A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i really need an opinion from you guys. I'm 43 my bf is 50. i'm widow and he is divorced. We are now 5 months in relationship. We are not living together cos our place are 3 hours far distance, but we are always seeing each other, sometimes im staying in his house for a week and he is coming to my place too. The thing is, he still have communication with his ex wife and ex parents in law. I have no problem with it. My problem is, this ex wife and ex parents in law doesnt know that im here, that he have a gf already. I keep asking him why this people must not know about me. His sister know about me, i meet her, but why this ex wife and ex parents in law must not know it? His reason is, ex wife is not talking about her new bf or any relationship or any of her private life so he also dont wanna tell her about his private life. But they are still talking. When i ask him about this communicating with her, he simply answer me, he dont wanna lose contact to the ex parents in law, because this people is nice to him. He give me all reason that makes me calm down for a while, but after certain time, i still realise, no! It must not be like this. Something is wrong. My late husband had also ex wife, she is also communicating with my late husband, but i did not have problem with it because this ex wife know about me since from the moment that me and my husband start the relationship. But my bf now, he is not giving me any security in my heart. I feel dont safe with this kind of game he is doing. He is very high educated person, very smart and he know exactly how to find a way for me not able to discuss about this. When i talk about this, he is so much high voice and too much angry. I am having a stress already with this situation. I love him so much, i dont wanna lose hime and i can feel that he love me too. But this hide and seek game of him makes me really doubt on him. I dont know anymore what to think and what to do. he always telling me, theres no woman between us, that im the only one. But how can i believe that? To any men around here, please tell me. Is that really reasonable? Is that really happening? I know that is not normal and i can not really accept easily his reason for this. I want a peace pf mind, i dont know what to do anymore... Thank you guys...
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 November 2015):
 Honestly I'd worry more about his temper and manipulation tricks than whether he should tell his ex and her parents about you.
You write:
"When i talk about this, he is so much high voice and too much angry. I am having a stress already with this situation. "
He BULLIES you into stop questioning him, because he DOESN'T WANT to be questioned or told what YOU think should happen.
He obviously KNOWS that his ex-wife has a new BF, so while she may not CHAT about him, he still knows - which makes me think that he HASN'T told her about you - because he simply don't want to.
Is that because he is still hoping for a reconciliation with her? don't want to "hurt" her feelings by having moved on? OR that he simply doesn't take the relationship with you as serious as you do. Impossible to tell.
So what are you to do? It's only been 5 months. And he get THAT angry and loud with out over this issue? Sounds like he has some anger issues you may not have seen more than the tip of the iceberg of.....
The anger and yelling at you is a WAY bigger red flag than not introducing you.
A
female
reader, haveiafuture  +, writes (3 November 2015):
Hi I am sorry to hear about your problem. :-(
I had a similar problem as you in the past. I had a boyfriend that I really loved. But like you, he never wanted his parents to know about me. His friends knew me, just not his family.
I later found out that it was because he was ashamed of me. I thought he loved me. He was actually just using me for sex. He never intended to spend the rest of his life with me.
I dumped him.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 November 2015):
 This can't go on can it. It's time for him to break the news about you and him so that everyone is clear.
Yes it's ultimatum time. Tell him what you want and by when you want it to happen. If he doesn't have the will, or tries to fob you off with, 'The time isn't right', then you have two alternatives. 1. Find a way to tell the parties yourself, or 2, Cut him off.
This is a reality check you need to deliver ASAP.
Go girl, and good luck.
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