| A ,
anonymous
writes: Hello all, thanks for reading. I've been with my boyfriend for nine months now and it has really been a roller coaster ride. For the first two months of our relationship we were both living in Arkansas, then I moved back to Montana to be with my family, as my mother had gotten very sick. Eventually my boyfriend plans to move out to Montana for me, but that won't be for about a year or so. For the last seven months we have been trying to maintain a long distance relationship and it is really wearing on us. We've visited three times since being apart, each visit being about a week long, and whenever we're together I love him so much I could just explode. We have an amazing time whenever we're together, and it seems obvious we're meant to be. Then, after the visits we're sad and before long we're back to arguing with each other constantly. I'm just so tired of him questioning me constantly and always needing to know every little thing that I'm doing. I barely even go out and do anything anymore because I know it will just spark another argument because he will be questioning me to death about what I'm up to. It's just exhausting. So, is all this arguing and distrust worth the wonderful times we share when we are together? Is this relationship worth pursuing and figthing for? Or am I just holding on for fear of being alone? Thanks for reading, I could really use some advice.
View related questions:
long distance, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Hi Dear,
Thanks for answering my questions. It sounds like when it was good, it was really good, but when it was bad, it was very bad. It is truly exasperating, when someone does not have enough confidence in themselves, to believe that the person they care about does totally care for them. It's that old lack of security and jealously thing. You said it, you want to video tape for him, my answer to that is he would want to know about the time when you were not video taping, he can't trust. Not your fault. You could do every thing, but it won't be enough. Do think about that, as I said before, if he does not stop, he will drive you away, you won't be able to stop yourself, you will want peace. Peace of mind is extremely important. I leave it with you, but you must consider what is going on. If he can't feel secure, he will drive you half-way nuts. Take care of yourself, try to let him know, maybe he could read a book on ridding yourself of your basic insecurities, I don't know, these things are usually very deeply imbedded in your personality. Good luck to you in the future. If we can help, stay in touch.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who responded. I greatly appreciate it. To answer Artistry's question, when my boyfriend and I were first together things were great. It was wonderful to be around him. I always felt so loved and so safe in his arms. There were times, though, right from the start, when he would ask me about any guys who would call me or text me and ask me what random numbers were on my phone. It was a bit maddening, but honestly he got a lot better about it. When we were first seperated from each other, the jealousy was definitely at its worst. After I told him if he didn't get better I would break up with him (which was back in January), he really has gotten so much better. It's just so frustrating to be questioned all the time. I always tell him I just wish I could have a video camera on me at all times to truly prove to him that I'm being honest. I don't know how to make him trust me, though, and it hurts. Thanks again to everyone who answered.
...............................
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (24 June 2008):
Hi, From what I read, you don't mention, how the two of you behaved during the first two months when you lived near each other. So we go from when you moved, it seems as though
your boyfriend may have insecurity problems. Maybe because of the long distance between you, you know how he behaved when you were in close proximity to each other. If he does have problems with his own insecurity, you have to decide if you can deal with it. At this time, I think I would try to hold down the arguments on your side, I would not stop going out, I would just not stir the pot by telling him everything. If he insists, you have to be tougher and say, let's change the subject, if you want to talk, you have my answer, let's move on or we can hang up. Don't be bullied into confessing all your business to him, he is not your keeper, he is supposed to be your boyfriend. How did he behave during the two months in the same place? Can you say that he was different, and didn't question you as he is now? If not, if he was the same, then this presents a problem, the insecurity doesn't change, it may become worse. It is something the person has to overcome, sometimes if a person thinks you are going to do something such as cheat on them, it is because they have the capacity to so themselves, so they accuse you, to justify their feelings of possible infidelity, just a thought. So analyze it if you can, it would be awful, if he moved where you are and then you had to break up. But do know this, if he continues to question your every move, it will be unbearable and get on your nerves so bad, that you will want to get away from him. It is unhealthy in the long run, and it is abusive. So think long and hard, do you really want him to move where you are and bring that insecurity with him? I would tell him that as well, that unless he stops, you are not able to deal with him, always demanding answers to things that are normal for any woman, being with her friends and doing innocent things. So please think long and hard. Good luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 That sounds alot like me and my ex, we were long distance for a number of months and was exactly the same, great when we're together but he was always arguing when we were apart, he's always be calling me, asking what im up to, who im with, for a good while i didn't go out at all and just spent my days emailing him to avoid whatever argument would come out of me going out with my friends, its hard as hell i know, It's the most confusing thing really, and i couldn't really suggest anything positive as my long distance relationship ended up with us splitting up due to the stress we were causing eachother, and decided that it weren't fair so ended it, hopefully someone will come along with a better answer than mine but i just could really unbelievably relate to what you are saying. All the best x
...............................
|
