A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Are these warning signs? After two years of being a couple, my boyfriend still doesn't remember my birthday; doesn't notice if I get my hair done (and I'm talking blonde highlights on otherwise dark brown hair) I've had my hair cut, highlighted, and straightened and he's never once noticed. He never pays me a compliment, or tells me I look nice, when I undress in front of him, he leaves the room, or averts his eyes. And last but not least, we were out together tonight, and something came up about eye-color, so I playfully turned my face away from him and asked him what color eyes I had. He had no clue!! And here's the thing, I have ultra emerald green eyes. It's the one thing most people notice about me first. And they aren't manufactured by colored contacts either, they're natural. My whole life, everyone has always complimented me on the color of my green eyes because they are unusual and very vivid in the right light -- I couldn't believe he'd never noticed! And I'm thinking, good grief am I completely invisible to you??? But he sure remembered his last girlfriend's eye color (brown) and the one before her (also brown) and his ex-wife (had blue-green eyes because she wore special colored contacts)....but my God-given green eyes, have escaped his attention for the past two years. This by itself probably wouldn't be so bad but if you couple it with everything else, I really am starting to think I'm invisible to him. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): http://lovehonoranddismay.blogspot.com/2006/08/dismaying-story-39-to-ask-or-not-to.html
Then again, it could be a case of you expecting him to be a mind reader. We need to communicate and teach our partner how to love us, and if you have done that and he still fails the test, then that is something else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): I certainly understand how you feel about him not noticing and complimenting you ever. I think it sounds like you have allowed him to take you for granted in some way....Are you the one who plans most of your dates, the one who does most of the calling, if it weren't for that, would it be a longer time before he called and asked you out? Does he expect to just drop by late at night for a booty call after being out with friends? Does he ask you out Thursday for Friday night?
If all of this applys then maybe he is not as interested in you and the relationship as you think he is. He may just be biding his time until something or someone else comes along.
You sound gorgeous, so it is not your fault, he may for what ever reason not be that into you....so I would start making some other plans that do not include him and let him know that your are ready to remove yourself from the relationship if he does not step up his game!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): Warning signs? In a word, Yes!!! Some men can be more observant than others, but from what you say, in his general behaviour towards you he must be blind, or stupid when it comes to knowing anything about women, the way they think and what they feel. My partner may not compliment me every day on my hair, attire, etc, but the occasional comment he does make is worth twenty ordinary compliments, plus he shows me every day how special I am to him in other ways, like cooking my favourite meals, treating me to an ice cream during our walk on the beach, so many things. If he doesn´t treat you as someone special in his life, that deserves not only care and respect, but also affection, love and attention he is not worthy of you. If you are able to talk to him about how his behaviour affects you then do so, otherwise, wait around for things to gradually get worse. Good luck!
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