A
female
age
41-50,
*LH30
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years. He recently told me that he loved me but wasn't in love with me. But he wanted to be. He said that he wanted to work on things. He stayed. Now he says that he loves me. And he is glad that he stayed. He has been married 2 times. And says that he doesn't know if he will ever marry again. I have never been married. But I want to. And I wanna marry him. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 January 2013):
Make sure you are in love with the person more than you are in love with marriage....
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Hi, you know you want to be married, you also know that he is not interested in a committement, so why you still him. Don't see nor expect things that are not there. As far as your BF is concerned, he has been honest - not interested in marriage and he has his reasons. So if you stay, he assumes you accept the FWB status.Its up to you to find someone who wants to marry or keep the status quo with this guy.Don't blame him, he is being honest and said what are his requirements, it's up to you to accept the reality of the situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Allow me tell you about my friend, she started a relationship with a man who told her that he would never marry her, he wanted to build a life with her, even have kids but he never wanted the wedding or marriage. She entered the relationship and stayed with him, trying to convince him to marry her, they even had a child together. After 10 years in the relationship she finally realised that he had been honest with her, and he would never change his mind about marriage, and she left him to find someone who would marry her. Now there is an innocent little child hurting badly because his Daddy is not around as much as before (due to visitation rights imposed). Make a decision based on what you want to make you happy in life. If you really want marriage then you will have to find someone who wants the same with you, if you are happy to build a life with this man, then stay with him and do that. Having the same goals and wanting the same things is important, and at this point it is apparent that you do not have that with this man. It is hard and yes it will hurt to leave him, but sweetie you need to decide what is going to make you happy and fulfilled at the end of the day. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): I think you are beating a dead horse with this one. He is not in love with you. Maybe he is with you out of convenience or because he is confused.
I had a guy tell me once he was no longer in love with me. It sucks and I feel for you. It is such a shocking thing to hear and I was so hurt.
But looking back on it, I am glad he told me that and we are no longer together. My life is better now. I just didn't realize it then because I was so caught up in the so-called "romance."
Look, the reality is he has already told you two very compelling things signaling that it is your time to bounce. He is not in love with you. And he doesn't want to marry you. I know it sucks, believe me. But it is time for you to come to terms with it and move on.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2013):
Don't be so desperate to marry someone that you'll marry someone who doesn't seem to have strong feelings for you.
I don't blame him for not wanting to get married after two divorces. You'll probably have to accept that fact if you want to stay with him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Dump this confused idiot and find an idiot who is not so confused.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 A man with two failed marriages would think 1) Love does not last forever. 2) He can't trust his judgment to make the right decision. 3) Marriages are expensive, and so are divorces.
Do you really want to marry a man who's not in love with you?
When you date a man it is important that he is optimistic about the same things you want. He would not say he won't marry anymore because this will limit his choices in women. He has the choice of dating casually, but which woman is a better deal for him? A younger woman who is smitten, or an experienced woman who couldn't care less? That is why he strings you along. You can wait indefinitely for him to be ready, or you can find a man who is ready now, and with no baggage. You can even convince yourself that marriage and children are overrated, but then if you are with a man with no issues like this, you find yourself having more options. You may be feeling the pain of rejection and refuse to retreat from this losing battle, thinking that as long as he is staying you win. In reality you are shortchanging yourself when there are available men better suited for yourself. Having the same goals in life is important.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (23 January 2013):
 in my opinion some people just aren't meant to marry and your bf finally realized he's one of these people. you either need to accept this or break up with him.
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