A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've just recently gotten out of an abusive relationship. Therefore, I'm very sensitive about people's intentions. I recently met someone, and he seems very nice, but there are two red flags I want to address: After our first date he's wanted to see me every day, and I am not comfortable with that. Shouldn't dates be only once a week in the beginning, or something to that effect? Secondly, he asks me to call when I get home to ensure I've arrived safely, does that count as being checked on? I know the red flags of abusers but I'm afraid I'm being overly sensitive, and I do like this guy. But the last thing I need is another abuser. what should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the original poster. Thanks for everybody's advice. I told him I want to take it slow and not be called too much, and it seemed to go over well.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
Good for you for being concered. That's good, it means that you're less likely to fall into another trap.
This guy does sound like he;s moving a bit too fast. The phone call to make sure you arrive safely seems okay. But to see you every day does seem a bit clingy. Tell him that you'd like to take it slow because you want to make sure you know how you feel. Also instead of calling when you get home, text him. Take it nice and slow and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If he becomes aggresssive or agitated in any way at all, move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): You have a right to be concerned, because you don't want to go back to being in an abusive relationship. I think that this guy might really be into you and may have too much free time, which can be why he wants to see you every day. Checking up on you when you get home may make him feel better to know you arrived safely. But overall this guy seems very clingy, which could turn into abusive traits. But just see how it goes and if you feel comfortable talking with him about your past relationship, let him know how you feel and that you just want to take things slow. Above all, trust your own instincts and if you gut is telling you this guy is bad news, then stay away from him. You are a very strong and brave person. You are also very wise to be cautious and aware of what is going on. Take care!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): well, I do believe that in the begining you should go slow and take time to get to know one another. Seeing each other every day is okay if that is what you both want. I think that maybe you should tell him "ive been in a bad relationship and i want to take this slow".. I don't think that asking you to call when you get home is checking up on you ... he may genuinly care for you.
I think you are on the right track to rediscovering who you are and how to be safe. So, with that being said ... congratulaitons on being smart enough to look out for your self. but remember that not all men are bad. It is very rare that someone comes out of a bad situation and still has the capability to look at the whole situation.
GOOD FOR YOU! and GOOD LUCK!
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