A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can appreciate attractive people but find that in order to get aroused by a man or turned on , I need to know him and feel an attraction . A man simply looking physically attractive is not enough to turn me on. Therefore pictures of random naked men have never done anything for me. Is it possible there are men who also feel like this about the women they love or are all men just turned on by any random attactive female they see . Are all female bodies interchangeable to men so long as they are 'hot' regardless of anything else about that woman Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 April 2017):
 Dear Female Anon, I haven't been able to make you understand my point, and for that I apologise. Probably my example, which I hoped would be inclusive to both sexes, was a bad example.
As we are now starting to dissect semantics it serves no purpose to continue this path.
I can only leave you with the simple re-iteration that it is wrong to ever suggest that men are always going to have sex given the opportunity, but women will be more selective and, in some unspoken way, are therefore better.
This is a falsehood which must never go unchallenged. It is a leftover from some of the poorer ideas perpetrated by the women's movement of which, incidentally, I have always been a supporter.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2017): Of course women's sex drives can be as potent as a man's but not with someone we're not attracted to! Whether in your opinion or anyone's opinion, that person is in fact, attractive!
We wouldn't have sex with a stranger on a desert island if there wasn't that attraction there and your initial post suggested we would. You also wrote that men WOULD. You wrote it yourself so why are you all up in arms about it now?
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (27 April 2017):
To be honest, Female Anon I find the insinuation that all men are testosterone-driven, sex-crazed animals who can't wait to hump the nearest female a tiresome generalisation.
It is a point of view that needs to be challenged at every opportunity in the same way one might confront a racist joke.
My experience is that a woman's sex drive can be as potent as a man's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Hi Drnozen this is not the anon female you refer to but I read your reposted with interest . Are you referring to the few days a month some women menstruate ? I think that poster was saying that men's hormones influence 365 days a year ( I could be wrong ) btw I didn't find my cycle changed my sexual desire for strangers ever . I didn't want them on
The few days of my period or the other days .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Thank you for your reply to my post Denizen but maybe you misunderstood me. I am the female anon.
Firstly I was just quoting an article I had read and I'm sorry you found it insulting.
I however found your assumption that a woman would have sex eventually with a man on a desert island also insulting. Of course we wouldn't! Whether he was attractive or not was not the point I was making.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 April 2017):
Dear Anonymous Female,
When I said in my early post, Providing he wasn't horrible', I was in an inverted way saying 'Attractive'.
And as for your proposition that: 'If an attractive woman just took her clothes off and was willing to have sex with whichever man was there, that most men would just engage in sex with her.' That is completely unfounded. It's a gross generalisation based on some personal bias which I cannot fathom. It is frankly insulting.
You may think men are at the mercy of their sex drive but I think, if you consider well, you have to acknowledge that female hormones have as big a role to play in all our daily lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): OP here , thanks for the replies to all the responders . I have to disagree with the last poster who Stated that some women are ignoring lust because they were raised to be good girls . That's sounds extremely sexist thinking to me. I most certainly wasn't raised to be a good girl in any way but I simply need more than hot looks to light my fire . I think to imply women
Like myself are in some way defective or ignoring some
'Natural ' or 'right' way of being is somewhat offensive to be honest
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 April 2017):
 I'm a woman who doesn't HAVE to "get to know" a man to find him attractive or get aroused. A VOICE can do that for me. A nice body. A handsome smile. A wicked sense of humor.
I can also get turned on by a totally fictional character in a book without the context being sexual. I think that is because my imagination is active enough to enjoy the fantasy.
Does it mean that I'm turned on by EVERY great looking guy in a good pair of jeans? Nope.
Attraction, arousal is different from what we call love. And for me, yes, I HAVE to know a person to feel more than lust. And I think knowing a person on a deeper level is preferable before being intimate, at least for me. I don't think I WOULD have sex with a random stranger. And IF we use the "desert island" imagery - if the guy was "hot as hell, but a total douche" I'd be fine not getting any from him. If he was not so hot but an attractive personality, then the possibility would obviously be greater.
Basic desire, I think we all have. Some are just very good at ignoring it.
As for looks, I think when we are younger we focus more on looks than personality when it comes to partners. Maybe that is a basic genetic thing, we subconsciously want to "mate" with attractive genes.
