A
female
age
41-50,
*licia
writes:i have these friends that i have known since university. Some of them have gotten married and some who are single. everytime they have problems in their relationships, hardships at work or they just need a friend i am always there. i answer the phone even if its in the middle of the night. one of my friends daughter had to undergo a serious operation and i was with her at the hospital and at home helping out untill all was well. but when i need a friend and i am down when i call them they dont pick up their phones or they tell me they are not able to come be with me. and if i want to talk they just listen for a second then its back to them and i have to listen to their issues. Please help me understand why they would do this? are they real friends or are they telling me i dont belong in their group?
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female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Hello Alicia,My Mom had a friend that acted just the way you are describing your friends. Whenever that friend wanted or needed someone my Mom was always their for her. Even when it was inconvenient for my Mom. However when my Mom wanted or needed someone that friend ignored my Mom or changed the subject back to herself. At one point in time my Mom suffered from breast cancer and this friend still acted EXACTLY the same way. I always warned my Mom that this friend never cared for her and was just using her. My Mom was always hurt that her friend never seemed to be there for her.Honestly you don't need "friends" like that. They just use you and when it comes down to it they are never around when you need them. They just don't care about you. Your best option is to ignore them or change the subject when they need you. Keep them at arm's length and stop expecting them to care or to act like a friend. Try getting involved with people who do care about you. Having friends like that is not healthy and will only drive you crazy.Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): They do not sound like true friends, they seem to be so wrapped up in themselves (selfish). I went through something similar, a bad time and lets just say the people I thought I was closest to, the people I though were my best friends turned out to be nothing more than acquaintances.
Its a harsh lesson to learn in life, but when we go through tough times it gives us a different perspective on things and opens our eyes. So there is nothing like really finding out who your friends are when going through a rough patch.
My advice is distance yourself from them. Don't bother having it out with them, its WHO they are. Distance yourself make new friends that are not so self absorbed. DO NOT answer the phone all the time to them and when they start going on about their problems just tell them politely that you have to go... you have something cooking on the stove, you have lots to do.
Its difficult now but meeting new people and mixing in new circles will help you move on.
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 They arnt your real friends honesty is the best policy..
Real friends are there for you when you down,
Pick you back up of the ground,
And listen to all your problems and try find a soloution..
Sounds like they are all out for them selfs (selfish)
Don't do nothing for them from now on. And when they ring you tell them your busy if they are your friends they will see where they are going wrong and how unfaire they are treating you and you don't deserve it :)
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A
female
reader, Mather  +, writes (1 May 2012):
They truly really deep down are not friends.They are talkers and not listeners and if you ask them that ,you will see they will get offended.A true friend will not get offended but will say". Really is that what I do".Honey a friend is a person who will be there for u 24-7 and friends or true friends are very very hard to find.Re think and reevaluate your situation and don't pick up that phone at night.You may be their true friend but they are not your true friend.Sit down and think and you will see
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