A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my partner 3 and a half years. Whilst i met his family quite early on, other than a handful of occasions i havent socialised with his friends. When i questioned him about this he is told me that the partners of his friends still see his ex frequently and this makes him uncomfortable so he usually only goes out when its just the men or we go out if its a special occasion. I have never seen her out.. The ex did cause problems in our relationship initially turning up at his home and texting/ringing a lot. However this stopped after about 6 months of us seeing each other as he told her to stay away and blocked all form of contact so 3 years later and theres been no issues with her but heres the thing his friends spend way more time with her than me and recently his best friend got engaged and he's best man, his best friend's fiance invited me on a 3 day long hen do and i felt like i couldnt go because the ex was going. Theres often photos on social media of the friendship group including the ex and whilst i appreciate that my boyfriend doesnt go to these group things i cant help but feel really sad that im unable to be part of such an important aspect of his life. To note this ex has a new parter but does not associate him with the group and the ex continues to make inappropriate comments to others such as how she and my partner will end up together etc.Is there anything i can do to resolve this situation?
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (27 October 2016):
 Sweetie I could understand you avoiding events if you where only just together, but this is three years later now and you should not allow her to control your life. I understand your boyfriend just wants to keep the peace, but his best friends missus did try and include you but you declined therefore they will see you being the one with an issue. The best thing you can do is treat his ex like anybody else. Be polite and say hello and leave it at that. Be the better person and mingle more. If you and him are going to be an item then this transition needs to happen so he can be with his friends again on outings with you as well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): This woman is still controlling your lives. You BOTH need to agree a strategy and publicly call her on any comments she makes. Emphasis on publicly. Why is she getting away with this? She keeps her new partner out of the group? She is manipulative. By staying in the shadows you are letting her do this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 October 2016):
 I would start showing up WITH your partner. Either she will start to back off or at least respect that he is with someone new.
I can't believe you LET her "scare" you out of going to HIS best friend's fiance's hen do. I would have gone. And if SHE felt uncomfortable, tough. If I felt uncomfortable I wouldn't show it.
While these ARE still HER friends too, I'd work on making them yours as well. You are all GROWN UPS. Act like it. Don't let HER dictate whom you can befriend or not.
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