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female
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*ena05
writes: I was in a relationship for four years. Last month my fiance broke ur relationship. I dont' know what to do. We have being argueing for the past years and a half. We kept telling each other that we were going to change and we never did. However, this time he is serious and I don't know what to do. I love him and he say's that he love me to but we can never be together. He said that i'm always contradicting him, that I tell him what to do, and that he feels that I'm always checking on him. First of all i'm 22 and his 24. For the past eight months he has not had a stable job. We bought a house a year ago and I feel that it's my duty to tell him how he should spend the little money that he has. I'm coming up will al the mortgage money, cars, insurance, utilities. Last month he got laid off from his 3 week job and he decided to take his sister to North Carolina. I wasn't able to go because I had to work. When he came back from North Carolina I got a new phone from my job so I gave him my old cell phone. I had an account online for the past year so one day I decided to go throught the phone bill and I kept seeing calls made to North Carolina. I confronted him and he said that he was talking to his sister husband nephew. It's being one months and a week and i keep checking his phone bill and he keeps talking to the person for hours. Just to let you know his a very quiet person, he never talked for over 15 minutes. Know he talks for 122 minutes, 87 minutes, 100 minutes. Who is he talking to? DO you thing it's another person?? I confronted him and asked him to tell me who he was talking to. he said the same thing. his sister's husband nephew. I don't know what to do. After he broke up our relationship he said that he didn't want to talk to me about our relationship. The onely reason that I could call him was if I had a question about our house since we are renting three rooms. I keep going back to the house to ask him to forgive me and he says it's over and that he don't want to see me anymore. I still love him I have done too much for him to let go. Just las week I found out that he was 3 months behind on his truck, 2 months on insurance and three credit cars. I thought that he was only upset with me for a few days so Paid for his truck,insurance,credit car, mortgage and he didn't even't say thank you. I feel know that i'm being used. We came to an agreement that we would spit half of the mortgage and he would pay utilities. However, right know he doesn't have a job so he doesn't have money to pay his halft next month. I Don't know what to do. I tried to explain to him that we should work things out and get back together but he is very very stubborn. What should I do. Do you think he has someone else in NOrth Carolina. IS there a chance that if we stop seen each other we will get back together. I dont' know what to do??
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female
reader, Lillyspade +, writes (20 October 2006):
 You dont really have to ask th question of wether or not he is seen someone else,, why dont you try to remember the time when you and he started to see each other and ask yourself how much time you guys spent talking on the phone when you first started getting to know each other?? Is this pattern the same as what is going on now? You have had the phone bill/number and have not yet called the number yourself to confirm or rebute your suspicions? Why? I totaly beleive that you already know what is going on but refuse to accept it therefor you tried to get him back by buying him, by that I mean that you went ahead and paid for his truck, insurance and credit cards thinking he was going to be so grateful to you and come back, A person that comes back because of those reasons will only be there for what you can give them. I really suggest that you begin to let him go so that your heart can start mending. You also mentioned that you two purchased a house together for which you are paying everything, this is also something that you need to settle soon. Especially since it seems so difficult for him to help with half of the expenses, its not fair to you to end up with half of what you are paying for. In the end you are still young and with all the caring qualities that you exhibit you are sure to attract the perfect guy for you. Just don't lose yourself trying to get back what is no longer there. Good luck
A
male
reader, jack23 +, writes (20 October 2006):
 I think the best thing you can do is just leave him to it and move on. It would appear that hes got you right where he wants you, he knows you would do anything for him, and he is using that to his advantage.
The best thing to do is to just walk away and leave him to it, then maybe he will realise how much you did for him and how much he needs you. Dont pay anymore of his bills, he has chosen to have things this way so he now must sort himself out.
I now you feel that you love him, and this is going to be a hard move to make, I would suggest spending more time on yourself and with friends, keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. This will help you to get on, and I'm sure that you can find someone who is much more of a gentleman and will not take advantage of you.
I suspect that within a short period of you leaving him he will be contacting you, but even at this point I would say dont let him get near you again, you can do so much better than him.
I hope this helps :)
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