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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, my mind has been all over the place lately and i just wanted to ask you some questions about soulmates. Does anyone out there believe they have found their soulmate? Maybe you thought you did but then realised afterwards that they cudnt be you soulmate??? Or maybe you met somebody that you believe is ur soulmate but u cant be wit them for various reasons??... I am interested to hear people's stories. Are soulmates even real...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014):
Destiny or fate as a predetermined course of events, or FATE from another time extracted or so I was told by my kid brother.
Regarding destiny,I agree, we all have choices and we can map out our own lives, but some events are already written(maybe by ourselves who really knows) I know I can change my destiny within minuits and other peoples,this is easy. I can get myself sacked on wednesday morning if I want, thus causing change and having control over my life on wednesday.
I talked about destiny in my post and spoke of a sequence of events that were told to me years previous, I never went looking and I never even thought about her words nor was I longing for a soul mate, I couldnt give a shit about all that spiritual guro romantic rubbish especially the regurgatated book rubbish that talks about romantic soul mates and astrology. I was too busy living young and care free enjoying my different boyfriends and enjoying my times of been single and enjoying the life I was carving out for myself.
Destiny fate brought us together at our allocated time, as fortold, this is FACT(to me) so in my case I can not dismiss destiny and soul mates. I can not say I have CONTROL over my ENTIRE LIFE, I have choices, yes, but I can not control everything that comes my way and other people have carved some of my life out for me good and bad, against my desire against my belief and behind my back.
It was a soul connection that i was fortold would come my way and it did. Above all when I met my soul mate there was no doubt about it, no matter how I tried to change, delay, divert,deny, cheat my way out of OUR destiny,it was there.
Yes I believe we have other soul connections my dogs are connected in soul to me and an enemy my greatest friend in soul, who showed me my bad sides, no good having a false belief that we are faultless. Kid brother, reminding me From another time extracted FATE, do we already know these 'others'?
The notion of feeling whole, making complete can mean a number of things. I am a twin and thoughts/mind CAN co-exist as many twins can vouch for and very emotianally healthy ones at that. When minds co exist this does not make a mind any less nor does it make it weaker it makes minds stronger, collective conciousness .
Selfishness, self indulgence, Yeh! I get part of that, but double standards may exist on this. Should we say then, that our children do not belong to us, are they not ours on some soul connection,do they belong to anyone and everyone? we like to say they our our's a special connection and bond taht no oe else can have.
Selfishness could be described just how 'Youwish' put it (Be a complete fully-realized individual in yourself alone not needing to be completed by someone else to be whole).
We need 'others' to show/tell us who we are, we see our selves in mirrors of 'others', we can not learn about ourselves until we join with others, friends, family,relationships, strangers,they all build parts of who we are and help us see. Some will help us build an unreal image of ourselves (a false self)so we need truth and this comes from the soul. we meet our soul through our soul mate-s the good the bad and the darn right ugly, it is the deire of the soul to know the truth about who we are. I think when WE are willing to see and accept the WHOLE TRUTH about OURSELVES we meet our soul mate. I know now through my soul mate that I am full of flaws and faults and yet he still loves me,he knows the same. light and shadow ying and yang call it whatever, apart from romance.
Twin Flames :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): The original concept of the soulmate did NOT 'representing a loss of individuality' as YouWish has said, the Greek myth says humans were originally made with four arms and legs and one head with two faces, then were punished and split in half. "It is said that when the two halves find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that"
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (2 September 2014):
 Definition 1:A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, friendship, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust.Definition 2:A soulmate exists specifically for a person.I agree with definition 1 but not definition 2 as I don't think every person has just one other person specifically designed for them and them alone.Some people just "click" without even trying - they fall in love and are best friends too. I think this is what a soulmate is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): I believe so, me and my future wife have been together 8 & 1/2 years and i can't see me ever being with anyone else, we get each other completely and know what the other is thinking. So yeah i believe in soul mates.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 September 2014):
 Nope. I like the idea of an ideal mate, but the reality is that there isn't just ONE out there for you.
Think about it. What if YOUR soulmate was born in Guatemala and you in Norway, or he fell of a cliff at age 12. What then? Would you have to go through life without that "soul-mate"?
And like You Wish so eloquently put it, it's a WHOLE lot of expectations to put on another person.
There will be people you mesh with to a higher degree than others, and sometimes you have to sort through a whole bunch of no-gos before you find one of those. (not dating, but meeting).
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 September 2014):
 I completely despise the term "soulmate". The term sets my teeth on edge because to me, it has an obsessive neediness and unrealistic burden of expectations that ultimately cripple any relationship where the term is used for.
