A
male
age
41-50,
*E125
writes:I admit this question is more of a curiosity than anything, but I ask because I've heard it a lot lately from my female coworkers and friends. They say things like, I'm old (49) or I look old, or my personal favorite, "one advantage of working in a dark lit environment is that people don't see how old I look." My female friends who say this are mid 40's to mid 50's, and I notice most all of them have said some form of this but it seems to be more often lately that they say these things to me. Honestly, most of my female friends do not look old at all, even though they say it. Is this a way for a lady to fish for compliments due to maybe having insecurity or low self esteem? How should a friend respond when they say these things? Thanks!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 February 2019):
 "old people are interesting and have ancient wisdom to offer"
Don't say that! I'd feel like an exhibit at a museum if someone told me that, haha!
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 February 2019):
Yes, it's fishing for compliments. Unless they are on the autism spectrum or schizoid, in which case they are just stating the obvious.
How to handle it? If they are Fishing for compliments, you can tell them "no, you look like you are in your mid 30's! I would never have guessed your age!"
If they are just stating the obvious, no reply is necessary.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2019): “Just 'cause there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's not a fire inside.“
That’s my favourite reply when a friend says they feel old..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2019): Yes it is a sign of insecurity and fear of ageing. We do get these feelings as we grow older and start noticing creases in our face and body which wasnt there only yesterday. It is really a terrible feeling. Your response should be gentlemanly and polite like WiseAwlE suggested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2019): As we get older part of coping with aging is making fun of ourselves. It's just having fun; and you being the only male present, it is also hoping you'll jump in and say something complimentary. And yes! They are in-fact fishing for compliments. An "awe, that's not true!" is sufficient.
They might want an objective male-opinion; but they're approaching it with humor. Sometimes they're just getting a kick out of making the only guy in the room squirm.
Take it with a grain of salt. Everyone with a healthy self-image makes fun of themselves; and there aren't always dark elements behind the humor.
Part of taking the potency out of poison is by diluting it.
Women have found a way to deal with our ageist-sexist youth-oriented society by saying it out-loud. Going in-your-face about beauty-standards; by introducing us males to the realities of time and nature. They got your attention.
They're calling-out our misogynistic-ways with subtlety and a little snark. The good-old-boy privileged white-male society has always taught middle-aged or aging-women they are second-rate and replaceable. They become invisible and unattractive with time. Time is their mortal-enemy. Fighting gravity and weight-gain with all their being. If they can't stay tight, peppy, and smooth they're no longer desirable.
So it's also in protest.
They grow-older gracefully by admitting it out-loud and making fun of it; at the same time introducing you to the fact, and reshaping your attitude about it. Only in your case, maybe you don't require as much education; because you don't have that kind of attitude towards older-women. They neither want nor need your pity.
It is a rite of passage for all of us. We guys do the same thing. You're taking it seriously, because it's really an inappropriate topic in the workplace. It's best to let them have their fun; as you stay neutral and don't participate. You might say the wrong thing, and it's a very touchy subject in the workplace anyway.
It's not always low self-esteem, my friend. It's coming to terms with age with grace and humor. While giving us men a jab! Unfortunately, sometimes it is exactly what it looks like. They're feeling down, and comforting each other buy letting each other know they all know what it's like. Women know how to lift each other emotionally. It's something in them that makes them special.
Aren't you glad they're taking a big role in reshaping our country and its politics? I know I am!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 February 2019):
 Could be their sense of humor.
Most people who OFTEN make derogative statements about their looks might BE looking for a compliment, a cheer me up, PLEASE, not necessarily because they are insecure. They might however have a day where they woke up and wasn't happy with what they saw in the mirror. I think many people who are getting older do that.
I would just say something nice. It's FREE and it might give someone a good day.. WHO cares if they WERE/ARE insecure?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2019): A friend could respond with, old is only in the mind and the more you 'think'old, the quicker this will become your reality, your cells change their vibration and your biological rhythm changes and then eventually slows down until it stops, so think young and stop running to old age.Or a friend could say ' fancy doing a bungee jump this weekend' and running bare foot along the sand.Fishing for compliments, maybe fishing for someone to tell them the truth that they are not old. Society seems to be telling people they are old at 50, come and join walking football at 50, they are building more social elderly residential care homes in my location, that you are eligible to enter at the grand old age of 55. Brainwashing us to change our natural progression of age, and taking away childhoods making young children stress at a young age. People don't know themselves anymore, we rely on what the world tells us. Anyway, old people are interesting and have ancient wisdom to offer today's youngsters. Some even know how to communicate without a mobile phone or facebook, still remember the techniques involved in actually walking to their friends home and chatting face to face and remembering to meet them a week later. The old people were never self obsessed with selfies they took photographs of others or fooling themselves into believing they had 500 imaginary friends. Society is covertly telling us all that we look great at forty - fifty, but hidden in this back handed compliment is we should also be grateful, because really we should be old. That's bullshit.Time as we know it, has also been accelerated by cern.They are old if they 'believe' they are old.Just as we believe in affirmations to be better, we can also achieve the opposite. So as we believe, we become.Spirits are ageless.
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