A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am attracted to a man who happens to be married but will not ever do more than occasionally think about him. He has always been kind of flirtatious and he gives me vibes and looks of admiration. I always hear his wife criticizing him over the silliest things that my jaw drops every time I hear how she speaks to him. The other day, his wife told me that despite her moodiness, that her husband's love for her is "unconditonal". I was happy for her but then couldn't help wonder how he could insinuate so much admiration for me? Am I being too black and white with how I see things? How can he take all that negativity from his wife and yet not talk back to her when she screams her lungs off at him and then they are finding ways to "spice up their sex lives" (she told me) while he throws charming smiles my way? I know people flirt sometimes, but you know that feeling you get when you know someone really has their eyes set on you? I feel that around him a lot of times. There's a connection (not that I would let it ever develop into anything else). Yes, I know he's married, so not looking for people to judge me on that.Why do I want to know? because I kind of find it's like he's living a double life...In front of his wife, he doesn't show me his "admiration" and when we've spoken alone, he gives off those looks of admiration.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I think Caring Guy hit the nail on the head. I think you are NOT the first girl he "flirts" with, nor are you the first girl (outside of his wife) that he likes to make feel "special" - he doesn't do it because he is interested, but because it's a HUGE ego boost for him. It's a "look at me I still got it!" thing.
She doesn't like it and I'm sure she's told him MANY times that it REALLY isn't appropriate for a married to guy to act this way, but he still doesn't his thing - hence her hostility.
And YOU my dear, are just lapping up all this attention, from him and her - thinking all this is about you. Sorry, it isn't.
If I were you, I would nip this in the bud. I would NOT be flirting back with this guy, nor would I ACTIVELY pursue him. Honestly if he can treat his wife with this disrespect and disregard - you really think he would treat YOU or another chick any better? If you do.. then you are fooling yourself.
And... before you feel too much sympathy with this guy (oh his mean mean wife) you DO NOT know what goes on in their marriage - could be he's cheated before, could be other reasons. If you were any kind of smart.. you would walk away from their drama and let them figure their marriage/life out themselves and find yourself a nice SINGLE guy.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I think this is the key phrase in your submittal:
"...Why do I want to know? ..."
It's the "key phrase" because it is SO a-propos.... that is: You are speaking of this married man as if it makes one iota of difference WHAT you think.
Are you alluding that YOU are interested in HIM? ... and that you think there is some sort of FUTURE in pursuing him??? PLEASE wake up.... and put some distance between you and this fool and his bickering spouse... and get on with YOUR life... with NEITHER OF THESE TWO in it.... and I ASSURE you that you will have a better life, after all.
Geeeeesh.... Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): don't push yourself or make yourself look desperate since its your first relationship he might take advantages of you, give it time your still young you never knew someone better will come along that will take notice of you :) good luck
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A
female
reader, shanaya  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Dear friend,
I don't think that this man's intentions are innocent. the similar thing has happened me also but the man was not married. I actually had a very sad experience with the person as he actually tried to molest and harass me. These looks of admiration can be hints for mere sexual attraction. Even I attracted towards that person and he tried to exploit the things. I would suggest you to distance yourself from such a person as that is the right thing to do. And, this will save yourself from the feelings of regret and guilt.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (15 November 2012):
 It doesn't matter what's going on with their marriage. It's not your business. If he has an issue with how his wife is acting, it's his job as the man to give her the single man speech and then work things out. I would just distance yourself before you get in the middle of things...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 November 2012):
I think, somehow, that his wife's behaviour is very much linked to something that has happened in their marriage that he caused. It's no coincidence that she has said all these things and acted this way whilst you're around. It's done because she's threatened by you, and threatened by his intentions. I think it's very easy to look at her behaviour and ask how she puts up with it. But, there is another thought, that maybe he's misbehaved this way before, and she's actually had to put up with a lot that you don't know about. The sex talk, the put downs - that's her feeling very insecure and threatened by his behaviour towards you.
And his smile, his looks of admiration? Perhaps that's the reasons she acts this way, and perhaps this man is not all that nice.
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