A
male
age
41-50,
*ustplayin2013
writes:I don't know if I should stay in my relationship. At times it is excellent she can be thoughtful, giving, and highly sexually charged and also will spend a great deal of time just making sure I'm okay, but I find it very hard to trust her she has a lot of male friends who I was told are harmless but at some point in her life most of them have hit on her, we split for about a month and in that time she felt up some girl made out with another at a concert and sent nudes to at least 3 different people and messaged around 15 guys. All this is just what I found out and she admitted to I have a feeling there is more. She tells me that when she's single she is completely different than in a relationship but I believe that your personality doesn't change completely whether your in a relationship or not and when people hold back they eventually go out and do what their heart has always wanted. She says she would never cheat cause it has happened to her and she would never want to cause that pain but I've recently found a pic of another guy from in some backup photos (he is flexing in a mirror) from when we were together. I have a hard time trusting people and because of these things and her past I don't feel as if I will ever be able to trust her completely. My question is am I being too crazy, are my reasons for not trusting her valid, should I believe her unless solid evidence proves otherwise or do I follow my gut that something is off?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 January 2017):
 I think you should follow your gut instinct. She may not cheat on you, but she is not doing a great job off reassuring you either. It sounds like she is very immature for her age and seeks attention from people.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2016): I think she seems very immature, looking for adulation from people the moment you broke up, hence sending the pictures, the makeups., etc. Immaturity doesn't just vanish now that she is back with you. What if you have a fight? Will she just run out and cheat? Hard to say but I think you sense that her insecurity, immaturity and partying ways will lead to problems.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (25 December 2016):
 If your gut is telling you something is not right, then this will eat away at you over the months/years and stop you giving yourself totally to this relationship. It will end up messing with your mind.
We don't know your girlfriend. She could just crave stability and go a bit crazy when single. She could value your relationship too much to screw it up. On the other hand, she could just be hiding that side of your personality while your relationship is relatively new and it could surface as she gets comfortable. There is no way of telling.
What is important is what YOU think and how YOU feel about it all. If it makes you uncomfortable, then she is probably not the one for you.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]  +, writes (25 December 2016):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) You should always follow your instinct on what you feel is the best choice for you in the long haul. If you feel you cannot trust her and that you think she's not being genuine with you, then I'd definitely suggest cutting off all ties.
During the time she did all of those acts, keep in mind, you weren't together with her so she might have thought she wouldn't be hurting anyone. Though you could look at it completely different if she is telling you one thing and doing another.
It's unfortunate that the trust has vanished, but until you can work on your own insecurities (Not trying to come off rude, you mentioned you have a hard time trusting people as a whole) and being with someone you don't feel would disrespect you, I wouldn't keep staying on track with this relationship.
Trust is a crucial element in a relationship, without it, it's pretty much over. It's up to you to decide what you want at this point.
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