A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys! This is more of a general question than a relationship question but I do hope you will give some of your time even to read over it. I was diagnosed some time ago with borderline personality disorder. Since then I have done some extensive research on the disorder in a hope to better my life, relationships and understand how I appear in other peoples perspective. I am quite proud now to say that after a lot of work and self discovery you wouldn't notice there was anything different about me than other people. It is hard and of course I do have times (rarely, maybe once each six months) have a episode which rarely lasts longer than a few days. This leads on to my question on how a lot of people regard people like me in general. I have notices on quite a few occasions when some one is nasty, mean, cruel etc they are accused of being BPD. I know that by being offended by this people will accuse me of being typical "BPD" but I just want to find how you aunts and uncles percieve it. When I was diagnosed I told some very close friends of mine who have looked up about it. Its always about how terrible and unfeeling people we are. I am a loving. Caring kind person who has lived through a lot of pain and as a result I am damaged. I will always admit my wrong doings and I have worked hard to be where I am. But when I confide that I have this disorder and if they were to look it up online they would look at these things and think I am nothing but a monster?After writing this I am unsure of what I am asking from you but experienced insight on how you guys view this? Even if any of you have some good experinces with people like me, even bad things. Please be kind with your answers x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank you all for your responses. It made me smile a real happy heartfelt smile that I haven't in a while. A lot of you I have followed for some time and I am so glad you replied to my post.
I appreciate it so much and will take all of your advice on board. I wish you all good things and happyness hopefully someone tells you something today that makes you fell the way I do now x
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I have had a bf and two close friends with a BPD. I do not think they are monsters and I know it hurt them when others
have confronted them about their angry lashouts.
Having a BPD does not make you less valuable or less loveable. It makes you more challenging in relationships. If you are in a close relationship where people do not understand the negative reactions you have-it is up to you to educate others, not just expect others to overlook your dark times.
Being in love or in a close companionship with someone who has BPD is a hard place. You watch someone you wish nothing but peace struggle with their own joy.
I confronted my best friend with BPD with the phrase "You have become the very person you detest that hurt you in the past. I am becoming you."
You are right, some folks are just plain nasty and that does not mean they have BPD.
Everyone will not understand your condition. How can they? You probably barely understand it yourself. When you do lash out or become over sensitive-you might not recognize your actions as hurtful. Tune into the faces and reactions of others. Look for clues where you might be acting irrationally.
Gather a few trusted people to help you be accountable for those times where you might be a bit blind to yourself.
Some people WILL walk away from you. That does not make you a monster-and it does not mean they lack compassion. They do not have the skills to walk with you thru those moments.
I suggest keeping a journal or a private video log where you can talk about your feelings and conflicts that come up. Look for repetitive comments you or your friends make about your actions/words/thoughts.
Your BPD may not be "cured" in a traditional sense, but it can be managed with work and learning to acknowledge what is triggering you and how to desensitize yourself.
Even if you did not have BPD, not everyone is going to like you. THat is just human nature. The folks that really matter in your inner circle, are going to see that your life is important to you and that THEY and their lives are just as important!
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I think it's probably best that you NOT tell people you have this illness. Simply because it's a label and you are on the road to recovery so why would you continually tie yourself to a label when clearly you have made such progress to live a normal life. Once a person has been diagnosed wth this disorder and has sought the appropriate course of treatment and therapy you should start seeing yourself in a different light. If you always tell people you have this problem, then you will never be free of it and this illness can evoke a certain amount of fear in people that neither understand it, or trust that you have moved past the traditional diagnosis, to one of healing. Typically when people have been subjected to a certain type of abuse at a very young age, they can frequently develop different personalities as a way of categorzing their painful memories. Once you have gone through therapy and perhaps gotten the proper medication, only your healthcare professional needs to know you carry this diagnosis. Mainstream american probably cannot handle the truth. There's always a fear of relapse. There's always a fear that you will do something completely horrible to another person, and blame it on your illness. You don't sound like the type of person who would do that, therefore it's probably best that you stop telling people about your diagnosis and see yourself as someone who is well and living a productive, healthy life. I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (2 October 2011):
 my friend has BPD and she is lovely. but she is also explosive and violent but i love her all the same.
its a form of brain pattern with over activation in the amygdala or (emotional/threat, processing centre). basically emotional responses are processed as flight or fight threats hence the rapid uncontrollable reactions/responses.
you might have this tendency but instead of seeing it as a label i would see it as an evolutionary advantage. its the ability to turn social threat into a real life or death threat. basically an over exaggerated form of a genuine social skill.
stop beating yourself up about some psychiatrists opinion of you and dig deep and accept your flaws and realise you've worked hard to improve things. psychiatrists are only human and so is any diagnosis they make. its not black and white and people change and evolve over time.
give yourself credit where its due. x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 October 2011):
 BPD normally hits young women and improves with age from my understanding of the disorder... TO ME it's a catchall disorder since they don't fit bi-polar or depressive, or histrionic... I often think of BPD as the "drama queen" syndrome. There is really NOTHING that you can medicate BPD with... It is believed that Princess Diana had BPD... and truly she was SUCH an evil monster wasn't she /sarcasm
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