A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, was looking for advice. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 2 years. He has basically been staying at mine every night for over a year but still maintains his own place which has made money really tight as he cant afford to help towards my bills. He has been struggling financially and so have i. He has a daughter of 7 years old who he seems to share raising with his ex partner which at times does make me jealous as i dont have children and she seems firmly fit into his family. I havent been introduced to any of his family friends or child so it gets to me when they arrange birthdays and things like that.Anyway he wants to get a car and has asked me to move into his temporarily as i can save money and it would also help him too. On paper financiually it makes a lot of sense, however, it will be his place still and he has said it would be like renting a room that we woudlnt live there as a couple as it could make it difficult. ALthough i know as does he we would be anyway. he does like his own space and so do i but i feel like i would be sacrificing a lot for not much in return, other than a lot of savings.He does seem to compartmentalise his life and it bothers me the fact i havnt met anyone or been introduced to anyone or included in things so why as me to move in for a period of time and where do we go from there? I am considering it mainly because of the financial aspect but i am worried as i am 34 this hyear and i do want to settle down and have my own family. I just dont know what to do at all.
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his ex, jealous, money, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2019): If you’re worried about your age and settling down to have your own family, then this is not the relationship for you....
Your relationship seems to be most motivated by financial concerns and not long lasting love and respect. You’re not moving in because you love each other so much and want to take the next step, but it’s because he wants to buy a car? And he directly told you the situation is labeled as “renting a room?”
I’m afraid he doesn’t see you as a potential lifetime partner. And even if he does, he will never change and keep treating you this way. You do realize you can find a partner who will be thrilled to be with you and want to show you off to the whole world? I’m sure the other aunts and uncles can tell you what it’s like to be in healthy relationships to show you the standard.
I repeat. If you don’t want to waste your time, now’s the time to end things. With the right person you could have already been married in two years.
A
male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (27 March 2019):
 Sounds like you are just in a place where he wants you. Just for his own benefit. Sorry honey he needs to grow up. Find yourself a man and leave this boy...
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 March 2019):
 If after 2 years you’ve still never been introduced to any of his family or friends it’s really not looking promising.
I’d be mulling over whether this guy is right for you, not whether to move in with him or not.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 March 2019):
 From reading your letter I cannot see how this move would be a good move for you, or help the relationship grow.
You have been seeing him for 2 years and yet he has not welcomed you into his life, no introduction to his friends or family, and nothing to indicate this will ever change.
If you move into his place you are to pretend there is no relationship and yet you will be there, girlfriend, AND SEX, on tap whenever there is nobody around to see.
It appears the reason you are short of money is this man stays at your place but cannot afford to help cover the costs of him doing so. He seems to be aware he is on a good wicket.
It is my opinion that the best way for you to save money would be to recognise him and the user he is and that the relationship is going nowhere. Moving into his place where you pretend to be a platonic housemate (but we know the truth hey), will be of enormous benefit to him but it will be a backward step for you.
Give him the flick and find somebody who wants to make you a part of his life … this one is going nowhere.
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