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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Okay this seems like a REALLY weird question, but...here goes.So I am really not into like, kissing or any of that stuff. I have thought about sex and come to the conclusion that I would like to remain a virgin and not ever have sex, for personal reasons I will not go into. The one affectionate gesture that I am really comfortable with is hugs. I looooooooooooooooove hugs... :) Weird I know, but anyways. So I am just wondering, do any men out there even exist who will could love someone who will not give them sex and probably only kiss them on occasion? Are there any men who can settle with hugs? Or will I be searching for the rest of my life? This question may be a little confusing so I will clarify: I am not looking for someone to read this question, contact me, and like, go out or something. I am just asking if guys like this exist.Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I don't want to sound like I'm not taking you seriously, but you are only 12. As you get older, I'm almost certain you'll want to. It's a growing up thing.
However you could do what come people do - stay a virgin until they get married; therefore symbolizing that they waited their whole life for it - with the man they've vowed to spend the rest of their life with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I looooooooove huges to there is just something about them except most of the people i know think im weard for giving them too enthusiastic of huggs except my 21 year old sister.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): You will very likely want to have sex later on. Most women's sex drive is still increasing in their 20s and even well into their 30s.
There are girls who still don't want sex much at 19 or 20, and then they're horny nymphos by the time they're 26.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Honey you're still dead young so your hormones probably haven't really kicked in yet, don't worry! If you don't want sex particularly even when you have hit puberty, then I'm sure there are guys out there. But at your current age, definitely don't have sex with anyone! You shouldn't be worried about these things right now, your whole life is ahead of you and I'm sure you'll find your feelings will change. But even if they don't, there are some lovely guys out there. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to!
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A
female
reader, sarahisgreat123  +, writes (13 May 2008):
Ok, so I am 15 and I totally know how you feel... Lol a couple years ago I told my mom that I would not have sex untill 10 years after I was married! However since then my hormones have made me more attracted to men... Frankly that young I don't understand how you can be attracted to men... I have heard of people who had sex at 12 and I am amazed because at 12 I had no ATTRACTION to guys... only that I giggled and flirted.
Since then the idea of sex seems more attractive but to be honest I still don't feel ready for that yet! Partly because I am not totally comfortable with own body yet and not ready to let a boy explore it! I had a boyfriends last year though and we never went below the waist if you know what I mean. But I can tell you that kissing is a LOT of fun and you can do it for hours without getting bored!
I totally know what you mean about hugs though! I love the feeling of have a boy (especially a bigger one) wrapped around me and I can feel his body and I feel protected.
In conclusion, let yourself grow up a little and you will probably become more into the idea of sex. After all, our bodies are programmed to have sex because we have to reproduce to keep the species alive! It's like it is in our system to eat when we are hungry so we don't starve!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Hi,
At your age hugs and kisses are what it's all about, though I do remember the hand would wander ( so you may have to slap their hands away on occasion )
You dont have to worry about sex for a long time - you will most likely change your mind when those hormones start to rage a bit more ( or if it is something that has happened to you , arrange to see a doctor)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Sweetie, you are stil sooo young. you dont need to be troubling your mind with things like sex and the pressure of sex today. you will have all your life to be thinking, worrying, pondering and actually having sex when you're older. when the time is rite, you probably will..
maybe you should occupy your time now with other fun things, things girls your age have fun doing. like parties, school activities, friends, hobbies, etc. you dont need to grow up so fast. enjoy your youth while you still have it. u'll miss it when its passed you by.
im twice your age and i know for a fact that not all men just want you for sex. and for the few that you may meet that do want you for that...they're with you for the wrong reason. you shouldnt waste your time on guys like that anyway. someone will wana be with you for YOU, and give u all the hugs you need.
but u'll have alot of time to find these things out urself. later when the time is rite. if i cud go back to when i was your age, id still wana enjoy the crushes, sleepovers, and girly gossip. im too old for that now. good luck sweetie..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Yes of course. I don't have a boyfriend, but I get lots of hugs. From men, women, and friends.
If you want a hug, from anyone at all, just ask them. Most people don't mind. If you don't like kissing and sex that's fine too. You don't have to have sex with anyone, if you don't want to.
Just be very honest and tell people that you want hugs, not kisses or sex, and if anyone tries to force sex or kisses on you, then kick them and run away as fast as you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): This is a message from the original poster:
Thank you so much for your answer, LonelyTwo! It is much appreciated.
I know that most 12-13 year old boys do not really want sex because, well, they're just not there yet but it is nice to know that as I get older there will still be people who can appreciate me for who I am and respect that I just don't want to go there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): At your age, yes! When they hit there late teens and early twenties, because of all the media coverage; friends etc., they will want to experience it. Sex becomes less a factor when communication is good, you have activities that take up much of your time, and that you meet other needs of each other.
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A
female
reader, redsox07 +, writes (13 May 2008):
I highly highly doubt it. Then again, you exist and so maybe there is another person who shares your point of view
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Only in the priesthood. Though come to think of it there are plenty of priests who won't settle for non-sexual relationships... Nope, no such male exists. They may start out with promises that they're fine with no more than hugs and kisses, but give them enough time and every single last one of them will either dump you on cheat on you if you don't have sex with them.
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A
male
reader, bigcityboy +, writes (13 May 2008):
This is not weird. You are 12. Vaginal sex isn't something that society expects you to pick up at the age of 12. If people do not respect your choice, and call you names for it, remind them what they'll be called in four years or less: "baby-momma."
So, more power to you.
Yes, there are absolutely boys your age and older who will love you -- romantically -- without sex and only occasionally kissing.
As you get older, this will probably change, but so will you. You don't have to make your decision to embrace abstinence permanent, but you will absolutely have support from many corners of society for making it and upholding it so long as you choose to do so.
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