A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a one sided view - i.e. mine about my relationship with my boyfriend but I need help to work out whether to stay in the relationship or whether the things I mention are serious enough to end it. The reason I am unsure is that I love my boyfriend been together 2 years and in many ways he makes me feel really loved but there has been growing doubts in my mind and an underlying resentment that I can't shake off. On occasions he has been physically abusive - these events have been few and far between but they have existed and I know on some occasions we have not really been in an argument but he has suddenly flared up - although he swears he is not a violent person and at times he is so patient its weird. He sometimes plays mind games with me and I feel like he is trying to manipulate my thinking although I'm one jump ahead - its with things like how I feel about something or my opinion - again he says its up to me to decide on stuff but there is underlying pressure or comments which throw me - I don't think I can be myself always. I have questioned his morals - some things have bugged me about his background. He has covered for his friend in a public toilet whilst his friend took Cocaine - which he should know better than to do working in the job he does. He cheated on his girlfriend having an oral sex threesome (and got really angry) saying it wasn't cheating when I said that was a pretty rotten thing to do to his girlfriend. He defends his male friends who have treated their partners badly but picks up on all my faults. He used to get texts from a married woman at the weekend and also kept pictures of previous female acquaintances he had met casually on his phone. The mobile phone issues have stopped but he blames me that he now has no female friends. He has a cruel streak that is cold and I think I am sensitive and sentimental - I'm easily hurt by his comments sometimes. This includes comments that I put my dog before him - which is ridiculous - and I think disrespectful. I love my dog to bits and I got him at a low point in my life but I treat him like a dog. I am responsible for him - but I think my boyfriend would happily leave the dog crossing its legs all day and night if HE wanted a day out. He is self centred about sport (I know men can be focused on this) but during the summer it amounts to at least one day and 3 evenings per week that I have to write off and this includes a Saturday. I love this guy and have invested a lot of love and time in the relationship - I am giving just the bad bits in this post because I would like opinions on them so I can weigh it up against the good. If anyone has experienced any of these negatives and its helped them make a decision to stay or go I would be so gratful to here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I did not need to read any further than "he has been physically abusive" to know you must - must - get this loser out of your life as soon as possible. It does not matter if it only happened once - that's still one time too many. There is no excuse for physical abuse - ever. And by staying with him after it happened the first time, you've shown him that it's OK to treat you this way. Correct that. Now. By leaving him.
I did read further, which only confirmed my opinions. Your description reeks of a "man" who is capable of loving no one but himself. I suspect that, deep down, you know this to be the case. Get out, while you still have a shred of self-esteem - and before he physically abuses you into the hospital or into your grave. If you have or want children, all the more reason to end things with this ass.
You can find happiness without him, I promise you that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I think you know the answer! You are looking for confirmation to what you already know deep inside yourself!
I have empathy with you, I understand that you have invested a lot of time, effort and emotion to mention but a few into this relationship, but from experience with similar situations, my advise will be get out! You have given two years of your life, get out do not waste more time! You are obviously not happy with what this guy and his integrity; it is of deep concern to you, why waste more time?
Can you visualize your future with this man?
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