A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello urm where to start.. I was going out with a boy who had just moved to where i live i have known from being a little girl as our family knew eachother, I will call this boy 'C'. Now about a month ago 'C' said he realy liked me and wanted to go out with i was still unsure because i had just recently had a break up about 2 weeks later i decided i might aswell give him a try, anyway after i had give him a try things were going okay untill i sarted to notice a bit of flirting between him and one of my best friends who i will call 'W' so because i had her facebook password i went onto her facebook to see if they talk to eahcother not expecting much just a normal conversation i just wanted to put my mind at rest, anyway i went on and oh my did i get a shock! They were saying things like lets have sex and lots of kisses and my friend putting okay jokes lots of kisses and then he put you know im sexy lots of winky faces and kisses and then she put yes you are meet me at because you are sexy winky faces and kisses. Now will somone please tell me if i am wrong in thinking this is flirting? They both were 'joking' and he said he loves me to bits and would never choose her over me. Now we have lasted longer i keep thinking they are flirting, and i believe him but for some reason i think my friend fancys him even tho she has a boyfriend i forgot to mention my friend is a big flirt but doesnt like to admit that she is a flirt, but thats what she is known for flirting.What do i do? Am i being paranoid is it not worth losing a relationship with somone who i actually do like over? Or am i being to blind?
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a break, am I being paranoid, best friend, facebook, flirt, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 you are welcome Rebecca.
And I wish you the best in the future,
Regards
Abella
A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (21 October 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 October 2011):
Your Vision is 20:20
Yes they are flirting.
Your guy obviously likes girls. It was "C" who said he
"really liked me and wanted to go out"
But is he ready for you?
And she is flirting with your C - that is cheating on her guy.
If a guy wants to be the exclusive friend of a girl AND then he wants to openly flirt a LOT then the guy is not ready for an exclusive partnership.
And if the flirting was just a bit of "playing" but is shallow and means nothing ? Well then how shallow are they two of them? It is like those people who think saying good-bye is sincere when they say "must do lunch". I laugh when I hear anyone say that to someone because it it is a "kiss-off" remark. About as genuine and useful as a piece of discarded plastic.
If a guy wants a committed real genuine friendship with a girl then his energy and commitment should be directed at the girl he claims to like.
Neither of these flirts are ready for a relationship, even if they are in a relationship, if they choose to do this clandestine flirting behind the back of their alleged partners.
If you want to give your guy a chance then ask him for honesty.
"Best friends" do not flirt with the boyfriend of their "Best friend"
The act of a girl flirting with a guy who is with another girl is an "Act of Sabotage" in the dating game. Yes she would like to alienate the affection your guy may feel for you away from you. She may not want the guy for herself. Some girls just like breaking up other girl's relationships and then return to their own guy with the remark "Oh that? It was just a bit of fun". Except it is not fun for anyone except the girl who wants to ruin other people's relationships.
If he is gullible enough to fall for this flirty girl's ploy then maybe he is not mature enough for you? And too shallow by half? It is deceitful for a guy IN a relationship to go flirting on facebook with another girl.
But what about "C's" remark "he loves me to bits and would never choose her over me"?? She is already in a relationship. So has he considered that she needs to break up with her guy before he can choose her. And he needs to break up with his girl before he can choose her.
Honestly I think C deserves this girl.
You are way too good for him. And she is no friend of yours either.
If he can come clean with you. Admit he has been a shallow flirt with this girl. Admit he has disrespected her.
But I don't think he even deserves that.
The best lesson he could get would be to lose a really nice girl (you) just because he wanted to flirt with this other girl who is also disrespecting her relationship with her guy.
I think your guy needs to learn that all actions have consequences. And ACTIONS tell far more about a man that his sweet talking platitudes, and back-peddling, when he knows he has been caught out.
Maybe you are far more forgiving than I am about cheating. Because one act of cheating and I would be out the door. I know that seems very tough. But it has always been my philosophy. I have seen more forgiving friends so saddened by cheating.
So I never wanted to ever suffer it as it would surely result in wasted hours, days, years? of pain. And if a guy knows that is the attitude of his lady? Then you will only attract guys who do not want to cheat. The cheats choose to say "bye" very early on before anything starts as they know they cannot comply.
It is not dis-similar to any contract. A relationship is a contract. You agree to be pleasant to each other, you agree to honor each other, you agree to be honest and supportive to each other. And you agree to not cheat. You agree verbally but it is still a contact.
If a person breaks a contract they are showing their "word" means zilch. They cannot be relied on.
Cheating is breaking the contract in my book.
Preparing to cheat by heavy flirting done on the side is preparing to break the contract.
Don't you think you deserve and honorable guy who really keeps his word? and chooses to not cheat? I think you do deserve such a Good Guy. If C can become this good guy then I will be happy for you. if not keep reminding you that you do deserve a Good Honorable Guy.
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