A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:**It is a little long, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the time to read it!!!Long story short, I have an FwB, we do not have sex though (I am a virgin - he isn't), and it was MY choice to become friends with benefits, except we didn't really know eachother at all before we were FwB, so I guess we are more 'randoms with benefits', well were, we know eachother better now.Basically he treats me like a GF (I pretty much treat him like a BF too, but only because he was treating me like a GF, otherwise I would find it inappropriate for our kind of relationship)*He texts me at least every two days.*Recently he has been texting me every day straight after he gets out of school, sometimes even during school.*He puts kisses at the end of lots of texts (little x's)*He wants to see me often (usually we see eachother once a week, but sometimes wants more than that).*We say goodnight to eachother pretty much every night, and he always puts heaps of x's and o's, and sometimes even puts a little heart ( 3 )*He calls me cutie, it's like his pet name for me*He treats me really well, and texts me no matter when it is (even if he is at a party or is hanging with his mates), and even texts me during his work breaksAnd this really amazed me:I have a bad case of lockjaw (I have been trying to fix it and have booked an MRI and everything, and have been given special pills and stuff..). and I didn't want to tell him (mainly because I thought it would be fixed before our next 'meeting', and basically I can't give head, because I cannot open my jaw wide at all! (and it hurts to do so) ).So basically he had asked me multiple times that day 'are we gonna chill?xx'and I kept saying 'maybee' because I didn't want to tell him that I couldn't do pretty much what he wanted to do the entire time (or so I thought)But then I finally told him, and was so afraid that he wouldn't want to see me anymore that night (because we are FwB so I figured since I couldn't give him head he wouldn't wanna see me). And I explained what was wrong and how I had desperately been trying to fix it, and told him that I would understand if he didn't want to see me anymore that night.And he said 'No no baby, I wanna see you :) It's ok, I don't mind, we can still chill, and I'll still get to do stuff to you. If you wanna? xxxx'So basically, he was fine that I couldn't do much for him, and even was willing to do stuff for me!! And that's exactly what happened, we hung out for almost 2 hours, and most of that time was spent on me (I did obviously stuff for him too, but no details because that would be a bit inappropriate), and when we were saying goodbye I lingered for a few minutes, because I didn't want to leave (and he wasn't exactly eager to just drop me home and drive off either), and he gave me a long warm hug, and lots of kisses (on the cheek and stuff too), and then I finally left.And then he texted me as soon as he got home, and we spoke for a little, but I was very tired and went to sleep within 30minutes.What does this mean??? Why does he treat me like this even though we are FwB??****Please no judging, I do not need the 'OMG YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!!!!'. I am fine with it, and that should be all that matters. It is my life, my body, and I am faithful to him (even though we are no strings) and do not go off and do stuff with every guy. He has been my first pretty much everything (except sex, and NO I do NOT plan on having sex with him any time soon - he is aware of this). He too hasn't done anything with other girls (well sexual, I do know that he kissed one or two girls a few weeks ago, but I do not care because we are no-strings).We have been FwB for over a month now. And personally, I actually think it is more like we are dating, but not exclusively, except there is more sexual stuff involved... but who cares about labels, just please tell me why he treats me like this and what it means..?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I agree with Cindy. You seem to have a pretty low image of yourself if you are worrying that a guy won't see you because you cant give him oral sex.
To be frank, if that is all a guy wants, then he is NOT worth your time, even in a friends with benefits situation.
You say you dont care, but you obviously do, otherwise you wouldnt be asking this question, and you wouldnt be worried about him not wanting to see you if you cant suck him off. You would just go out and find another random to be fwb with. Being fwb, he could drop you tomorrow without any excuse - lockjaw or anything else, it wouldnt matter.
I think he actually wants to be more than fwb.
Why not just date the guy? What is so wrong with dating? Have a bit of commitment? or are you scared that then you will be tied down?
I feel sad that at 15 you think fwb is ok.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 It means that , beside a bad case of lockjaw, you also have a medium case of low self esteem.
I found sad, and surprising, that at your age, first thing you think is " if I can't give him oral sex, then he won't bother with me , I'll be a waste of his time ". Whaaat ? Who treated you so bad that at 15 you think the only thing men can like about you is your oral prowess ? And, that being the case, WHY would you waste your time on a guy that only wants you for that ?
Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds to me that you like this guy and would actually like to date him, officially and regularly- only ,you are afraid that he would reject you, or make fun of you, because you fear, or feel, he sees you only good for random hook ups.
Worrying about what other people think and what does it mean if he says X ,and if he does Y when I do Z... it's exhausting ,nerve wrecking, an a total waste of time.
Worry about what YOU want and feel. Do you want to date him ? Tell him. Ask him . He seems to like you , maybe he'll be open to a relationship. Or, he likes you but he does not want to be in a committed relationship- he'll say that, then YOU can decide if what HE has got to offer you is good enough for you and not the other way around.
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