A
female
age
26-29,
*ancergirl1995
writes:So I've been talking/meeting this guy since last May, which is nearly a year ! He says he doesn't want to rush into a relationship because his last girlfriend cheated on him. And he tells me to be patient for a relationship because he will have to get to terms with having a girlfriend etc. We have told each other we love each other I just really don't know what to do we aren't official ?? He has his moments where he doesn't talk to me for days and he makes excuses up like he was at football, or catching up on sleep bla bla bla. But surely I'm not being dramatic in asking for consistency ?? All I want to know is where I stand because if he did "love" me surely he wouldn't be able to go a day without speaking to me ?? When I ask why he ignores me or why doesn't he text me, He tells me he's been busy and to stop being so sensitive ?? I haven't seen him as much recently either my head is just so confused. I have just been diagnosed with Crohn's disease which I am still coming to terms with also, These last few months I have been his rock because he has gone through so much and I was the only one there for him. I haven't even told him about the diagnosis because he hasn't asked me how I am so I have not bothered to tell him. I have done so much for him I don't understand why he wouldn't want to be with me ? I think he likes the idea of someone loving him but he doesn't want to give that love back. But he's told me he loves me :/ What the hell can I say to make him realise I'm serious about wanting to know where I stand ?? It's driving me mad, what can I say ?? Please give me some suggestions
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2017):
 Sweetie he already knows he shouldn't treat you like this. The truth is he likes the attention you give him but he does not see you as a girlfriend. Just because he has told you he loves you doesn't mean that it is true. Words don't mean anything, it is actions that prove to us who actually love us. His actions are screaming that he is just enjoying the attention from you. You deserve so much better. Block and delete him and show him you cannot be messed around with.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 April 2017):
 He's feeding you bulls*it and your buying it.
Nobody takes a year to decide whether they want to be in a relationship with someone. My guess is he's speaking to multiple girls and he's keeping you at arms length.
If he wanted to be your boyfriend he would of asked by now, trust me.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 April 2017):
 There is nothing you can say that will get your boyfriend caring more about you and being interested in your and what is happening in your life .... he simply doesn't appear to be there for you.
From the outside looking in it appears he is just mouthing the words that will keep you hooked into believing there will be the sort of relationship you desire, sometime in the future.
For the answers to your questions look to his actions, and not his words.
He is a user, nothing more, nothing less. He isn't going to change so really you need to decide if you are happy with the crumbs he lets you have or if you deserve the chance to look for something better.
If you DO decide to end it you don't need to put yourself to the trouble of breaking up, because in his eyes you are not even boyfriend and girlfriend. So delete him from your social media and block his number on your phone and get on with living your life rather than hanging around waiting for him to give you a titbit from his.
Look after your health, grieve a little over what could have been and then get out there doing the things you like to do.
Sending positive thoughts and vibes across the oceans ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): HiIt's difficult I know, but you can't extract information from someone if they're not willing to give it. You have to look at their actions instead. Even when a man IS talking to you and telling you what you want to hear, then it's STILL advisable to ONLY take what they DO into consideration.Reason being, talk is easy, but men only do what they WANT to do, so when you want to know where you stand or how they feel and they don't want to talk about it, then you have to look at their behaviour.What is your boyfriend's behaviour telling you, do you think?He ignores you for days and doesn't give a reasonable reason as to why. Now, he can ignore you if he wants to, he doesn't HAVE to send messages all the time, BUT if he DID love you or care for you, he would realise that this stresses you out and makes you unhappy. He would explain why, apologise perhaps and you would both come to an understanding about what would make you feel better AND work for him at the same time. But what did he DO? Nothing. Just gave you a crap reason i.e. catching up on sleep. Rubbish. You know it and I know it and he knows you won't believe it either. But he doesn't care about how you feel. Also puts the blame onto you, telling you you're too sensitive. Nice. He doesn't want to call you his girlfriend because he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. All this crap about being hurt and has to take his time is just that...CRAP. If he falls in love he will want to be with the person he is in love with. NO doubt. Also, he hasn't asked you about you? About how you are? So he takes your love and support when he needs it and AGAIN, doesn't care about you?Do you see how you can understand and realise where you stand in a 'relationship' without having to try and drag info from them? You look at what they do and how they make you feel. You can't change him and it's no good trying to get him to talk because he'll either avoid the conversation or tell you whatever bullshit he thinks you need to hear to keep putting out for him.Sorry to be harsh, but you need to realise that this man does not care about you and never will. Give your love and support and attention to someone who loves you and who will WILLINGLY give it back. Your present 'boyfriend' does not. So sorry to hear about your diagnosis by the way. A nutritional therapist (not just a nutritionist) would be a good way to go. Good luck x
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