A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi all! i'm in a bit of a situation. I am a straight woman and have recently gotten even closer to my gay best friend. We hang out all the time, can talk about everything and anything, and when i sleep at his house (sometimes 3-4 times a week) we spoon and cuddle, and we even made out once when a bit tipsy, which he remembered after and said he enjoyed. He has also told me that he is in love with me and could see himself marrying me while we were drunk. Lately we have been talking alot about bisexuality, and the other day i came out and told him that i am attracted to him and that its really hard for me to deal with sometimes, and he admitted that he is also attracted to me, and sometimes to women in general, but that he is still attracted to guys. He said he thinks he is bisexual but is scared of what that means. All of this was said with minimal awkwardness and I felt glad it was out in the open. But since then we have just gone back to normal and haven't talked about it since. I know that the woman in love with her gay best friend is a cliche, but he has told me that he loves me and is attracted to me as well. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do from here without pressuring him into coming out with a new sexuality, but also without giving up the chance of what could be such a wonderful relationship built on the closeness we already share. If anyone has experience with this, especially bi guys who initially came out as straight, I'd love to know what you think!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): I know you're asking for feedback from Bi guys but I just felt I should give you a little insight from a woman's perspective. I too had a male gay best friend. We became instant best friends from the moment we set eyes on each other. I was going to college and he was working full time in a nearby town. We'd spend any free time we had together. Lots of cuddling and kissing. We both felt safe to express our deepest feelings. Many "I love you's" and "You are forever embedded in my heart's" were exchanged. We we're just very comfortable together and no sexual tension. He even took me home several times to spend weekends and holidays with his parents and his grandmother. Over the span of about 4 months he appeared to become more attracted to me in more than just a best friend kind of way. This was really odd I thought as he had always known he was gay since he was a little boy. He had also once told me a girl that had made moves on him sent him running the other way. So I really did not take any of his comments about his growing attraction towards me very seriously. However he was becoming outwardly more possesive when we went out and the kissing became more intense. Still my thinking was he's gay and I'm a girl so he's not really sexually attracted to me. We're just connecting on a different plane altogether and we're just kissing for fun. Really thought our relationship was beyound sexual and more like soulmates. Eventually though the kissing progressed towards a full sexual relationship that lasted about 6 months. During this whole time life was wonderful. He couldn't live without me. I couldn't live without him. Then Bam! Out of the blue, he tells me he's got a new boyfriend. Not realizing I had completely fallen in love with him, I convinced myself that his relationship with another guy was OK with me because he's gay, right? I'm still the best friend and his relationship with me is different. We're kindred spirits. Apparently he could only manage one relationship at a time and I lost. He never called me once he starting seeing him. He not only moved in with his new boyfriend but he started hanging out with an old group of friends who had repeated taken advantage of him in the past. I was officially at the bottom of the totem pole. Why would he be so indifferent towards me? I had a hard time letting go. Thinking it was just a phase he was going thru. I sat it out. Called him a bit but still no phone calls that were initiated by him. At one point I even begged him to just tell me to go away so I would stop deluding myself. He wouldn't do it. I suppose he just didn't have the balls to hurt my feelings directly. Eventually I got the courage to run away( I moved and didn't tell him). I covered my tracks so he would not be able to find me. I didn't want to know that he possibly had a way of finding me and he still chose not to call me. I would have been too painful to know he could still get a hold of me and he wasn't. I never saw him again. I think I probably grieved for about 2 years over him. That's how connected I thought we were. That was more than 15 years ago. I just recently found out he had passed away 5 years ago. Even though I've been married now for 10 years, all the old pain from 15 years ago has resurfaced. I still wonder what went wrong. Did he ever really care about us about me? Did he ever realize how he tore my heart? Did he ever realize I was gone? So my reason for telling you this is for you to really consider whether you want to risk losing your best friend by changing the dymanics of your relationship. Just really consider the risks. I NEVER could have predicted our relationship would end as it did. Just as you can't know either until its all said and done.
A
male
reader, aim  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 hi person.
I am bi. i'd like to share something on being bi. Bisexuality does not necessarily mean liking both sides equally. sometimes preference to men is more dominant than liking women (such is my case). But some mainly like women but also like men on the minority. Again, its not a 50-50 deal. sometimes 60-40, whatever percent. haha.
I understand what you are going through because i majorly like guys but i also liked my best friend before. We had a 'thing' goin on before and must say we loved each other up until now that we are not really in a relationship (still bestfriends though).
You said that he was scared of what being bi was right? Tell him its just the same as being gay. You'd be someone different from the normal bunch but really, would be accepted by your friends. though it might seem confusing because you look both ways, you just dont have to really focus on that. just let the flow of things take you and fall in love to whoever he/she is. ü
i must say being bi is weirdly cool since whether he/she be a man or a woman,, you are able to explore your feelings more since you can fall in love on both genders.
I agree with unlechris that it does not matter if he is gay or bi, as long as he feels the same love you do with him. You should try and work things out.
-hug ü
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A
male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (23 October 2007):
 hey hun
i believe no matter what the sexuality ,if you feel right together and are both willing to commit to each other then you should have a relationship
i think it doesnt matter if he is gay or bi sexual
aslong as you love each other :)
love and light
chris x
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