A
female
age
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*abydoll5055
writes:I have so many trust issue, that it is going into my relationship with the person I am in love with. I really want to marry this man, but i find my self pushing him away from me. I have been hurt so much in my life and i have hurt him. i think he is at his last end. I need someone to help me get back on the right foot so i do not lose the person i love. in the back of my mine i keep on blaming him for doing something but i know he is not and then i have to come back and say i am sorry for the things i have said out of my mouth. I find my self saying realy bad things to him, taking back things i have given him and telling him to get out of my life. and i do not want that.help a crazy lady please! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 February 2013):
I once dated a woman who was cheated on by her husband. Our romance was intense but extremely volatile. She had serious trust issues, much much more than I was ever used to, and it wore on me quickly. I told her if it didnt stop, I would leave. It didnt stop, so I left.
We spoke again like a year or so later. She just finished dating someone who just did the same thing to her. She couldnt apologize enough, but all was too late by then. I think about her from time to time as I think we could have been a great couple if she didnt have the trust issues.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 February 2013):
 to begin, you are NOT crazy. you've had experiences in your life that have conditioned and reinforced your fear of trusting others. it's normal when people lie, cheat and deceive you over and over again to not trust others that follow suit. i can relate in a big way.first, you have got to decide: is this feeling of paranoia legitimate? or is it based on irrational fear? i used to get paranoid in one of my last relationships. i talked myself into believing it was just my own insecurites and trust issues coming out. as it turns out, my ex was cheating the whole time. so my insecurities were in fact valid. don't second guess your natural instincts and pawn it off as your inability to trust.second, if you decide that you believe the paranoia is irrational and he's a very honest and faithful person, the only thing you can actually do, aside from getting professional counseling, is to recognize what triggers these responses in you. and when you feel that negative response begin to well up, recognize it. learn to not let it control you. you control it. you can change your behavior by learning to recognize what you're doing and saying wrong. next time you feel upset and like you're about to say something you don't mean, just flat out stop yourself. go take a drive or a walk, and calm down. or simply just take a deep breath and relax. talk yourself out of responding angrily. if you do it enough, low and behold, you eventually start to condition yourself to have a much more optimistic response. best of luck!!! i know this is a touch situation.
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A
female
reader, delightful84  +, writes (11 February 2013):
You are going to have to stop or you will lose him for good. If someone gave me something and then wanted it back, I would never accept anything again, or trust their sincerity ever again. He seems to have been patient up to now so see someone qualified to help, before he leaves and doesnt come back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): If you do not stop what you are doing then you will lose him. If you want things back after an argument then you never really gave them in the first place, because you still see them as yours. It is what people normaly do as a way of controling children and that is what its about, control. See someone who is trained to help people like you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Your actions are a problem and more than just part of it. Does he still accept gifts from you knowing you are going to take them back? That is not an act of generosity is it? You are seeing it as an investment. You still see things as yours, so you give nothing. I would never go back to someone who does that. People are all different and sometimes blaming your ex's for a lack of trust is simply blame. Those who do not trust, more often than not, are comparing people to themselves. You need to see a quack. Do not 'give' anything away and take it back. It is immature and speaks volumes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): I have had to just break up very recently with someone who did what you did. Giving to take back is not done through kindness, it is done for control. In most cases the trust issues stem from the belief that everyone is the same. You would be better getting professional help. There is something very positive, and that is you are not blaming your partner and accepting you are being unreasonable. That is the first battle won.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Get professional help. I just broke off a 3 year engagement with a woman that had trust issues different from you but in the same ball park. I hated having to break it off but had to for my own wellbeing. Seek proffessional help or he will walk.
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