A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Be grateful for the people who manage to trek through this!Since primary school, me and 4 friends have been in a close knit group. Me and my friend X were the closet, and A,B,C were the three best friends within the group. Now however, we are nearing the end of secondary education and hopefully going to university. Now, me and A are the best of friends, and X and B pretty close, and C had other friends.C fell out with her other friends, a started hanging out with all of us all the time, even though we kind of felt annoyed about us being the back-up, but we have moved on. Throughout secondary, me and A have had a few boyfriends, and have been invited out to a few more parties than the others, and we have a few more friends than the other 3 but we are still kind of close, or so I thought.Me and A needed to talk to X about a delicate situation, I won't say what it is, but it was in the interest of herself, as it was embarrassing personal problem. Because it was so personal, all 3 wanted to keep it to ourselves, but at school we were talking, and X was getting upset about it. C walked past, and we asked if she could leave us alone, because we needed to talk to X. I will admit, we said it a bit harshly, because we were stressed and irritated. We got the X problem sorted out, but then C blew up about it. She got really angry because we wouldn't tell her what we were talking about, and then started asking if it was about her, and that we were being immature for having 'private talks'In my opinion, she is the one being immature. She started insulting us by text and email, not to our faces, which is pathetic in my opinion, calling us fake, and judgmental, and brought in old arguments that had been resolved to stir things up and then went on a big rant about how we are too embarrassed to hang around with X, B and C, because they are less popular than us. Yes I will admit, their dress sense is a little weird, and Facebook statuses are weird, and they are too embarrassed to go to parties that we invite them to, but we trust them, and we can rely on them, and make the effort to spend time with them, and we dont really care about the other stuff. (Yes im a little shallow) Me and A snapped and told her to grow up, to stop stirring shit and to stop trying to get involved in someone else's business. To calm C down, X had to tell her the problem even though she didnt want to. After a few more nasty emails, the thing sort of resolved... My question is this, were me and A out of line for saying what we said? And are we really immature?Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Even though it sucks that you were second choice with C, this time in your lives SHOULD be about exploring what kind of people you like, who you want to be and be with. So her return, maybe it appeared fine to you all, but I would think would be slightly...embarassing? Humbling? So it's understandable that she would be a little insecure about what looked like you girls being exclusive without her. I would sit her down and just say, listen I'm sorry that looked really bad the other day, but X is going through a very difficult personal issue right now and we really needed to talk this out just the few of us because it was a sensitive topic and she would have felt embarassed having you hear all that. I'm sorry it came off as us excluding you, but you just caught us at a bad moment in a very touchy subject; and (if you mean it), say how glad you are that she's back in the group cause you all have missed her. If it doesn't work, she'll get over it eventually, so don't stress too much about it!
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