A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedIndividual
writes:I am 17.. i dont have anyone i can really talk to and i know this post is long but PLEASE read it and give me some advice..first I'll start off with, i am going off to university next year and i know many people have told me "oh just be single and have fun, blah blah blah". but i am dating this amazing guy, J we'll call him, we have been dating for a year and a half, he goes to my current school, but only in grade 11, me in grade 12. and he is easy going, compassionate, selfless, jelous, cute, sensitive, my "first" and knows everything about me.then there is B, an ex boyfriend who i met 2 years ago at my old school, he is my age, graduating this year aswell as me. he moved away so we stoped dating, now let me tell you I WAS OBSESSED! i was a very shy girl and was 15 when i met him, so quite "Green" to love. he was the first boy i had ever kissed, even though we only dated for 3 weeks it was one of the best 3 weeks of my life, we had been great friends before that for about 5 monthes aswell, he is a charming, handsom, a bit of a flirt, but he was so amazing and attractive totally, and he knows everyhting about me.so when he moved away i was devastated, we didn't talk for a while and i moved on and transfered to a new school, so i soon met J and fell in love, well then i started talking to B again and soon fell back in love with him, which caused problems with me and J because i was stressed.. and then a few weeks ago i went down to the city which is where he moved to and saw him after about 2 years, it was great, we didnt kiss or anything, all we did was hold hands... well me and J were on a break, i told J as soon as i got back, he was hurt but gave me a second chance..well i love them both, and where i am going to university i will be closer to B than J and J will still be in school while B wont, and B will have his license....i am so confuzed and a nervous reck, even though things are good with me and J now, i know things are still wrong behind the scenes, because my friend and I are going to see a concert that B is going too as well.. well we text and if i see him i dont know what will happen.Well i know J would be a great parent, or husband.. but i am only 17, i need to have fun. but ive tried not talking to both of them and it just makes it worse, i cry all the time, and it just gets messy.. i dont want't to hurt any of them, i dont wanna "play games" with J.. i just am in a tizzy.What do u think i should do?sincerely,MissTwoFaced (confused individual)
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female
reader, ConfusedIndividual +, writes (7 January 2012):
ConfusedIndividual is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys, i really understand where you are coming from, and i really apreciate taking your time and helping me with my delema.
I am not talking much to B anymore, because i am trying to focus on J before i have to to away to university.
I am thinking at the moment that maybe it would be good to go to university and be single and be away from J, and maybe, if the time is right, i could finially commit myself entirely to J.
Love you all, thank you again
ConfusedIndividual 3
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Frankly I think you just don't like to work without a net.
J is a good guy and a good bf and even a potential good husband, the only problem with him... is that you don't like him THAT much ,if you feel the need to sneak behind his back to go hold hands with B.
B sounds like he appeals you more, and he would be more conveniently located... but you don't know if he'd be game for a steady relationship with you , or, in case he were, if he'd treat you as well, and he'd have the same " potential " , as J .
This is about security, not about love. You fear that if you make the wrong move , you'll find yourself with the short end of the stick. Maybe ( the horror ! ) even single and boyfriendless at 17.
I think that , if you can't choose between two men, is because you don't really love either, or neither is really the right choice for you. Otherwise, there would be no space for doubt.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 You love them both but neither enough to say, 'this guy is the one!' You're with J but admit that a guy who can drive and lives closer to you will be enough to make you.... what? Hold hands?
Look, you're a nervous wreck because you are feeling trapped in a relationship that isn't going to last. You are so concerned with not hurting any one's feelings that you are becoming dishonest. You're making secret plans to meet up with B behind J's back.
Imagine that J was treating you this way. How would you feel? How would you want to be treated?
Just be honest. "J, you're a great guy and I'm crazy about you but my life is about to change and I honestly don't know if this great thing we have is going to last. I guess I just can't make too many promises right now."
I think taking a month's break for some time to think may give you some perspective on this. It's not being single forever, it's just enough time to figure out if J is really the right guy for you. If you are wanting to spend time with B, who captured your interest so long ago, maybe you're missing something in your relationship with J.
I'd encourage J to date other girls on the break, too, so you won't feel guilty.
Good luck!
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