Are there men who need more than a pretty face or body to be turned on? Probably. Though I think men are less interested in "ignoring" base needs. They don't have an issue with being "horny" whereas many women have been raised that "good girls" don't LUST after men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): Yes when Denizen asked the question, 'Would a woman sleep with a man on a desert island after a while if he was the only one available?' and then proceeded to presume that we would??Most definitely not! I could NEVER sleep with a man without the attraction. It would be vile. If I'm in the mood I would take care of myself. I don't think about sex much at all if I'm single and there's no-one that I fancy. Men and women are very different as Denizen's answer shows.I did read something which I thought put it very well. That if an attractive woman just took her clothes off and was willing to have sex with whichever man was there, that most men would just engage in sex with her. But if a strange, but attractive man just took his clothes off, it's VERY unlikely a woman would just have sex with him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 April 2017):
 You can't have talked to many men at all, if you have to ask this question... Because they have all told me the exact same as you do. No, men and women are the exact same in this respect. We all do get turned on by different things. For some women, physical looks is all that matters. For some men too. But for most women, as for most men, they need an emotional connection.
How do I know this? I am one of the few women who do not need an emotional attachment to get turned on, and I love casual sex. Have had plenty of it. And as a bisexual, I have had both men and women in my bed. And the sole reason why casual relationships don't work, is because people fall in love with me and want more. And that INCLUDES the men I have been with. And in relationships, the men I have been with have told me the exact same. They have tried casual sex, but it didn't do anything for them, so they were only interested in serious relationships. Because that is what turned them on, the emotional connection, the love they felt for their partner.
So no, the things we find attractive is not dependent on gender. Men and women are the same when it comes to this. For every man that is only attracted to looks, there is a woman only attracted to looks. For every woman who needs emotional attachment, there is a man who needs emotional attachment. And the majority of both men and women want and need an emotional attachment.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 April 2017):
 This may be a strange response to this question, but hear me out..
Yes, I know we're not animals, but we can look to the animal kingdom to find similarities in response to stimuli. In this case, I know firsthand that in animal husbandry (particularly horses), the arousal function works markedly different for each gender. I'm not saying that it's like this for everyone, because it all varies from person to person.
For example, a race horse is hired out to stud, and the method desired is artificial insemination. What happens is that the stallion is shown a "tease mare" who is a mare in season. The stallion becomes sexually aroused at her sight and smell, and then is guided to a wooden facsimile in order to induce ejaculation. The semen is collected, and subsequently injected into the chosen female.
Horses are not the only animals that have this mechanism, but to make my point, all the male needed was the sight of the female in order to prime him. On the converse, and it's one of the reasons why many breeders use AI rather than conventional mating, is because the females of the species aren't ready to mate immediately upon seeing the male. Usually, the female won't mate until she is convinced that the male is strong enough or resourceful enough to be chosen. The natural mating process is longer, more drawn out, and can cause injury to the male (and the female as well), and that's not to mention any conflicts between males for the purpose of winning the reproductive rights of the female.
I hope I've not lost you, but nature holds the key here. The males don't wait for the females to bring them gifts, woo them, or fight other females in-season. It's the other way around. In the primate species, it's not unheard of for a female in season to have more than 20 males vying to become the one she mates with.
So the answer is yes. We are more complex with animals, but biology will still be at play. A guy sees a gorgeous woman, and he'll feel instant attraction and biological changes within his body. A girl gets to know a guy, finds out that he's strong, able, a good protector, a good provider, and she'll choose him. Luckily, it's more complex, and not everyone behaves along gender lines, to say nothing of same sex relationship dynamics.
The point is - YES, different people find different things attractive. Different genders respond to that attraction in different ways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): Men are visual creatures that is why the porn industry is so lucrative and that is why the saying goes sex sells in the advertisement business. And yes for men sex comes before love so the male even in the animal world does the chasing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): Denizen, I think the thing many men fail to realise is that many women would rather go the rest of their life without sex rather than engage in sex with the man on the desert island that they are not attracted to! I'm not speaking for all of course, but I and many other women NEED that connection in order to feel aroused and would rather go without if it was missing.
Your point is actually what scares many women - the fact that a man could, under the right circumstances, sleep with just about anyone. That makes us feel that either, a. we could easily be used by a man who didn't even like us that much; or b. our man's head could easily be turned if he was feeling horny enough.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 April 2017):
There is attraction and then there is love. You generalise in your question about men but are specific when speaking about women - as if you speak for all of them.
Put yourself in the desert island scenario. If you were there for long enough would you engage in sex with the man, providing he wasn't horrible?
It's the same for men. If a woman is attractive enough then a man could feel aroused by her. I'm told it's the pheromones. However would he want to stay with her forever; love, support, and care for her? It would need to be a lot more than sex for a man.
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