A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedlover
writes:Hello again. I know that I've got a lot of support from everyone here. But I wanted to know if there were anyother girls in my situation. Someone to talk to. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. We just decided to take a break because he's confused and scared to commit to me right now. He says he needs to find himself. But I love him so much. I recently found out that he's been dating another girl from a different province. He'd been lying to me saying that he was going for business. Too many things were suspicious. So now were friends. Things have been fine so far but I still have feelings for him. Now that were only friends he confessed to me all the dirty secrets that he's been doing behind my back for the last two years. Still when we hang out he'll just stop to answer her call then walk away for a bit. He says he just needs to try something new and get things out of his system. I love him so I'm willing to accept that he needs time. He says to have hope for us in the future, he says he still loves me and is willing to be there for me for whatever I need. I love him so much. Call me crazy but I do. Are there any girls in my situation who love their ex and are willing to do so much for them even while they're broken up? Any advice to help our friendship grow and not the jelousy?
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female
reader, elsie  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 plwase wake up and smell the coffee.its embarrassin to read how much this guy is taking the pee out of you let alone being in it.the reply from tygersdream was fantastic read it and read it again.
A
female
reader, loveandlust +, writes (13 March 2007):
 hey hun.me and my boyfriend were together for just over two years and ther was no reason for us to split bar he needed time to no wetha he could commit to me fully.we have been split for bout 5 months now and he stil texts,calls and meets me like we are together and ive found out hes now seeing somebody else it hurts like hell cos i love him so much but i know no matter what i say ive got to let him grow and spread his wings...and if it was true love which i know it was he will come back to me a stronger man and so will your bf hun,just give him space and time and he wil thank you for it. be ther for him as a friend! x x x
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A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (13 March 2007):
 Hello. I've been with my boyfriend now for just over a year. When we first got together he still loved his ex girlfriend, BUT NEVER TOLD ME THIS) anyway as months passed he was txting he and asking her to get back with him. He was telling me that he needed time to get his head sorted and that he loved me. Another words if she would take him back i would loose him and if she didn’t he would come back to me. It really hurt as by this time i had found out that he had cheated with other girls and still txting his ex. I told him to hit the road. I told him i didn’t want to be his mate and that if he doesn’t want me as his girlfriend and leave his ex behind him he could forget about any contact with me at all. (YOU CANT BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX) Anyway when i told him this, a couple of weeks later he'd stopped the txts and he's the most perfect boyfriend ever now. If you let them walk all over you, they will treat you however way they want. Make him think he's going to loose you all together, then he will think s**** what have i done and you can live happily ever after. If he doesn’t them you truly need to let him be and move on. Take Care Bailey J
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Sorry but i think you should move on. You were with him for two years and he was cheating on you, get real! He will continue to do that if you two get back together again. Just walk away, he isn't the one for you. No matter how painful all this must feel right now, you will survive and go on to bigger and better things. There are better days ahead and they have to be without him. Don't hang around for him to FIND HIMSELF! That is a classic one with blokes, meaning they want to have their cake and eat it. You find out all these things after you have split, what would of happened if you hadn't split. Go on to be with someone living a double life. He will never change, you must do that. Run like hell!!!!!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 There's no happiness or friendship to be found here except longing and wishful thinking.
It's not fair on you either that he confesses how he cheated on you with the other girl, I don't know HOW that's called friendship or even RESPECT.
I've done the same thing as you have, My first love dumped me, had another girlfriend, 'Cindy', promised me she was temporary and that he'd be there for me and that we were forever.. When I asked WHY we were forever when he was going out with another girl, he said he WANTED CIndy, but NEEDED me. I was the Robin to his Batman (We were YOUNG, ok?), I was the burger and she was the pizza (NO JOKE, STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH)
Until he tired of Cindy, he asked me to be patient because he always needed me to be his rock, his centre of gravity. *STICK FINGER DOWN THROAT BLECHHHH!!!*
Eventually he had to move away, he promised me that his relationship with Cindy was going to end by then and that we would have a long-distance relationship.
HOW WRONG and how STUPID I WAS!
I came upon him one day looking sad and depressed, when I asked him what was wrong, he said that he had asked HER for a long-distance relationship and she REFUSED.
What I wouldn't have given for such guts and brassiness as that Cindy had!!!
Don't fool yourself into thinking that it's ok, you love him, because he certainly doesn't love you or doesn't have the decency and respect for you to give you what you deserve.
Ask yourself what a friend really means - does betrayal come on that list? Being taken for granted? Being led on?
The equivalent of his treatment of you is just like giving you a plate of horse manure to eat and you smiling as you chew on it. AND THEN ASKING FOR MORE.
For don't be fooled, he's stabbed you in the back, and he's continuing to abuse you by leading you on by the leash.
And he hasn't even frigging apologized!!!!!!!!
That's friggin' audacity that deserves a "HOW DARE YOU?!", a tight slap and a pointy boot out the door. (figuratively speaking, of course)
However you do it, You have to tell him who YOU are. You're NOT somebody to be taken for granted, you're NOT going to wait around for him to get SOMETHING out of his system - what was your relationship like to him anyway? Smoking crack? Bad fish curry? "HOW DARE HE!!!!" You're NOT his DOORMAT that he can come home to when nobody else wants him!
I'm sorry, babes, but you have to break off your 'friendship' with him. He's just making you dependent on him, and he loves that power. Tell him you need YOUR SPACE, and you need to get HIM out of your system. His friend on a leash system is just too suffocating for you, and you want to be left alone. Thank you, please don't come around here again.
You can cry yourself to sleep afterwards and for every time you are reminded of him, but don't you DARE call him up to apologize for breaking things off with him and don't you DARE check your phone every fifteen minutes to see if he's called up to ask for your forgiveness on bended knee cuz it ain't gonna happen. Or if it DOES, you can have the satisfaction of closing the door on him.
The next step is MOVING ON, http://teenadvice.about.com/cs/breakingup/a/breakuphelper.htm
Get on with your life, but don't have a boyfriend after this, because he's just going to be the rebound boyfriend, and you don't need another person crowding your space when you don't know WHAT you want out of a relationship yet.
I know this is all easier said than done, I've BEEN there, and I didn't believe anything ANYBODY was telling me either, but I hope that you are smarter and stronger than I was.
Good luck and I wish you all the best.
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