A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a little worried about the relationship I have with my boyfriend, but I don’t know if I am being paranoid or not. A few years ago I was in an abusive relationship. My instinct at the time told me to get out, but I didn’t and I got hurt. I am now currently in a relationship with a new guy for the first time since my previous abusive relationship ended. We have been going out for 3 months. He seems really sweet but my instinct is telling me I am in trouble. I just have this feeling that I am being manipulated and I am going to get hurt again. But I could just be paranoid because of what happened to me before. I remember him telling me before we went out that his mum was dead. But I have met her, and she isn’t an aunt or anything, she is his actual mum. But he was with his best friend when he said this to me, why would he lie in front of his mate? I don’t know if I just imagined it. Also, I had a lot of friends and I think he turned them against me. But I have no proof. I don’t really know what to do, I don’t know if I am going mad or I am detecting the early signs of an abusive relationship.I looked up the signs of an abusive relationship and none of them seem to fit, he doesn’t insult me or blame me for anything. I don’t know whether to break up with him or not. What happens if I am wrong? Also he is on my university course, so I won’t be able to get away from him. Sorry if I sound insane, I just need to know if I should trust myself or not.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (24 January 2013):
 To be honest it does sound a little paranoid but we aren't there, sometimes it is just a gut instinct thing. I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt for now but keep an eye out for anymore signs...Ultimately it's down to how you feel. Is he worth it? Only you know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): You're not being insane, anyone would be thinking the same as you if they found out that he lied about something like that and don't doubt yourself because he obviously did tell you that. And you should ask your friends if they feel that he has had a negative impact on your friendships, and another good indicator is to say to him that you are going out with your friends and then see how he reacts, but make it something in the day because if you go curbing then will be harder to judge because guys are more likely to not like that. But never ignore your instinct.Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, carlacarlacarlacarla  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 This situation doesn't seem abusive to me ... but you're perceptive to notice these subtle signs that suggest something's not-quite-right.
Since you acknowledge that you may have imagined him telling you that his mother is dead, perhaps you should assume you misunderstood and let this go. A habit of contradictions, though, suggests he's a liar. Even if his lies seem unimportant, this still indicates that being truthful isn't particularly important to him – which unfortunately means anything he says questionable.
Without more specific reasons as to why you feel he's turned your friends against you, I don't feel like I have enough information to comment on this matter.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2013):
I don't see the same signs everyone else seems to... what it feels like to me is that you're (understandably) being a little paranoid because of your past.
That being said you should always trust your instinct, it's there for a reason.
There are too many guys in the world to feel this way about one.
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A
female
reader, marypoppin  +, writes (24 January 2013):
Your gut instinct is almost always right when it comes to think. But our biggest problem is that we are conditioned not to give into our gut feelings because mostly gut feelings are not 'logical' or 'rational'.
If you feel that he is being abusive, even though you cannot see solid proof, it means that subconsciously you, yourself, recognises that. Trust your gut feeling.
Once you commit yourself to him and/or get kids, it'll be difficult to let go because you'll have solid ties to him. Break it off.
He will deny that he's doing all this to you, but the fact that once he showed up, your friends have distanced themselves is a clear sign that he does want you completely reliant only on him. Its a very scary position to be in.
All the best dear.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I do see signs. He is isolating you from friends so you have no support group. If you doubt your sanity it means he's slowly getting into your head. One way of doing that is through gaslighting. It means manipulating your sense of reality and making you feel crazy. That's dangerous. When you still have sense get out now. He can be very good at luring you back. You have to be firm. You have to trust yourself because he is not going to say he is wrong, he is abusive. Break up with him by saying you find that him saying his mum was dad was a sick joke.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 January 2013):
 HI
What is Important here is that YOU obviously don't feel comfortable, so with that being said I would end it now before it gets harder to. Your gut feeling is telling you something is not right, so be true to yourself, don't wait around for a big finale.
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 January 2013):
 IF your submittal accurately reflects things that have happened between you and this guy.... then, yes, you are viewing the beginning of an abusive "relationship"....
Why wait to find out how bad it will get? Get out now and spare yourself the anguish....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): I cant tell really but if your friends are against you pick ur friends FRIENDS FIRST is my motto
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