A
female
age
41-50,
*anniepeg
writes:Once people get married are they joined at the hip? Do they get time outs like a week at a time, a few times a year? On average is this acceptable? Kids can survive without a parent once in a while right? Do you think giving partners time out will prevent or decrease the numbers of divorce? Men and some women always feel stuck in a marriage, so is it practical advice to send your spouse to a solo vacation once in a while? Provided that they don't cheat?Men and some women handle stress differently. Men want to disappear and women want to talk about problems. Gender specific here although there are exceptions. A man is always entitled to leave whenever but shouldn't a woman have equal rights to, to have someone to listen to? How do you handle this conflict of stress resolution between men and women?Can you still call it a marriage when mini break ups whenever necessary are allowed?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 every couple has to do what's right for them
some couples are joined at the hip others are not.
I personally like a girls weekend now and then and have done 10 day road trips with girlfriends... with daily phone calls home...
I am not defined by my marriage nor my relationship with any one person...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): As people have written, each couple finds their own way. That usually involves the couple pursuing some of their interests themselves, but sharing most of their interests together.
What doesn't sound right about your situation is turning that into the emotional rollercoaster implied by "mini break ups".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I have never compared my marriage to others. Nor have I ever really wanted a holiday on my own. I quite like the company of my husband and kids. With that said, I have ALWAYS managed to make time for ME and MY hobbies. I have also travelled with my kids "sang" husband (he was deployed overseas).
I might just be old, because I can't see why someone who is married would want to go on holiday alone. I like sharing these experiences with people I love.
But again, I think it comes down to the two people involved.
My parents took vacations by themselves from time to time - My dad would go deep sea fishing (so not my Mom's cup of tea) and she would go to Greece or Italy with friends or with us kids. It worked fine for them.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (14 November 2011):
janniepeg is verified as being by the original poster of the question All four of you are at least 10 years older than me but there are people your age who do the modern thing. Won't you think that if people have the choice to be single for a moment, then be family oriented for a moment, then there will be fewer commitment phobes? I am thinking that the partner who wants closeness should initiate disconnect, so he/she feels in control. The disconnector therefore feels more comfortable staying connected without feeling stifled. We choose our level of connectedness but we still look around for what's the norm. Maybe we can raise our kids to think differently about what marriage means.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Some are... but it's NOT a condition of being married....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 No, not really but most couples are couples and tend to do important and fun things together. That's the part of marriage that is supposed to be the most enjoyable. If it's not then,hey not all marraiges work out. Seperate vacations,etc. are supposidly the "modern" thing but I say it's a sign that they should have stayed single. But I am "old school" that way
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2011):
I know some couples who ae "joined at the hip" and some that aren't - it really comes down to the couple.
The thing is to find someone who feels the same way, have the same ideals and values.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): No, married couples are not joined at the hip once they marry. It is perfectly healthy to do things alone and keep hobbies separate; in fact, it's healthy to have some "alone time."
However, week-long "time-outs" and solo vacations might not be good indicators of healthy relationships. I don't know any successful married couples who have "mini break ups whenever necessary." Part of marriage is committing to each other for life (hence the wedding vows) and entering into a partnership, with teamwork. In general, healthy partnerships don't require running away from problems, if even only temporarily.
Instead, good communication is key to a healthy marriage. Being open about problems or concerns means resolutions can be found. "Disappearing" or taking a week off of marriage doesn't solve anything.
It isn't a healthy marriage if mini break ups happen.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I think all couples choose different levels of connectness. Some are glued at the hip, others work on different ends of the country and conduct long distance marriages. I personally think space is good. Too much togetherness can be stifling. It also removes the 'gap' that I think is necessary for the sparks to fly.
Others will disagree and say that they love being with their partner all the time. I go a bit nutso after 4 or so days of 24/7 togetherness. It's too much!
There are plenty of women who go on solo vacations or on women's getaways. I don't think it's frowned on or unusual or weird. I also wouldn't call it a break up. I would call it "me time" and not worry what other people think!
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