A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has double standards. We're in an LDR (it's relatively new - coming up to 3 months) and whenever he's horny, I will send him a picture sometimes, not every time and the pics are not fully nude, but something sexy and I have sent a sexy video before too. (Now, I don't mind it, my face is not in any picture, the pictures are close up shots so nobody could ever identify it's me)I do know the risks of bad breakups and pictures being leaked but truthfully I'm not concerned because I will never put my face in the picture or video. I do like sending him a video or a picture SOMETIMES because I know that turns him on but I was very hesitant to begin with when he asked me, and I rather him use a pic/video of me instead of looking at magazines or porn. He has sent me pictures before too, in total he has sent me 4 of his penis and 1 of his abs and I have sent him about 6 pictures of different assets, plus one video.He asked me to do another video and I don't mind doing one, but I asked for a video back and he's finding it really weird. He said it's not as common for a guy to take a video of himself jerking off as it is for a girl to take a sexy video of herself, but I said I'd like it because that would turn me on but he said he's uncomfortable with it.But I wasn't fully comfortable with it at first, I like doing it because it turns him on, which then makes me alright with it. And I remember telling him I wasn't comfortable with it and I felt a little pressured at first but I am gradually becoming okay with it.So I spoke to him about the video, I mean there's only so many pictures a guy can take of his penis, there isn't really anything sexy he can take other than showing his abs or his private part. So when I asked for a video of him wanking off, he said he's uncomfortable with it and that he's not going to do it, and I mentioned that it is unfair of him to ask for videos if he is not willing to send one back, I'm not asking for loads. Just one!He said if it makes it fair, I don't have to send him the video that he asked for but he said he will not be videoing himself because he just does not want to do it, and it makes me feel like crap because I took the pics/vid knowing that it would turn him and and he would like it, so I did it FOR him, yet he isn't willing to do it for me, and he is very stubborn so I know that I won't be getting one, he has made it clear to me.But now I don't know if I should carry on sending pictures/videos, I mean I don't *really* mind doing it, cause it makes me feel like he wants me, and he likes it, and it's nice to know he's admiring my body, but at the same time, if I'm not getting anything back, how is it FAIR?I'm a very big believer of equality, I believe everything should be equal in every single sense. Not just with sexy pictures but paying on dates, etc, and I have explained this but I don't think it's getting through to him and I want to make this work! This is my first relationship as well. I don't want to feel like I'm losing him, and I mentioned that if I stop sending videos and pictures, I don't want him to get pictures or videos sent to him from any other girls (as this would be cheating) and he told me "As long as I am in a relationship with you, I will not be getting pictures and videos from any other girls, as long as I'm with you, it will stay like this" - which does make me feel good, but I'm stuck, because secretly I still want to send him that video, but it's a case where I won't be getting one back. So i'm in two minds.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (12 March 2013):
Sending explicit photos to a LDR after only three months would be filed under "Bad Decisions."
Dont do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): please tell me that you know this guy, you have actually met each other in person? please tell me this is not some guy you "hooked up with" on the internet and you are calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend....
with that said...it's not a fair thing...it reads as though he is simply not comfortable performing for you. Most guys are up for watching porn, because who's doing all the performing for shock value and the over-dramatic noise? It's certainly not the guys...so when it comes down to it, most guys probably couldn't follow through lol.
Regardless, all this sex stuff being sent around is really very careless and irresponsible on your part (both your parts)....it doesn't matter if your face is in it or not...
I'm not quite sure where you learned what you are doing is going to keep your relationship going...all that is going on right now is fantasy, not a whole lot of reality...obviously you can't be together all the time and sexual intimacy is very important in a relationship (live in person contact, not cyber sex), but so is friendship, learning about each other, sharing ups and downs, talking about hopes and dreams for the future...
Maybe it's time to calm down all the pictures and videos...he's apparently going along to a point. If you keep pressing for this to continue, he's going to walk away.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 March 2013):
 I would not send him any more 'sexy videos" or pictures... it can really backfire on you
I would not ask him for more either as that's not something he wants to do or is comfortable with. Perhaps because he knows that your stuff can end up all over the internet... one bad fight or breakup and poof...your bits are all over the internet... and yeah even if you can't "prove" they are you... he can say it... and then everyone will believe it.
I assume that you two have not met yet in real life.... why else the need for photos of your "naughty bits" if you have seen them IRL.
Especially never send "dirty pics" of yourself to a man you have never met IRL.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2013):
 If he isn't comfortable with it, don't try and "make" him do it. Just like if there is something YOU aren't comfortable with then YOU shouldn't feel pressured to do it.
As for the sexy photos and videos, thread carefully. Face or no face on it doesn't really make it any safer.
Respect that he isn't willing to make you one right now. Who knows maybe he will be down the line, maybe not. But you HAVE to have respect for your partner's wishes.
However, I wouldn't send him any more videos either.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 March 2013):
 to be honest, i think you're pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable. and i don't think that's fair of you.
think about it if the roles were reversed. how would you feel if he kept pushing you for something you didn't feel comfortable doing. respect his boundries. everyone has different boundries and that's okay. just because it makes him uncomfortable to send a video doesn't mean he cares about you any less. or that he doesn't want to please you sexually. it just means he's insecure. and the more you push, the more he may get upset and pissed. and i wouldn't really blame him.
if i were you, and i enjoyed making videos for him and he enjoyed watching them, i'd just keep on doing it. why not? you're both happy and comfortable.
just stop pushing him. it's a little unfair on your part. and holding it over his head that you'll stop sending him videos is kind of manipulative.
anyway, good luck. think it over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Oh I see, this your first relationship. OP just an FYI, you don't need to show your face to be identified all someone has to do is grab one of your normal pics and put it beside it if they want to upload your stuff onto an ex-girlfriend revenge site. Or just send them to your family or work saying it's you. I'm just saying not showing your face is not a safety feature. There's a new genre now of putting those photos next to their facebook account in pictures too.
Trust me OP, no one is going to believe it's not you if that gets done.
As for fairness, that's up to you OP. Relationships are never 100% fair 100% of the time.
If you want a one for one deal then stick to that. If he's going to dump you because you refuse to send one then I wouldn't even call that a boyfriend.
In the same sense you say you want to send it anyway then is fairness more important than sending him one, making him feel good and you feel good for doing that?
I mean are going to go strictly one for one when it comes to head too and count each time you give and how much he owes you? All things to consider OP.
My advice though is to just cut to the chase and start doing cyber together over skype. That way you're both enjoying each other in real time and can both record each other at the same time. You will have to be careful with that though, I don't care how many mother's lives he swears he won't he will be recording it. You only need to type 'webcam/skype/omegle teen' into any porn site to see those vids are the most popular.
Other than that your choice is simple, principle of fairness or submission to his will.
I would never send a vid of myself masturbating, to anyone I just skype with my fiancée if she's gone on a trip.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim 20 btw, 21 in a few months and he is 22 in a few months
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