A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have four children, ages 11, 9, 8 and 4. The issue is that we do not get out very often. It's not really that we do not have babysitters. My family is always willing to babysit.I really like people. I mingle easily and love to get out. It's just that we do not really have a group to go out with. We used to have a group of my husband's friends. The couple who usually got the group together got a divorce. We have gotten together a couple of times, but not very often. We have tried, but some of the group is more conservative and do not like to go out and spend money. Yes, we could do a barbecue or a get-together at someone's house, but I would like to get out socially with other people.The people who I know and get along with in our community all seem to have their own groups, and I get the distinct impression that they do not want their groups interrupted. It kind of hurts my feelings, but I do not know what to do about it. I don't want to push my way in.Sometimes there are events that I would like to go to, but I would feel awkward if my husband and I went alone, considering that everyone else would be there with their groups.Can any of you relate to this? Does anyone ha ideas or suggestions on how to get out more socially?Is it expecting too much of friends who we know in the community, who we do favors for to include us into their groups or at least to ask us to join them once in awhile? Do they not consider us friends if they do not include us or invite us? Any insight or advice in this area would be appreciated.Discouraged in Denver
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (9 November 2009):
Geez, what kind of exclusionary children of the corn community did you move to? There's no real answer to mingling except to mingle relentlessly unafraid. Those events are exactly the kind of place you meet contacts that will, in a sense, "sponsor" you into their groups. Find someone who seems accesible and try to make friends. Once they know you and like you it's very difficult to exclude you from social events without it being very awkward. Just make sure you dont look or act very different from your community. Are you some different religion or sect from them? Because if you are that will need to be explained. So pick off an easy target from a group that you like. Invite them to bar-b-ques until they are sufficiently socialized to you, then you're in!
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