A
female
age
41-50,
*heredowegofromhere
writes:My husband and I have been very close friends with another couple for years. We spend holidays together, birthdays together, take vacations together, etc. My husband and the girl are very much like brother and sister and have had this relationship since long before we met. She was the one to set us up actually. Her husband and my husband are friendly, but I would not consider them close friends. However, over the past few years he and I have become very close friends. I still talk to the girl almost daily, but I am now texting the guy almost daily as well. The texts aren't flirty really, but number almost 200 per month back and forth. While our spouses are aware that we have become very close friends and know that we text, I'm not sure they know the amount we text. Are we headed into rocky territory or have I just made a great platonic friend that I should be thankful I have? Even if texts are filled with sexual innuendo, is it possible to build sexual attraction by the sheer number of times we talk throughout the week. It started where we would text once a week or every other week to now we text pretty much daily! I don't think my feelings for him are inappropriate, but I've never had a friend of the opposite sex that I was this close to. Like I said we have never lied to either of our spouses that we text and talk, but I just don't think they realize exactly how much we do it....and does that even matter?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): i agree with gina. you should leave well alone. you are dangling a carrot to see whether he bites. your intentions are unhonorable and you know it. does your hb know what his wife is up to all in the pretense of mere friendship and platonic brotherly love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): OP, you will know whether you have crossed the line. so the question is HAVE YOU?
this "relationship" is getting out of hand and you know it. whether you admit it, and do something construtive about it is up to you.
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A
female
reader, wheredowegofromhere +, writes (12 October 2009):
wheredowegofromhere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn my original post where I wrote "Even if texts are filled with sexual innuendo, is it possible to build sexual attraction by the sheer number of times we talk throughout the week." It SHOULD HAVE READ "Even if texts are NOT filled with sexual innuendo, is it possible to build sexual attraction by the sheer number of times we talk throughout the week."
If the text were all sexual in nature I would already have my answer. They are NOT in any way sexual. Just general daily chit chat...A few inside jokes we pick back and forth about...etc.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (12 October 2009):
Think of putting yourself in the position of your husband.How would you feel if he was texting his female friend 200 hundred times a month,and the content was filled with sexual innuendo?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2009):
Sexual feelings aren't always involved in affairs. There are emotional affairs, where nothing sexual happens, but you rely on each other other for a lot of emtional support. This could be where this is heading. Take a step back and focus on your marriage, see if there's anyting missing.
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A
female
reader, wheredowegofromhere +, writes (12 October 2009):
wheredowegofromhere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband/ his wife know about our relationship w/o question. At the end of the day I may mention the texts of the day...I may not. If my husband and I are having a conversation a few days/ weeks later and something similar had came up in a text w/ my friend I'll mention it. I really didn't even realize how much we texted until I got my bill. As I stated we don't get flirty in the texts or anything and I feel, at this point, strictly platonic with him. I just wonder if there really is such a thing? Can 2 people get this close, and remain this close, and sexual emotions never get involved?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2009):
It sounds like you're slowly devloping towards an emotional affair. So yes, you are heading towards rocky territory. 200 messages a month to someone who is just a friend is a lot. Be very careful. Look at your own marriage. Do you feel as if there is something missing? Do you feel loved? Try investing more time in your own marriage.
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