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female
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anonymous
writes: I was wondering if me and my partner are having enough sex and does it mean you dont crave one another as much if your not having alot of sex.We tend to have sex every other week, sometimes once a week, but never really more than once a week. Sometimes this bothers me other times it doesnt. He isnt too bothered either way it seems we kind of think oh havent had sex in a while lets have sex! Our relationship is great and we get on really good, totally love each other and nothing is ever too much trouble. We have a lot in common and rarely row, and pretty much have a fantastic loving relationship, we have great communication and when ive mentioned it before hes like well its not the sex that makes us great, its us being together thats the happy part, being soulmates is what makes us great... I get concerned that if we are not having enough sex then it could ruin our relationship, how often do couples actually have sex, i read so many different things in magazines etc, about couples who have sex 3 or 4 times a week even after being together a long time that im worried we just dont have it enough ? do couples really have that much sex, even though some reports say that women in long term relationships rarely bother with it. I think sometimes i would like it more than him, but am just happy in love with him that i think it doesnt really matter, i guess you have to have the relationship first before the sex, but we have that and sex does seem to come last down the order, does this happen to alot of couples and does it mean that we wont last ? We are very intimate all the time anyway, cuddles kisses and its rare that we caught not holding hands, always doing the lovey dovey thing and cuddling late at night in bed always naked,just doesnt always turn to sex, we know how much we love each other.. and are really relaxed together. I do get really concerned, but we are very happy together and i guess i would like more sex but dont know how to go about it, does seem that we have kind of taken the focus off sex and are happy just doing other things, maybe its because we have pretty much exhausted all the sex stuff, nothing was ever taboo, we experimented all the while and have pretty much done everything together so i guess theres nohing left to do, i mean only so many toys you can buy videos you can watch, dressing up you can do,experimenting (and i mean tried alot of things together!) and so on.. kind of feels like we have done all that and have nowhere else to go with it so its your boring normal sex... its great that we can be together and not have to constantly think better have sex, but is this wrong and could it ruin us ?I guess my questions are, how many times do couples really have sex ?And how can I make an adjustment naturally without it being all about the sex ? but the odd occasion where it could be nice as we never seem to have a window for it, dont want my man to feel hes not enough, as he is, its just would be nice to make it where suddenly think lets have more rather than the usual every other week, are there any pep ups we can take to get us in the mood ? We do have a great relationship anyway but would help to get some other peoples views on how they last in long term relationships, i wouldnt say our sex drives are different we just have alot of other things to do as well. But i want to make sure that we dont go stale and wondered what other people thought.Thanks for any comments.
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in the mood, sex drive, soulmate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): But surely though... if its infrequent then the desire must have vanished... what does that say for the years to come... worried that because of this it means that we dont want each other enough and it does make me unhappy in that thought.. surely lovers should be wanting sex more not less as they grow with one another ?
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Typo: QUALITY.
Sorry, cant spell today AGAIN. x
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (28 August 2006):
I forgot to add this:
You often hear the phrase its QWUALITY not QUANTITY. I mean I would rather have once a week intimacy with my husband that was loving and sensual and mind blowing that a 2 quikies every day that meant nothing but was purely sex. Some foolish rapper said hes into having sex not into making love, well I am sorry but thats piffle to me, sex should be about intimacy and love making, not just the buzz of having meaningful sex. xXx
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (28 August 2006):
I totally agree with the anonymous male reader below, his words are spot on in my opinion. If I was to say to you hypothetically that I have sex with my partner 6 times a week, would that have any bearing on your relationship? Well it shouldnt, some couples have sex 3 times a day everyday and are happy, some have sex every week or twice a week, or twice in a month, it all depends. Ask yourself this, are you happy? If the answer is yes then dont worry about what other couples are doing or what is being said in the magazines. Be happy in YOUR relationship. Take care. xXx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): The primary objective of establishing any relationship is being together. But you should know sex is an integral part of a 'straight' relationship. In my case, I never think of how many times I have sex with my wife in a week [ I have no calander for that!], ratehr I let it stirke me quite suddenly. Never ever think of how other couples do with that since each pair develop their own specific love- making patterns i.e, timing, frequency, etc.you are happy, and can be envy of many.
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