A
female
age
36-40,
*ost7
writes:Ok so I just got married to a guy I have been with for about three and a half years. I love him so much, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has just enlisted in the national guard/reserves and is currently in basic training. I cannot speak to him on the phone, we can only write letters. I feel so alone and so sad all of the time. I keep getting paranoid thoughts in my head that the army is going to change him, and how he feels about me, and that our life will never be the same/as good as it was before. I know that once you are in the army, you belong to them and you cannot make plans anymore the army rules your life.....I also know that sometimes people in the reserve can be deployed too. I love him and supported his dream to join as he thinks it will make us a better life, and give him more training to get a better job. I kind of wish he never joined cause I love how our life together was before. What should I do? Do you think that him joining the army will ruin our marriage? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 June 2015):
 There is a difference between Active Duty and Active Duty assignments.
Active Duty is JOINING the US Army which means, he will get stationed at one of the post (all over the world) where he can use his MOS (MOS means job classification basically) - It will also change his contract, but ALL depends on what MOS he picks (how NEEDED the MOS is), his age (yep his age) and how well he does in basics. IF he for instance goes the officer route I believe Active Duty is needed.
I don't understand WHY you weren't present with the recruiter when he joined up. It is the recruiters job to answer HIS (your husband's) and YOUR questions.
He can't join the military and give 30 days notice when he finds a civilian job. (same with the Guard) BUT the difference is.. with the GUARD his civilian work place HAVE to fit in any Guard training, deployments and other assignments, so he can do both.
BOTH military and Guard are a long/short term CONTRACT and not one you can "just drop" for a civilian job.
Relax for now (not much else you can do)
There should be a basic Facebook page for his cycle.
And there are quite a few supportive forums out there for military spouses. Army Wives Forum is one of them (spouses of ANY branch and join) There are a lot of wives who have dealt with the military for shorter or longer time.
IT is a big change, but not always for the bad. You two find your SILVER lining here.
One thing I DO want to point out, is that I think it's quite selfish of him to make this choice WITHOUT talking it all through with you. He is not just changing HIS life, he is changing BOTH your lives. What you have to consider though, is... that it might be a change for the better.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 June 2015):
 I've found some online forums for you: http://www.militarysos.com Also the basic website for the National Guard: http://www.nationalguard.com
Here's the link to the forum on family: http://www.nationalguard.com/forums/forum/general-guard-discussion/friends-and-family-support
You should also check with his unit's family support group to see if it's active and has meetings for spouses.
You are now in a new phase in your marriage. Whether it will be better or worse is really going to be in your attitude. It may be different, and that might not be a bad thing. Some military families experience strong and loving bonds; others may go through feeling estranged.
I think you may want to seek some therapy (look up Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) as you said you are experiencing paranoid thoughts. You can control the narrator in your mind, the one telling all the bad stuff, by starting to watch yourself when you begin having those thoughts. Take that deepest inner self off to one side, sit that self down, and watch your mind start to think those negative thoughts.
You are not alone in being the spouse of a member of the military; so reach out to other spouses and find the support you need there.
Best wishes to you, and I thank you and your husband for his service.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lost7 +, writes (28 June 2015):
Lost7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat is active duty assignments? cause he mentioned that he was thinking about going active until he finds a civilian job
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 June 2015):
No, the Army will not change him into some kind of robot. But some change WILL happen, it is inevitable. He is a grown man, not some "green BOY" right out of high school, so I would anticipate a HUGE change in him, just his routines and.. maybe stress level.
If he is going to be National Guard he will have enlisted for 8 year (but can serve as little as 3) it all depends on his MOS etc. He can deploy (within and outside of the US).
BCT (basic) is "only" 10 weeks (unless he gets "recycled") and after that he will go to train for a specific MOS - those schools can be 4 week - over a year)
He will be able to get training that can help him DURING his service and after.
I don't understand why he would join without you two talking and agreeing about it. I get that it is HIS dream, but if HE is in his 30.. it's a bit late in he game (sorry, no offense there) but I also understand that IF he had to chance to do this, that he took it.
Will it ruin your marriage? That depends.. Can you be supportive of him and his choice? Can he still be supportive on you? If the answers are YES, then you will be just find, it just takes adjustments from BOTH of you.
Also as a Guard's Man he will not work every day - they are (again no offense) week-end warrior. Many who work in the guard have a job on the side and are "only" gone 1 week-end a month, unless he volunteer for Active Duty assignments.
Try and relax, TAKE it one step at a time. And while I get that you "wish" he hadn't joined up, reality is HE DID - so now it's time to making it work with this new adjustment. YOU can do it.
...............................
|
