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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I are amicably divorcing after 10 years of being together. There's no drama, we've been dead as a couple for years, we just didn't fight in public or complained to friends and family. So people close to us are in shock, as they thought we were "solid a s a rock". But this is not the subject of my post.About 4 months after my husband and I had decided to end our marriage. I met a man through work (not a colleague or a client, we met at a conference) I instantly liked and then over time fell in love with. I don't think it's too soon, since marriage has been practically non-existent for years, but, I don't know anyone in my position so I can't judge. I'm too old to think he's flawless, but he certainly has the qualities we all look for he's honest, responsible, charming, funny... He is a bit older than me and is a widower with three kids (16, 9, 7). His wife died 4 years ago. He has dated but nothing seriously. Until now.I work with kids and love it, so the idea of him having 3 kids doesn't scare me. (my husband and I wanted to adopt at some point but when it came to it, he just wasn't ready and I always appreciated his honesty) And I know that they are his priority and have no problem with that. But I am aware that I have no idea what I am getting into. I really feel and believe that we both are ready, even though some of my friends, who care about me, think that I should "live a little" (I guess they mean relive my college years) and not get stuck with somebody else's kids. I am 38 and have no regrets. Okay. Maybe I should have gotten divorced sooner, but if I could have done it at the time I would have... I am not afraid of being alone. I lived on my own for a very long time before I met my husband.I know how much he loved his first wife, but I don't feel as if he's comparing me to her. I know that his family and some friends must have done that at least at the beginning, but overall they are glad he found someone. We both come from different cultures and are enjoying getting to know our backgrounds. I speak his mother tongue a little (pure coincidence) so it will make things easier once I get to meet his family oversees.I've met the kids and they gave me a shot :) We're taking things slowly.I guess I'd like to ask for your opinion and advice. Has anybody had a similar experience? I know there are no rules to life, but I really love this man and want things to work out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 May 2016):
 It is okay to allow yourself to be happy again, you are doing nothing wrong, as you said yourself your marriage has been over for a long time, and well his wife won't be coming back, so it is good that you are both moving on with your life. Just keep taking it slow and see what happens.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2016): I am the original OP. Thank you so much for your answer!
I really don't feel that I will be "stuck with someone else's kids" but I do like to take it slow.
I just didn't expect to meet someone so soon after the divorce...
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (31 May 2016):
 What is your gut telling you? And what does live a little mean anyway because you may consider "living at little" is to enjoying the company of someone you are so fond of. Isn't the feeling of loving and doing things with a genuine smile with that 'someone' living? I may find "living a little" spending an obscene amount of money on a bottle of wine or to someone else knocking off their bucket list. You don't have to go all Gung ho and move in with the guy etc- Just enjoy the excitement of missing each other. My point is do whatever is is that makes you happy.
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