he loves me too but that we are friends not bf/gf. Since the day we met we spend alsmost everyday together. He wants me to come over right after work. my two boys and I spend almost every night at his house. He introduced me to his family and friends as his girl and refers to me as a friend who is a girl. He says he hopes we are together for years to come. We are not sexually active too often because he says he can see that I put feeling into it and he does not want to lead me on that we are friends. I once asked if we could be exclusive and he said no because he wants to leave his options open but that he has not been or seen anyone else in the past 9 months nor is he looking. Says that if he ever wanted to have sex with someone else he would tell me before hand and that if I said no he that he wouldnt because he does not want to hurt me or damage what we have. He tells me that if I need sex that I can have sex with other men but to tell him before I do and that he would prefer if it's only sex not dating. He also gets jealous of me talking on texting and asks if I am chatting with another guy. He has asked me to bring another woman for a three some but someone that I feel comfy with and would not feel jealous. I am bi and I don't mind him suguesting that. I am not sure if he feels more for me, are we just friends with benefits or if we are more. He tells me to relax and let things be. I have asked him if I am wasting my time and he says No that I am not. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a female writter not a male... Thanks for the response.
A
male
reader, Butterman +, writes (7 October 2008):
Your relationship is extremely unbalanced. Sex is dangerously close to ruining anything you may have her in the future.
One of you must take a stand and put an end to the sex.
I have a strong aversion to the expression "friends with benefits."
You say you are bisexual. But you say you are developing feelings for this man. He's suggesting threesomes, etc.
I can sense confusion here. I also feel like you are both using each other.
Continuing this "relationship" the way it is shows a lack of respect for yourselves and for each other.
Sex is not only a physical act. It is an expression of love. Jumping in and out of bed with multiple partners or with someone you don't love repeatedly is not an expression of love. It is feeding of hedonistic urges. Therefore, I ask, what do you want to be, one who feels true love or a hedonist that keeps feeding an urge like an addict that can't put down his or her drug of choice?
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