A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello All, I am in need of some perspective due to an issue that's arisen lately in my relationship. First and foremost, I love this girl very deeply. It's very painful for me to write or talk about this, but I feel as though I need to vent it out the right way. Her and I met while I was still married, over two years ago. We were immediately attracted to one another, and stayed friends throughout my seperation and eventually my divorce. I have a gorgeous daughter whom I love very deeply as well from my ex wife. Though initially the divorce was difficult for her, we've since patched things up and can tolerate each other for the sake of the child which is wonderful. To continue: When I first met my girlfriend, she was in a very unhealthy relationship with a cult leader like woman who convinced her six years prior to leave everything she knew and move with her and a group of people to an isolated patch of land somewhere in the Northwest. When that group dispanded due to the woman being figured out as a con artist, and a charlatan by her group members...my girl stuck it out with her and remained with her for close to six years. During the course of this six years, this woman ruined her credit, her self esteem, and her relationship with her real family. When I met her, I immediately saw things for what they were ,and over the course of our friendship (even before we got together), I pressured her daily to leave this person, and finally was able to convince her as to what was going on in the relationship with her. This was not all my doing, but I played a big part of it. We talked A LOT. There was a huge investment of time, and energy because I loved this person so much i wanted her to break free of these chains that binded her mind and heart. My girl eventually, (after a lot of prompting, and pushing on my part) decided to get back in contact with her family and eventually moved back to her home state. Since we loved each other, it was decided that I would move back with her since I was getting tired of living where I was living, and had plans to show my daughter more of the united states, and bridge the gap between her and my family in New York...(which is where I'm from). We were apart for six months. Durring which time I sold all of my furniture, I prepared my daughter for the move I was about to make (which was very difficult for me), and I quite what was a very good job at the time. I also want to point out that although I did eventually want to move away from the Pacific Northwest, I was prepared to stick it out for a good four to five years so that we could build a better finanical base before making a move. Eventually, I moved out there with her and stayed with her family and her for about two weeks. On the third week, we moved into our own apartment, and i took a job with a company i really did not enjoy working for. It was a miserable eight month stretch with them before I came upon another company who i could not stand working for. As it turns out, the state we moved to did not jive well with my, shall we say, more liberal sensibilities. I took a one month trip to NYC to hang out wiht my parents, and then moved back to the Pacific Northwest because the feelings of not being there for my daughter were far too great for me to bear any longer. Now, we're back to doing the distance thing again, and for some reason i can't shake this feeling that she should be here with me. i feel a little resentment because I made a lot of moves, and gave up quite a bit to be with her all year. She does not want to move back here, and wants to go to school in either NY, or Phoenix. How do I combat this feeling of resentment due to her unwillingness to move back here with me, when I was there for her dealing with her and her issues for almost two years? J
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divorce, ex-wife, moved in, moved out, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Thanks Guys,
Yes, I have asked her if she loves me and she is convinced she does, but at the same time i do feel a sort of imbalance here. Like I'm willing to give just a little more, and I'm willing to go just a little farther than she is. I am not convinced that she loves me equally. This is difficult to talk to her about because she get's defensive. She say's I shove the stuff I did for her in her face and use it to justify my expectations. It's not the case though. I just want to feel like I'm being taken care of in the same way as she is.
J
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (4 January 2011):
I can understand your frustration, but have you thought it could be a case of her not wanting to go back to the scene of the crime so to speak?
That place has a lot of bad memories for her because of what happened and maybe she is also afraid that if she does go back, she could get sucked in again?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): its normal to feel that way,your feelings are justified but you need to put it in check. The issue is that,you seem to love her a lot more than she loves you. All the same,sit her down and find out her reasons, her reasons might be justified too.
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