The concept of soulmate is ultimately a self-centered one. A soulmate is supposed to be the ONE person who is completely compatible to you, thinks similarly to the way you do, shares a kinship of spirit with you, a perceived notion that before you meet this person, you're incomplete, and that it gives the impression that two souls unite and become a new entity. The phrase "we think so much alike it's like we share the same brain" is often associated with this sort of thinking. I say that it's self-centered because such an idea is impossible with two emotionally healthy individuals. When differences arise between the two "soulmates", we try to make the other person fit our way of thinking in order to maintain "soulmate" status. It's too high of a pedestal because eventually, one person or both will realize that they never got to know the other person as they truly are, and instead made them into what is compatible to them. Intimacy is then stunted because of the idealized fantasy nature of "soulmates" to begin with.
What drives that concept home is that the earliest Greek representation of "soulmate" is of a four-armed, four-legged person with two faces on one head, representing a loss of individuality. Things said in modern times like "you complete me" drive that image home and are very emotionally claustrophobic.
Before you dismiss what I say as someone lonely and bitter, I am married to the love of my life and have been for 16 years now. But we are two individuals with our own interests. Some are common, and some are very different. For example, we are about the furthest apart politically as we possibly can be, and every US election year is marked by loud raucous debates over the candidates on the state and federal level. Had we adhered to the notion of "soulmates", we would have to think the same way and complete each other's sentences and other such rubbish. That's boring to us, as we'd rather happily accuse each other of being in a fantasy-land before laughing and watching the elections or primaries together, each enjoying our differences of opinion.
It's much better to love someone as they are, to learn from the differences in individuality as well as enjoy the commonalities. That is so superior to "soulmate", and if in the case of loss or change, there are other kindred spirits, like there are new people to become friends with. We always grow and change, and there is no "one" person out there. I personally don't believe much in destiny either, as I'm a much more "hands-on" outlook over my life and opportunities.
You brought up the example of meeting someone you believe is a soulmate but can't be with them for various reasons. Again, that sets my teeth on edge and is nothing more than limerence, or an overwhelming obsessive attraction to someone else. When two people feel limerence and are available, then it's awesome with the butterflies and the lovey feelings. But if one is unavailable, it then becomes unhealthy to obsess and fantasize and work yourself up into a "he or she is the only soulmate" state. It becomes compulsive, and risks are taken and people hurt to try and have that limerence reciprocated. If you've noticed, like I said earlier, that whole concept is ultimately self-centered. What if this perceived soulmate is married?? Then the person feels justified in wrecking homes, hurting innocent spouses and children because of their obsessive limerence and belief that this ONE soulmate is the only one forever.
The simple truth is that limerence fades in all cases, and what's in its place is either a deep and enduring love OR nothing. The concept of "soulmate" was a mirage, and the fact that the person can't be happy except with this one other person is because the person refuses to allow themselves to be happy unless they have the object of their limerence. Again, it's self-centered, which is anathema to honest, true love.
My advice to you is, rather than look for the one soulmate, the best way to approach things is to BECOME the partner you desire, meaning work on yourself to be all of those qualities you look for in someone else, such as honest, trustworthy, sense of humor (if you're looking for that), successful, kindhearted, good-looking, strong, etc. Be a complete fully-realized individual in yourself alone not needing to be completed by someone else to be whole. That way, when attraction happens, you'll be able to use your mind and your emotions together and get to know the other person as they are rather than as you want them to fit you compatibly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): We have to be careful about getting ourselves caught-up in concepts and terminology created by the advertising media and the greeting card industry.
They feed us a lot of industry jargon that we start to incorporate or blend into our world of reality; and actually think it's truly a part of everyday life. Believing it's actually real; because it's so widely accepted and generally passed around.
This sort of thinking limits our perceptions and narrows our search, thinking there is one and only one person meant for us. The fact is, there are many people just right for us. What determines our meeting and forming a matching pair is determined by being in the right place at the right time.
It wouldn't be fair if our options were so limited; when unforeseen or unfortunate incidents may cut our union with someone wonderful short. I lost my loving partner of nearly 30 years to cancer. What if I believed that was the only person on this earth meant to be my one and only true match? It's very discouraging to believe I couldn't love, or be loved, that much again. That I can't look forward to feeling that way for someone, or someone feeling that way about me because that was it!
We met as teenagers and he died in his forty's. I met two people since. One dumped me over a year ago, and another I'm currently dating. In spite of being dumped, I've remained optimistic. Things are going very well for me now.
I learned so much along the way, and feel quite fortunate.
