A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I being paranoid and clingy? My bf of over a year and I recently got into a long-distance situation. Getting used to the distance has put considerable strain on our relationship as he is more extroverted than I am. He's always been a bit of a bad boy. He loves going out and his parties and after parties usually end up with people doing drugs and some kind of promiscuity -- not that he has partook in any of this since we began dating. He watches porn at least once a week which somehow seems weirder in this LDR since we get to meet every 45 days or so and don't do anything in between. I do my best to meet him as often as possible. His porn habit annoys me because when we do meet, I'm the one more sexually active and he apparently can't keep up (yet he can watch porn). He's also asked me to lose a little weight since I put on a few pounds (3-4 kgs) since we started dating and between the two of us I'm on the heavier side. It makes me highly insecure since he's one of those guys who has more female friends than male friends and this inevitably has led to me dealing with his non-platonic equations in his every social group that have led to some tension between him and the girl-friend some time or the other. I know this could all be in my head but the first time we kissed (before we started going out) was on my birthday and less than half an hour later he was making out with another friend of mine. He later only pursued me and still says that i am the only girl for him but i can't help but feel insecure. I feel completely lost and out of my senses about this. He otherwise gets me like no one else has before and he's there for me when I need him but does that disqualify my feelings? Please advise.
View related questions:
drugs, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): I'm not sure why you are expecting the things you receive from a man with good character and a responsible nature; from a guy who does drugs, watches porn, parties all the time, and stresses you out? He's not that kind of guy.
He's not there when you need him. He's there when you are able to catch up with him. Long-distance isn't a strain on your relationship. He's the strain! He's a womanizing player, and somehow you're caught-up in your fascination for a "bad-boy!" Now it's taking its toll on you!
This is yet another case of liking the wrong guy, and hoping he will change to be the kind of man you want him to be. He won't. If you want certain traits in a man, you find a man who actually has them. Not wish them on a man who doesn't.
When he tells you to lose weight; your response should be, you'll do it in exchange for him giving up porn, drugs, his harem of tarts, and being a party-boy!
No, he doesn't get you. Not at all. You just like the soap opera drama of clinging to a guy who is wrong for you, and has bad habits. Being the drama-queen, drowning in her tears of sorrow for a man who grinds her love in the dirt with the heel of his shoe. His only reason for being with you, is because he appreciates the fact you care for him unconditionally. Even if he doesn't reciprocate and trashes your feelings. You're his loving doormat. An adoring fan.
When is he there for you? Once you've hunted him down, and able to spill your feelings all over him? It all runs out of him like a bucket with a whole in it.
You're in a state of denial. You have a dirt-bag for a boyfriend; and you're infatuated and fascinated with his rebellious life-style. The problem is, he's a terrible match. Now you're writing for advice of how to change him.
Looking for sympathy. You're too dignified and special for that. You're full of love and you're wasting it.
Yes you are clingy. I'm going to give it to you straight.
You are hanging-on tooth and nail to a guy who really isn't boyfriend material. He wants to feel loved, but he doesn't want to earn it. You're pretending he loves you back. He doesn't. He just needs to feel like he's worth something, and that's all he needs from you.
The only way to change him, is by replacing him with the kind of guy you want and deserve. Changing him for someone else.
A
female
reader, Madge1  +, writes (28 June 2015):
Hey darling! Can I firstly say that you are not being obsessive and clingy, you are only asking for loyalty, commitment and emotional and sexual intimacy...these are very reasonable requirements in a relationship and he doesn't seem to be fulfilling them very well. This man makes you feel insecure, unloved and telling you to loose weight is not something that will affirm your self worth. never go by what he says...men say so many things...go by what he does. Guys watch porn, not a big deal, but a guy who is watching porn and unable to satisfy his woman,choosing porn over her may have a more serious problem. Be careful here it will only get worse. There are many guys out there who can't have relationships because of their porn addiction....back to you! My advice is to make a list of things you want in a relationship, underlining the most important, the deal breakers,and see how he matches up...there are solo many men out there, you don't need to settle! Best of luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): He sounds like a real catch, a porn watching party animal who criticises your body.
I'm just wondering why you would. chose him over a man who respects you and desires the person you are ? Maybe it's time to look at your self worth and what you think you deserve in a relationship
Personally I think there are much better men out there than this one for you
...............................
|
