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anonymous
writes: Dear Agony Aunt, I have a problem and I need advice.I have been with my boyfriend about 14 mths. I love him so much and want to be with him every day when I am not with him I cry and get nervous. But when I am with him I feel so good and never want to let him go. I am sure he feels the same way too. We have lost touch with all our friends and don't seem to socialise any more; we just have each other's company. I am happy to stay in his company but he wants to go out and be away from me for hours. I just don't understand why he would want to get away from me. I feel like if I let him go he will be gone forever. I love him so much and I dont want to lose him. I am scared I am pushing him away. We argue quite a bit but make up after about 3 mins. He makes me laugh but he can make me upset a lot and makes me feel not wanted. He blames me for everthing that goes wrong. I am very emotional and I cry very easily. I don't want him to leave me but I know he will go sometime soon. I need help before I lose him.Please help me because I love him so much and can't live without him in my life. thanx xnatashax Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Penny, writes (9 March 2005): Try practicing being apart, and remind yourself that he cares all the time. He does not need to know how you cope, just that you do, because your level of insecurity is not healthy and will ultimately scare any normal bloke that it is the tip of an iceberg of irrationality. If you and he want a long relationship with shared resonsibilities to work he needs to know that you can cope in his absence and be an occasional support to him. Don't let him feel like a parent.Try to make his existence whether beside you or not, a source of happiness.
A reader, niki, writes (1 March 2005): hey, i am in exactly the same position; i used to get on great with my bf's friends but now, he wants to see them without me and says he needs this time with his friends to be away from me. We have been together almost 21months and for the past 6months we have spent almost every day together, which i love, but he needs his own space a lot more than me. Whenever we arent together i want to talk to him but he has got fed up and we are now on a break. We argue quite a lot now and sometimes i dont feel wanted and he does make me upset, but i have realised that i do need to give him space; we are all different and guys seem to need more time to themselves than us! Hopefully now i have realised this we can sort everything out and get back to normal.I have strted to get in touch with my friends more now and we go out a lot more, i think this has made him realise that i do not depend on him for everything i do and he knows that i cannot be controlled by him as he used to think. This was a major factor in our relationship: i felt that he was my life, and that i had to be with him to make me happy, but you need to realise that its nice to have a break-to see your friends-and then when u see your guy it will mean more to both of you!Anyway i hope this helped! good luck! x
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 February 2005):
 Dear NatashaThe best thing that you can do and this won't be easy at all I'm afraid, is to let him go and do what he wants. You are clinging on too hard and you need to find ways to not make him the main focus of your life. You need to develop your confidence and independence. As I said, this won't be easy but it is important that you do do it so that you can feel better in the long term. At this moment in time, he has you where he wants you really. He may not be doing it on purpose but basically he can treat you any way he chooses because he knows you are frightened of losing him. You need to assert yourself more and realise that everything that goes wrong isn't your fault-you both need to realise this.Try to socialise more and make some new friends. Join a club. Show him that you are capable of living your own life. He is more likely to want to stay if you can prove to him that even though you love him, you can still be independent.Good luck.
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