Drop all the Hollywood and fantasy-created concepts; and just go with there being "people" out there just right for us; and meant to cross our paths along our journey through life. Even if they don't last, each one who touches our lives brings something different or special. A new experience; regardless of how long they're around and in our lives,or why the relationship ended. Even people we determine are wrong for us, but right at the time. It was a trial relationship, meant to refine and strengthen us for better things to come. We know when it's right. Leaving out the silly labels. It's heartfelt and has no name. Best defined by the word love. An emotion which no one can tag a definition to. Just because someone is a good person and you really love them, doesn't mean their feelings can't change. That they might outgrow us, or we could outgrow them.
You may live a long life. Many good souls that may be considered "soul-mates" by the fairytale definition; may not want to be partnered with us for the long-term. They were only passing through. So you have to be prepared to move on. You can only do that if you don't have unrealistic notions in your head. You have to be mature about love and relationships. Not with your head in the clouds and fantasy-land.
As we develop and age, we change. Someone we met and thought was "the one," actually wasn't. Sometimes we meet people later in life more adaptable to the new and improved version of ourselves. Those in the past, that we met along the way; shaped and prepared us for that final relationship that may be special above all others; and the best match we've ever made in a lifetime.
Even then, their stay may be short; only to make way for someone as good or better. Not by choice, but destiny. As you improve as a person and become different; sometimes another mate more in-tune with whom you have become is better for you, and you're better for them. I don't believe soul-mates are real at all. In a world populated by billions, I just can't believe I was born for only one person on the planet. I've made lifelong friendships with people, and our personalities compliment each others wonderfully. They were meant to be only friends.
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 September 2014):
Nah, there are probably many potential partners who would be near perfect mates for you.
My husband is as near as perfect for me as you can get. We're definitely bonded for life. That said, we don't always know what the other is thinking, and rare arguments happen. We are spiritually and intellectually bound, but I do not hold the belief that we were "created" for one another, which is at the crux of the idea of soulmates. We're pretty much both atheists, which probably contributes to my beliefs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): It hasn't happened to me, but in my family it has. My aunt and uncle never argue, and when I eavesdrop on them, they aren't arguing either. I think they're soul mates. As unreal as it sounds, it might actually be real.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): I was once told by a gypsy when i was a teenager that i would meet my soulmate, she said his name was written in my hand and told me it(correct name)my age of meeting him(correct 15 years after reading).The amount of information she gave me was astounding and personal and impossible to guess. At the time been only 16, I laughed and laughed I believed none of it. I carried on with life and growing forgetting her words until one day I had no doubt that something unusual was at work when i met My soul mate and all her words came back to me and the name ARTHUR,at 16 years old there was not a chance I would be with an Arthur, it was such a rare old name, to me anyway, nobody was called Arthur any more. He used a different name for years NIK until we met and then he returned to his real name.Call it soul mates, fate, destiny, coincidence, whatever but I know and he knows we are soul mates and were meant to be together. It's not been all hearts and flowers it was the most challenging, heart wrenching, special and strangest relationship I have ever had, obstacles to overcome,situations that try and rip you apart, even death. Seperating is when you know and feel the connection that is unbreakable. Yes outside factors can part you, but not the connection that belongs to the two.I have to say that I believe that soul mates exist.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (1 September 2014):
 I've also wondered about this. When I was younger and more naive, I used to believe in the concept of soul mates, but I'm not so sure anymore, or maybe what I believe has changed with time and life experience. I've had many relationships in my life, including a marriage, and I would say that I only loved deeply once (not my ex husband). I thought that experience was a soul mate experience, but it did not last, so I guess it was not. Besides that romantic soul mate experience, I've also experienced platonic soul mates...friends with beautiful souls that you just click with and love deeply. I remember once I was on a business trip waiting in the airport to catch a flight home, and I struck up a conversation with an older woman, who was the same age as my mom. She was returning home to England and I was returning to Canada. We were both waiting on the same connecting flight that would take us to another airport and then we would go our separate ways. We had the most wonderful chat. I definitely felt a platonic soul mate connection with her. I remember we sat next to each other on the plane and there was quite a bit of turbulence. She reached out and held my hand for almost the whole flight, because we were so frightened. When we reached our destination, we parted ways and never exchanged contact information, but I remember to this day how lovely it was to meet her. I never saw her again of course.
I think that soul mate experiences do not always come in the traditional romantic package. I believe it is about connecting with another human being at a soul level (deeper than usual) and feeling the beautiful vibrations of love and friendship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014): Hi,
I believe in soul mates to a certain extent. The only limitation is that there can't simply be one person in the whole world made for us. I think that when we find that special person whom we connect with in a very special way we can label them as our soul mate because the souls connect in a very special way and the two people think the same and have so much in common (almost like a twin). But we can probably have that experience with several people in this world or over a lifetime. I also think our 'soulmate' sometimes comes to us at the wrong timing (example when we are married or committed to someone else) and it becomes an 'unrequited love' type of situation. Look up 'Life partner' versus 'soulmate' and see what I mean.
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